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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Cultivation > Cultivation Confessional
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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Arkyhog]
    #29457164 -

:whathesaid:

Sage advice


--------------------
-Noku
Eskawata kaya waikiki
HHG
"Shake it like you would a newborn baby" - BeefExtreme

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Nokumana]
    #29457187 -

Thanks Astro & Arky.

I've been thinking about ending this relationship for at least 3.5 years and very seriously for the last 12-18 months. The rift started to appear about 5 years ago. It's going to hurt, but I feel like the writing has been on the wall for a long time.

Thanks for helping me process this. I need to lean into it instead of turning away.

I know there are people out there who are unhappy in their relationship but they stay because it's easier to deal with it than end it to start anew. I don't want to be that guy. I have been that guy. I just made one big life change with the new job. I'll give it some time before I act.

Thanks again, everyone. You are the best


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 3
    #29457224 -

Gilmour Hendrix said:
Thanks Astro & Arky.

I've been thinking about ending this relationship for at least 3.5 years and very seriously for the last 12-18 months. The rift started to appear about 5 years ago. It's going to hurt, but I feel like the writing has been on the wall for a long time.

Thanks for helping me process this. I need to lean into it instead of turning away.

I know there are people out there who are unhappy in their relationship but they stay because it's easier to deal with it than end it to start anew. I don't want to be that guy. I have been that guy. I just made one big life change with the new job. I'll give it some time before I act.

Thanks again, everyone. You are the best


Don't forget to ask yourself what you are seeking. I wish I had some sage advice like arky, but theres two sides to every coin. The feeling is familiar, but ive always ended relationships because of what im missing inside myself.

Its a big reason I've been single a majority of the last decade. All I know is I dont want a relationship if flirting and crushing on people is gonna harm that relationship.

Its an area in life I've always felt underprepared for so im always more ambitious than I act on, but id love to find someone who's okay with me building that skill without feeling like im abandoning them.

I dont want to waste other people's time figuring it out, but im wasting my own by not getting out there...


--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break 
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: tryptkaloids] * 2
    #29457238 -

Anywho, I didnt come in here to relate your issues to mine.

I came in here to confess, im so glad for all you shroomey youngsters.

I can focus on snowboarding in the winter and trust questions will be answered decently


--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break 
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: tryptkaloids] * 3
    #29457242 -

Man, it’s been a deep one in here tonight! To top it off, I’m rocking a solid fever, my back is killing me, and my wife and I have been arguing back and forth about dumb stuff pretty much all day. Is it a full moon or some shit? 

Anyway, the myc started breaking through the top layer of my shoeboxes and everything is going pretty well on that side of things. So I have that going for me, which is nice. :rofl:

Sometimes we just need to focus on something that seems to be going well. Most of the other stuff will pass.

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: AstroSporeFiend] * 1
    #29457283 -

1NF1N8, all the best to your daughter. And to you guys. I hope she can get some rest, and some 'time away' from everyone's sorrow for her, and I deeply hope they can help her make this a thing of the past.

Gil, IME serious feelings for other people only show up of you really don't get what you need from the relationship. I'd talk to her and be completely honest, as far as possible without being overly hurtful. She didn't ask for this, you didn't ask for this, it's better if everyone knows exactly what the situation is. Could mean it goes faster than you intended or planned.


--------------------
No nation, no border
Fight law and order


Species grown so far

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Churpee Choozle] * 10
    #29457393 -

Gil I do have advice.  since you asked.

i think this is really common. couples tend to get misaligned over time.  its really up to you guys, if you want it to work, or go through the painful process of separating your ghosts which can be tragic, traumatizing, and ultimately regrettable.

okay so heres what i think you do if you want to make it work.  you have a "spiritual" experience together first. recnnect as ghosts, not nuts and bolts flesh and blood.  work through your feelings with eachother.  look into  eachothers eyes and question every single anomoly. 

oh she got sad when you talked about that one thing? why? dissect it.  weve found that usually its due to misinformation or a misaligned perception of eachothers feelings.  tear your connection apart, thread by thread and put it back together.  remember why you love eachother. 

you may even find that you dont truly know eachother. when you start talking and getting into childhood traumas and whatever else, you may find that your partner is a lot more interesting than you ever thought.  they might just blow your mind. 

then, build something together. talk and build.  build something out of legos, or a puzzle or a massive collaborative art peice.  the process of building together will
do something magic for you both.  it will reveal things youve never considered about eachother and when its over, youll have this thing you created together to look at and hopefully, feel proud of. 

thats the ideal scenario gil.  getting to a point of new perception and appreciation for eachother.  to have a relationship youve rebuilt and are proud of together.

then fuck like rabbits.


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 3
    #29457395 -

i will add:

trauma gets in the way.  its like theres
another person in the room preventing closeness.  it is possible to dissect eachothers traumas and hold space for eachother.  Then you can get closer.


--------------------
The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 3
    #29457397 -

I'm under the impression that my marriage has healed and that we are in a better place but the reality is, I dont know. I dont think I'm going to know.

All I know, is despite whatever fights we have had, I go back to her everyday and lay in the bed and find comfort. If I'm taking the placebo for pain, I dont want to know at this point. I think I'm happy.

With alot of psych breaks, trauma, drug abuse, manic episodes, indecisiveness, and general tomfoolery, I dont know how she has stayed. I am in a much better condition  these days and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for her and me dragging myself out of the utter grime that I was living in I would have been there still. This is how I justify what she has done to me.



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Wild landrace growalong thread

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter] * 1
    #29457403 -

Ovoidhunter said:
I'm under the impression that my marriage has healed and that we are in a better place but the reality is, I dont know. I dont think I'm going to know.

All I know, is despite whatever fights we have had, I go back to her everyday and lay in the bed and find comfort. If I'm taking the placebo for pain, I dont want to know at this point. I think I'm happy.

With alot of psych breaks, trauma, drug abuse, manic episodes, indecisiveness, and general tomfoolery, I dont know how she has stayed. I am in a much better condition  these days and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for her and me dragging myself out of the utter grime that I was living in I would have been there still.



@Ovid - I feel ya on this, brother...right there with ya on that. My mate is a very tolerant soul, to be certain, and I'm eternally grateful for that, because without her, I'd no doubt be worm excrement or maybe a bit of prairie grass today.

Peace to you, friend!


--------------------
Peace to you, friend!
The HHG is a guide to getting started.
New User Welcome Wagon
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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 3
    #29457409 -

BeefExtreme said:
i will add:

trauma gets in the way.  its like theres
another person in the room preventing closeness.  it is possible to dissect eachothers traumas and hold space for eachother.  Then you can get closer.


I've always been a bit of a two-edged sword in relationships, because of trauma. I'm the kind of person that every now and then completely crumples up and is just a pit of negativity. Or is halfway through the hallway with a chair to defend the kids and then I don't have a clue why and my wife says 'Just a bad dream, come back to bed, it's ok'. I hate that, I fucking hate that interference with my otherwise pretty rational behavior.

In the past, this has really fucked up the way partners viewed me. Like, I would never raise my hand against something below my weight. But if I feel really threatened I tend to get very aggressive. Try to explain afterwards that you would never do that to a partner... When they've seen you like that...
I am really lucky with my wife. Trauma is a fucking asshole


--------------------
No nation, no border
Fight law and order


Species grown so far

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Churpee Choozle] * 5
    #29457418 -

What an amazing discussion. The vulnerability here is so refreshing.  I too am struggling with trauma - recently unnearthed trauma from childhood that I have, until very recently, considered a normal part of my upbringing.

It gets in the way like a motherfucker, and makes relating to ones partner so hard. You're both looking through this filter, not seeing them as they are, but as your inner parts perceive them based on your ouw traumatic experiences and the defenses those experience have forged.  Makes it hard to know what's real. It's no wonder this conversation is happening on a forum devoted to psychedelics.

Gil, have the two of you taken MDMA together?  It could be a really nice way to "lower your weapons" so to speak, and regard each other honestly and with open hearts. You may discover things about each other that will help inform decisions going forward - irrespective of whether you decide to stay together of split up - and you may gain some acceptance of each other's stories. Could lead you to a place where whatever you decide, you can proceed  in a collaborative way, without venom and anger.

Also, Beef's suggestions are gold.


--------------------
-Noku
Eskawata kaya waikiki
HHG
"Shake it like you would a newborn baby" - BeefExtreme

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Nokumana] * 2
    #29457427 -

It really is about healing. One way or another. Thank you all for helping me process these emotions. The flirt/crush at work happened and I didn't know how to wrap my mind around it. After reading these most recent responses (thank you for taking the time), I know it's going to be a difficult path to becoming whole in that part of my life. I'm chipping away at trying to be better. I landed the new job and planned on cruising for a while. I wanted to focus on "self-guided" psychedelic therapy since I've had other things that took precedent until now. This relationship issue doesn't seem like it can wait much longer. I think I can intertwine the therapy into my relationship resolution like Beef said. That's good advice. I'll use it as a tool.

I don't have access to mdma, unfortunately. That would be my "go to". I used it to help a friend or two with relationship problems many years ago. I'm not sure my lady would be up for it. Thank you for the suggestion.

And,yes,this thread is full of amazing and intelligent people who want to help each other. I have never been a part of anything like it.


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 2
    #29457433 -

I feel you on the MDMA thing. My wife won't engage around that kind of vulnerability and it's a no go for us too (frustrating for me).

I'm sending you all kinds of good vibes and thoughts, and hoping that you can find a peaceful and real path forward. As always, feel free to reach out if you want support.


--------------------
-Noku
Eskawata kaya waikiki
HHG
"Shake it like you would a newborn baby" - BeefExtreme

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 6
    #29457448 -

I hear everyone on the trauma trail and likewise have my own experiences. Some remembered, some not. I had really focused on trying to uncover what I don’t remember during a few macro sessions and nothing came up for me. I know there previous research and accepted clinical approaches that say uncovering and overcoming was the primary path to healing. But I have say, based on my experiences in life and working with a psychedelic therapist, I no longer believe this nor agree with it. In fact I am pretty adamantly opposed to it.

The approach for me now is, so what? Yes, I had trauma. Yes, it shaped me profoundly. I have reflex actions from it, a trained response, like yelling, anger, impatience. Anger from not being able to stand up for myself as a child so now I come out fighting. Yelling, because that’s what I experienced. Full throat,  win popping, spittle spewing, anger. Impatience because nothing was ever good enough.

What I have found to be making real strides for me, profoundly reshaping my behavior, giving me hope, is staying 100% in the now and catching myself in the reflex and simply saying “No”. I imagine myself as the adult I wished I had as a child, and being the adult protecting my inner child, showing the way. I stop the reflex. And the more I stop it the easier it gets. I failed a lot at first. There was and is work to do to reshape my reflexes. But it’s possible and it’s easier every day.

Psychedlics have made it possible. Macros and micros are proven to reset the DMN (default mental network), or the learned pathed ways we think and act. They allow a smoothed way to re-learn new reflexes and new behaviors. In many ways, it’s a real rebirth. Self-guided, planful, and thoughtful. I get to consciously create myself as a child is unconsciously shaped. I am a blank slate and I create myself.

The real magic of psychedelics isn’t that it’s a magic pill that suddenly makes everything better, like we’ve been taught to think of pharmaceuticals. It’s that it allows us to create in our own likeness, or said another way, the way we would like to own ourselves.

There’s work to do. Thoughtful reflection about what we want to change. Patience in ourselves as we try to learn to walk again, invariably trip and fall, and try again. And then finally run like a toddler runs, full of reckless abandon. Full of joy.

I reflect on my behaviors as they are. Journal about them and give myself grace. Journal about how I deserve to be moving forward. Take my sacrament. Then let go and allow the medicine and the universe to present the education that fits me at the moment. Then in the days and weeks that follow I integrate whatever I’ve learned and recreate myself. Step by step. Stumble. Tumble. Get up. And run again.

I’m not sure why I felt compelled to write this, but I’ve learned to trust my inner calling and just go with it. I trust that whatever I’ve said is valuable to the someone I was called to say it to.


--------------------
You can ignore the truth to your final breath. But trust me, it will meet you there to be ignored no longer.

The answer to your question is almost always 42
“The answer is always grow more shroom.” Mr Piggy
- Those two answers coexist peacefully.

Quick Sterilization Reference for Altitude

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: 1NFIN8] * 1
    #29457461 -

1NFIN8 said:
Good news: I put my TW to grain only 3 days ago and I’ve already got bright spots peeking through my pseudocasing.

Other news: we will admit my 8 year old daughter to the hospital Monday. She has always been way under the weight curve but a month ago started having a fear of choking and it’s taking 3 hours to get her to eat the smallest meals while she struggles to swallow. She has no buffer to lose weight while we move through the fear so the doc is strongly suggesting admitting her and doing every test known to man to determine what’s going on.

I think this group has had enough hospitals for the whole year. May everyone else be happy and healthy the rest of 2026.


That's terrifying. I hope you all get this sorted as soon as possible. My thoughts are with you and yours.:hug:

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: 1NFIN8] * 2
    #29457480 -

@1NFIN8 - that, my friend, is pure truth & poetry...well said dude! Peace to you!


--------------------
Peace to you, friend!
The HHG is a guide to getting started.
New User Welcome Wagon
GROWER’S BEST photo contest: join the fun!
CAKE WARS III - Starts SEPT 1, 2026

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: flapping_bird] * 3
    #29457528 -

All this talk of trauma, I just can't not post this song.



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“All Fungi are edible.

Some fungi are only edible once.”
― Terry Pratchett


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Kloakk] * 1
    #29457621 -

Dear anxiety






Im broken



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:hippie::mushroom2:Take it easy. if it's easy. take it twice:mushroom2::mushroom2:
:sporedrop:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery:sporedrop:

**A LINK TO EVERTHING**


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: callmehippie]
    #29457737 -

Cult OTD is different.
DSHSB should suffice.

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