I Was born into a Christian Family with Church every sunday with sunday school and worship music and sermon. And everything in the Bible was the literal word of God with no errors, Presbyterian from about age five to thirteen, as I remember, than through my early to mid-teens it was a Non-Denominational, a more Worship and Prayer based strength focused aspect of the Church. And but absolutely no offense to the sermon's of the second Church but I don't particularly remember what he talked about, but the Presbyterian one, even as a 6 year old sleeping sucking my thumb during services I still remember things the Preacher said to this day. You can find some of his early Sermons before my time from mostly in the early 80's By Clicking HERE. They sound like the way I remember his teachings and expression. Than in 2003 or 4 I got logged unto the Shroomery and got interested in Eastern Philosophy, People suggesting to buy book's like Swami Rama's "Living with the Himalayan Masters". And one of the best links I've received, Buddhist Society of Western Australia Teachings. Just search and listen to Ajahn Brahms Dhamma Talk or Sutta Study, Like as was said, No BS, Straight up Real Teachings.
I now still think the Bible is Holy and Sacred, I Believe in the Majority of it, but the fact there is some contradictions among the Gospels, Nothing seriously affecting the Integrity and Primary story or causing doubt in the Reality of God. Or The Life, Teaching, Miracles, Passion, Death, Resurrection of the Messiah and fulfillment of particular Prophesies and I have Faith that the other Prophesies will come true in the future, Which terror's me about the end of the world, the unworthiness of me making it into Heaven (a Fear/Love complex of God attitude?) and the concern that I want he world to end by everyone becoming enlightened and closing Hell off, but Have confidence that the Lord will justify and satisfy my concern of anyone being thrown into an eternal lake of Fire, literally a Lake of Fire! I mean I get angry tantrums when I'm withdrawing from substance's and people aren't being perfect to me, but Yeshua said he would tell them calmly, "I Never You, Away From Me Who Practice Evil (Lawlessness)," if I"m not mistaken for all eternity at he Gates of Heaven. I might totally agree with this attitude if I Experience persecution and see the end times Prophesied in Revelation, I'm pretty concerned about this,,, Pray or Enlighten me on this particular aspect of the Gospel! I do know God's way is better than mine.
At age 19, in end of 2006 and of early and through 2007 I Developed a terrifying, life destroying, family breaking up illness,,, Schizophrenia! which is like a blessing I Think sometimes but the Voice's have been telling me they're the "Devil", "there is no God", "I'm going to Hell',,, compulsively/impulsively initiating Pernicious and Backwards evil thought's in my mind, I've been through wonderful times with the Voice's, they were on my side and I was on there side, that is, the Gospel's Godly Way. Encouraging me... When I First heard voice's it was Jesus saying "I do not want you.", but than through also hearing the other voice's who represented characters from Revelations, they continuously put me to the test saying "You are either Jesus Christ or the Anti-Christ." if I farted while reading the Bible they would terrify me by telling me I"m the anti-Christ, If I thought Kind thoughts of some one they would confuse me by saying I'm Jesus. Which didn't make since to me for years Because I thought the only one that can be Jesus IS Jesus! so the only option I had for years was to to be concerned that I'm the Anti-Christ! plus I Thought Everyone in the world could read my mind but were keeping it secret from me! totally Exposed! but through the Years, I've had Religious Dreams revealing that I'm someone how, How should I Humbly and sanely say, that I'm and probably you are Jesus! You might be Evil, I Don't know but it took years from me to realize obvious mysterious that hurt, confused and frustrated me to suicidal-Depression and Psychotic-Depression, I"m also not that intelligent, lack of being able to think clearly or coherently while thinking the world is reading my mind, terrifying and embarrassing, Can't function under such pressure. But I was a pretty bad person during my years of life private freedom, Torturing insects as a kid, perverted stuff with "someone else's" woman panties, dirty, kinky fantasies that are perverted (Boredom and Isolation will do that to puberty reaching kid! give me a break, I Didn't have any Friends! lol ),,, But Honest to God I don't remember ever having a rape fantasy (except that unusual dream there where the girl didn't seem to want it but was enjoying it at the same time, actually quite disturbing, though very vague memory of a dream soon to be forgotten ) and Absolutely never to Kids! May be when I was fifteen I Thought of another fifteen-year-old but never as a adult towards kids, that's just wrong!
What was I talking about? oh yea, I have Panentheism tendency's in my concept of God, but it's been said "Every concept of God is an Idol of God", He is the Unnameable, the Unknown, the Ineffable etc,,, And my Trust and Faithfulness is in The Holy Trinity. With constant study of Dhamma and persistent looks into Wisdom and Insights along with a Purity and Innocence in a Inebriating Concoction of Substances, but Substance's are material, which comes with problems of material possession, I find it takes a about six days to get back to baseline/normal after bringing on the things I do, but they are spiritual at the same time, if the end of the world comes they may be taken from me, but life is more than dope, uppers and sensational beauties, I may lay in bed, grumpy and practically inactive (ok, slightly over exaggerating )
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy
And radiance within himself
That man becomes one with God
And vanishes into God's bliss."
-Bhagavad Gita, 5.24
One 21 - Building Better Bombs
One 21 - Pacified
One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine
"Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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