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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife
    #29675067 -

She regularly tells me this. Comparing me to some persona she wants me to have that's more masculine and I finally had it. It always comes up during debates about bullshit like missing an item on the grocery list. Can't make the slightest mistake around her without having this earful. I've told her many times that if I ever cheated shed be the first to know so now I laid it out there and told her that THIS is causing me such an extreme urge to cheat. I didn't say it with anger I said it with a distraught feeling inside. Because I really don't get the choice in the bad things I want to do. I can only stop myself from acting upon them. I just could NOT hold it in anymore the place I feel I'm being pushed into. And its a dark one. I explained to her that because she feels that way I just want to go out and sleep around not because I want a different wife or partner but to see if the reality is that the outside world actually rates me good. That I can actually attract women. Something I haven't done in a long long time, if ever. I then asked her if she thought I could actually do it, to which she replied no. And now she's really not said anything to me outside of business only types of transactions like getting the trash out or remembering to pay a certain bill. So I really must be just a wallet right? Most men just go cheat. So I've spared her that secrecy. No plans to go do it, its impossible with kids and all that. But she needs to know what kind of world she has put me in.

Edited by Anonymous (09/22/26 01:29 AM)

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #29675071 -

Get your divorce lawyer ready first. Then leave her. Your be happier. She'll be happier.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675090 -

To add to this I want to ask what you all think of this hypothesis. My proposal is that a wife's demands only increase as the number of children she has increases. And the amount of things I can do becomes increasingly less. She wants to overhaul my entire psyche it seems. And I've told her in one of my moments where I demanded she back the fuck off that I'd love to do this. But theres a thing called mental "plasticity". I'd love to change and transform myself into her masculine persona but when I work full time and have to take up so many responsibilities at home including caring for the kids like the mother traditionally does to show her I'm willing to help out, it turns out there's just really no time left to self improve or stop and rethink your tendencies. For real every day off work at this stage doesn't feel like a day off, I'm still working inside the home just barely making it. House is usually a mess. Which adds to the stress. She doesn't want to change at all as far as I'm concerned. But I'm beginning to think its the lack of plasticity at this stage in life that causes so much trouble. How the fuck am I supposed to take the time to reinvent myself when the moment I sit down to think about it all I got some other bill collector calling or her demanding I help out with the children? She's got no answer other than.. Just not manly enough. Not sacrificial enough. I'm now "mean" in her eyes just for defending myself. What's real shitty about all this is I know for a fact that if I opened Pandora's box and said let's go free for all with cheating that there wouldn't be a single "nice guy" out there that she would select. So as a result my nice side is starting to just die. Why the fuck should I be nice? When its never fucking rewarded. No man I've known in high school who pulled in pussy or favor from women were nice so why the fuck should I be? You see I married this women at a time where that naivety was strong in me. Overtime I've woken up.
I'm tired of her bullshit and I see the same bullshit in every relationship. Nice man marries. Wife gets bores. Husband realizes and becomes disgruntled and knows how the game actually works. Sadly most men including my poor father just sucked it up till they passed away.
Then I'm watching podcasts on this shit. The most honest women to open their mouths on this issue are whorea prostitutes and escorts. They know the retarded ass facade their fellow women put up to siphon a nice guys time and attention. Because sad married men unload the reality on them on the fucking time. Now I'm not about to go cheat still. But I'll resolve this eventually as I zero in on what's really going on with a therapist. But yea they can only help so far.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: vicepope]
    #29675094 -

Gotta plan and ensure that's the path we want first. She's the one who keeps throwing "divorce" out there but she doesn't seem to keen on acting. I'm worth too much. No I'm not rich. But I think theres a logical side hidden beneath her consciousness. She probably either doesn't want to be the initiator and knows that the amount I do for her is not the norm.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675152 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Gotta plan and ensure that's the path we want first. She's the one who keeps throwing "divorce" out there but she doesn't seem to keen on acting. I'm worth too much. No I'm not rich. But I think theres a logical side hidden beneath her consciousness. She probably either doesn't want to be the initiator and knows that the amount I do for her is not the norm.


When any woman says your to valuable to me to "divorce " or "murder " you. You need to flee. Sorry about the children, she's using you as a slave and has no real emotional attachment to you as a person. It's very much the language of a true psychopath. Using charm to use and manipulate you and all around you.  The language of you not being masculine enough is a psychological jab because your being a good enough thropy  for her to brag about.

Be careful and mindful of this.  Mods tell me if I'm off base with this.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: vicepope]
    #29675163 -

If she says that you’re not a man, she’s already fucking someone else.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675169 -

This is why you don't wife up ex-hoes. You'll always be the one holding the bag.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #29675333 -

Forgetting an item on the grocery list is a lack of masculinity? 

So forgetting an item on the grocery list is a feminine trait?

How exactly does she want you to change - or is she just miserable?

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675390 -

Leave. It will only get worse.
Life is too short for misery. Find the strength within and move forward.
Good luck OP

Edit: doing this takes balls. That's about as "masculine" as it gets.

Edited by space daddy (09/22/26 12:46 PM)

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #29675521 -

Its the hell I'm in right now. That's all I have to do wrong and I am taken into this world were I'm a complete limp wristed mouse. The urge to cheat has gone so high. And I know that this is quit likely normal. Every man who cheats or resorts to domestic violence is trying to reclaim this. Provoked by the wife. Now I can believe fully that perhaps I'm not much of a catch. Maybe I can't really get women and I really am powerless. But after staying in this position for so long I've learned something new. I put myself in the position of being a weak little mouse. And "accepted" it. So what has changed my worldview and made the most clarity I've felt in a long time is realizing that. If women truly are not into me. Then... Why the fuck have anything to do with any of them at all? I can still be a good little mousey man. That people like, ya maybe I can't wow a woman in bed or anything. But if I didn't have a wife that constantly reminded me of this well, I could be a much calmer, more relaxed and content of a mouse. I could have time on my hands to accomplish things that I can accomplish. Without constant berating and ridicule. Plenty of "mice" out there are probably quite happy with themselves.
So I'm demanding she come to the negotiation table on this. And I plan to make it apparent what my options are.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675552 -

Back it up there, bub.

Please don’t lump the philanderers in with the batterers.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #29675614 -

Assertion training/therapy might go a long way.
No more mouse man, be in your place woman and I'll be in mine as man. She wants you to step up into that role. Don't be scared. The dissolution of gender roles is a farce, we need family and community identity and she needs you as a real man as much as you need her as a real woman. However that might look for you guys.


As an aside, invariably if we let people step on us they mistake our kindness for weakness.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #29675688 -

Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said: a

How exactly does she want you to change - or is she just miserable?


She's grossed out by him. She doesn't want him to change she wants him to go away.
It's why there was so much sympathy for the Clancy case. Her husband was considered a mewling pathetic thing and his progeny simply unfit for survival.
Women are reactionary eugenicists on a level that'd make Hitler feel uncomfortable with the zeal.
Quote:
Northerner said:The dissolution of gender roles is a farce, we need family and community identity and she needs you as a real man as much as you need her as a real woman.


Precisely that.

Edited by Anonymous (09/22/26 07:44 PM)

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #29675692 -

Probably not, she probably has changing needs as she ages. She's giving him the cue on what she needs.

We all change, it's a natural part of life.


--------------------
We are the music makers, the dreamers of dreams.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29675820 -

Gonna fire some questions at you OP:

Do you guys have sex?
If so how often?
Been married a long time?
Kids young or old?
Get along with her family/friends or whats that like?
Do you do anything together outside of the usual daily routines, whats your bonding time and how many hours per week you two get?
If she didnt say the stuff shes saying, would you want to be with her? Like if everything else was the same, but she just didnt treat you the ways you describe?
Are you over 40?


Lastly, at its best, how was the marriage?


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #29677542 -

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Forgetting an item on the grocery list is a lack of masculinity? 

So forgetting an item on the grocery list is a feminine trait?

How exactly does she want you to change - or is she just miserable?


If just forgetting in general was a sign of a lack of masculinity, I’d have grown a couple vaginas at this point in my life 🤣

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #29677620 -

Anonymous #3 said:
It's why there was so much sympathy for the Clancy case. Her husband was considered a mewling pathetic thing and his progeny simply unfit for survival. Women are reactionary eugenicists on a level that'd make Hitler feel uncomfortable with the zeal.


So many women I know feel sorry for her.  Fathers who kill their kids never get any sympathy.

Women should just stick to killing the unborn.  No good reason to wait.

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #29678474 -

Well this has taken a turn


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #29678596 -

Sex-yes but usually she is seemingly angry about it. Like 3 times a month or so. I feel like she's just doing it outta duty. Doesn't wanna leave saying she didn't give it.
Married-8yrs
Kids-young 1-9
Get along with families good.
We get out and go on dates and stuff but she is always unimpressed
I'm 42 she's 39. We got along great in the beginning now its different.

Things have got better since I let my inner dr. Jekyl out. I've snapped. Began to push back telling her how fucking unfair and overly critical and so it ends on a really dangerously unsettled note. So I'm basically feeling like the divorce papers are gonna drop but now she initiates sex more and acts less unsatisfied by it.
Weird.
I always thought if i let out my inner bad guy things would get worse. She treats me better and while she still thinks I need to do better go to therapist and stuff she seems more stable now that ive for the first time in our marriage. Just got mad back. I don't like having it go this way. But unfortunately I really feel like the whole mood in our relationship is more stable. Just by getting mad back. We resolved absolutely nothing as far as I'm concerned but she's acting better to me anyway.

You women really do not want men to be nice. Do you? So why do you all plus my mom brainwash us into being nice?

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Re: I'm told I'm not masculine by my wife [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #29678622 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Things have got better since I let my inner dr. Jekyl out. I've snapped. Began to push back telling her how fucking unfair and overly critical and so it ends on a really dangerously unsettled note. So I'm basically feeling like the divorce papers are gonna drop but now she initiates sex more and acts less unsatisfied by it.
Weird.



all she wanted was for you to get up on your hind legs and you finally did it.

do it more. or bail, whatever feels better.

Edited by Belome (09/26/26 02:51 PM)

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Community > Sexuality and Relationships
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