spirit_shadow said:

Idk whats going on but im on GC's side

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Mystikal said:

UO:

I was born with the disease of addiction. Yes I think that's possible.

Substances are but a symptom rearing it's head IMO.


I'm a multigenerational addict. My grandparents all smoked and drank heavy. My parents tried it all and dad was a heavy cocaine user. I was also born with multiple mental health issues including OCD and probably mild schizophrenia. I started drinking and smoking as soon as I could. Fell in love with it instantly. Couldn't wait for the oblivion every time I had enough booze. I stole or bummed smokes weed and booze from parents. They encouraged me to drink less and smoke more weed early on to their credit. By 17 I had dropped out of school and was drywalling for crack/booze and in a terrible first living away from home scenario with the sketchiest older roommates.

Eventually I got tired of all the problems these substances were causing me and tried to stop in 2010. The only reason for stopping with it was to make the immediate problems I had caused go away. It worked but I went back to drinking and using hard stuff countless times. I'd get 30 days or whatever then be near death within weeks. Had seizures from withdrawal and probably damaged my brain. Last time I went out drinking, it took me a  year of daily blackout drinking during COVID lockdowns to stop again. COVID was a great excuse to use for me.

Thankfully I haven't used bad stuff since September 7th 2021. Date of my last drink and use of meth which I don't even really like. Homeless guy let me hit his pipe a few times. Haven't picked up any coca products since then either despite having money, connections and an appetite for that.

Still an addict and always will be. I haven't even stopped in my mind, just transferred to weed and shrooms which was totally a great move for me and grants me a reprieve. My disease is doing pushups waiting for me though, proven this enough times.

Is what it is,.sorry for over sharing but I have zero outlets to talk about this at this point. My in person friends and parents are sick of hearing it and I got sick of recovery meetings years ago.

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