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Offlineferago2
gnubie
Registered: 03/02/04
Posts: 136
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Story I wrote in High School
    #2899632 - 07/17/04 01:25 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

This is a story I wrote 4 years ago, when I was 16 and in high school. I'm not sure I like it, and I certainly like it less now then I did then, but I like to get it out every once and a while and see what other people think.

So, any thoughts?

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/pierceis/story.htm


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Offlinefelix
this and that
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Registered: 01/21/00
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Re: Story I wrote in High School [Re: ferago2]
    #2899816 - 07/17/04 03:16 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

teen angst.


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Real botanists laugh at HPS systems, we do however use high pressure sodium in the parking lot. - artthug


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Offlineferago2
gnubie
Registered: 03/02/04
Posts: 136
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Story I wrote in High School [Re: felix]
    #2899821 - 07/17/04 03:19 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, that's the aspect of it I didn't like at all. Although it was a fictional character and made up events, and wasn't really my life, it was more me trying to write from that point of view, and i still don't like it. I guess I like some of the writing, but not the "tone", at least as it initally appears. At least all the problems are really Jason's fault, which is something.


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Offlinefelix
this and that
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Re: Story I wrote in High School [Re: ferago2]
    #2899886 - 07/17/04 03:45 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

the ending is good, but is just has this corny 'afterschool special' kind of feel.

and i must have missed something, but how did jason paralyze chris? how was it jason's fault that chris died? he just hit him with the bottle right?


--------------------
Real botanists laugh at HPS systems, we do however use high pressure sodium in the parking lot. - artthug


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Offlineferago2
gnubie
Registered: 03/02/04
Posts: 136
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Story I wrote in High School [Re: felix]
    #2904021 - 07/19/04 12:51 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

afterschool special feel? I guess you could look at it that way... tbh the ending was something i just shoved there when I realised that I didn't have the energy or interest to flesh the thing out into a whole novel. The ending is an abrupt tone shift I guess, but whatever. Like I said, I'm not especially proud of this, just wanted some thoughts on it, but this forum seems a bit dead.


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