Home | Community | Message Board
You are not signed in.
Sign In New Account
Forum Index Search Posts Trusted Vendors Highlights Galleries FAQ User List Chat Store Random Growery

Sporeworks
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.

Community > Sexuality and Relationships
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  [ show all ]
Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times
    #25970276 -

I’m kinda regretting signing another year lease with her now. Last night we did some blow and had some serious conversations about what happened at our old place a little over two years ago.

She is a massage therapist and her job was at a Asian place. I always had a sneaking suspicion that she was doing sexual favors for her clients. Last night she told me she was giving this “one” guy handjobs for $100 tips. She said she only did it three times, but I find that hard to believe...

There was also this one guy at her work that she invited into our home when I was working graveyard. She said he only came up to smoke as a payment for driving her less than a mile home.. this seems off because he grew his own weed and had his own money.

I would come home at 7am to find her hair still wet and the sheets changed. She said she was only masturbating to porn so she would clean the sheets... it didn’t add up because I would find lingerie that we didn’t use in the dryer, etc...

All the signs were there and I had a gut feeling about it. Should have listened to my intuition. I honestly have been faithful to her physically the whole three+ years we’ve been living together. I’m hurt right now, and feel betrayed. I kinda want to cheat just to be on the same page...

Idk what to do. She’s done this kinda stuff before and always lies about it. I’m a honest person and feel guilty if I cheat. Which I haven’t since we’ve started our relationship. She did want to be just friends at the beginning so I saw someone else for a while. In her mind she says that was cheating... I wasn’t even with her! Let alone living together...

Fuck! What should I do? I feel stupid for signing another lease with her knowing what I know now.


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 8
    #25970298 -

Break that lease and move on brudda. If you have to second guess your worth then they don't deserve you. All will work well for you.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: BlueMushies] * 1
    #25970312 -

move out and move on......

or..

forgive her and stay there as friends.

or...


stay together as a couple and accept her for who she is, flaws and all.


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: BlueMushies]
    #25970316 -

Kinda challenging to do when you’re emotionally invested into something. I can barely see her the same way anymore though. I almost don’t even want to have sex with her for a while. Every time we’d trip together I’d feel that energy she carried with her... she would always deny it making me feel like a crazy fool.


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: split_by_nine] * 3
    #25970330 -

Hate me if you want, but I'm about to say give it a chance. Here's why:

So, I'm non-monogamous (you can call it polyamourous or whatever if you want, but I just don't identify with those communities) and I don't think that physical intimacy is as sacred as most people do. But I live in this world, same as everyone, where monogamy is assumed in relationships.

Did you ever have a discussion about exclusivity means? Or that your relationship is sexually monogamous? Or did you assume that was the case? Most people assume.

Either way, she cheated on you, not saying she didn't, but sometimes people come from very different places of what "cheating" is. For example, my gf and I both regularly hook up with other people, but we don't develop relationships beyond friends with them (so, like no I'm not going to Thanksgiving or meeting your family, but I will come to your parties with friends).

Sure there's wierd feelings sometimes, but honestly I've felt worse jealousy from ambigous friendships with my partner's attractive friends.

OK Sorry, getting off track. Here's the big reason I'm saying all this after getting personal: Often, when people cheat on you they don't tell you because they're going to keep doing it and hurting you. They're telling you because they want fix things and move forward. You have every right to feel upset! Not saying you don't.

I am saying that this is a perfect time to DEFINE what monogamy means for you two. Set expectations moving forward and do your best to sweep the past under the rug.

Ya'll were set to split up like 2 weeks ago. She said something like "Fuck it!" and is giving you and the relationship another chance. So are you. This is where she's at. You can't change the past, but you can move forward knowing that she told you and is willing to work with you.

I say keep going, set very specific parameters for what your relationship means related to outside relationships, and take her word for it. I'm sure it was difficult for her to reveal this to you. (also you may want to tell her that if there's more you don't want to know, as knowing can hurt... a lot).

Also, I'm not saying don't be monogamous, I'm really saying define your shit because you've probably been working on more assumptions about relationships than you realized.


--------------------


My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25970351 -

ShaperDreaming said:
I say keep going, set very specific parameters for what your relationship means related to outside relationships, and take her word for it. I'm sure it was difficult for her to reveal this to you. (also you may want to tell her that if there's more you don't want to know, as knowing can hurt... a lot).

Also, I'm not saying don't be monogamous, I'm really saying define your shit because you've probably been working on more assumptions about relationships than you realized.


I really been feeling your pain since reading OP a few minutes ago MadHatter333 - I can imagine how difficult all this is for you - I was literally just whispering 'man I feel sorry for that guy' under my breath as I went about my day as I know what else you've recently been through.

However I gotta say, I think SD has it spot on in this quote. Growth don't come without pain, and if you guys are embarking on something anew, then it's really for the best that ALL the cards are on the table this time. I agree; get everything out now. Sounds like you've been having some good talks; I'd say keep that up.

So perhaps this is one of those 'blessing in disguise' type situations. I've sure known plenty of them, and they always hurt at first. But perhaps this is the perfect opportunity for you to establish something new. Perhaps this is where the phoenix rises from the ashes.

Redefine or walk away with your head held high. I can see you've done the best you could.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25970358 -

:whathesaid:


--------------------


My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25970390 -

Thank you guys for the advice on this.

We did set boundaries before we moved in together stating that we were exclusive, and not to invite people of the opposite sex over unless we got a chance to meet the person. It just seemed like she was bored with me. I had dreadlocks and she told me she loved me no matter what. Although last night she told me she wasn’t as attracted to me when I had them.

Either way, I just want to be able to trust her again. The messed up thing is I even offered to be in a open relationship with her at that time because I knew something was going on and I’d rather her be honest about it. I wouldn’t mind trying a polyamorist relationship with her. She said she doesn’t know how she’d feel about me seeing someone else.

Just makes me feel like I wasn’t good enough for her then. Now that I cut my dreads, have a nicer car, and my confidence is higher she wants me more. Just feels like she only wanted me when I was up. The people at my old job would call me names and talk about me behind my back, so my confidence was very low.

I’ll have to heal this, we’ll have to heal this, within time. Wouldn’t mind sleeping with other people if we could be honest about it. It’s the lies that really piss me off...


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25970409 -

So, to be fair... white people dreads is fugly. :lol:

Too soon? Anyways, fuck it, people look up to you in Mycology, so what ever on other bullshit at work.

And if you really want to look into an open relationship, read either Ethical Slut or Opening Up with her (I recommend Ethical Slut). It talks about what ya'll need to do to establish good boundaries and gives you tools about jealousy.

Also, sheets like this are amazing: https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexapalooza-handout-branded.pdf

Whenever I start with partners I do a sheet like this. Seems silly af, but JESUS is it great and hot to go over. The sheet that's called "Where I draw the lines" may be a good activity for you and her to do.

And, yeah MH, just remember Time is the great healer. :heart:

Mush love! And good luck.

PS: My final thought is that it's fucked up that she had issues thinking about you being with others while she did it... that isn't very egalitarian. That's actually the least cool shit she did in my book.


--------------------


My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming]
    #25970442 -

MadHatter333 said:
We did set boundaries before we moved in together stating that we were exclusive, and not to invite people of the opposite sex over unless we got a chance to meet the person.


Mmmmmm. That makes it a lot harder. The trust is good and fucked if it was already a verbal agreement that was broken, rather than a tacit agreement or something which had remained undefined.

Plus there's that old saying; 'once a cheater always a cheater', which I think has some merit. Some people can do monogamy, some can't. I don't judge and am happy either way but like yourself it's the lies I cannot stand. If I were in your shoes I think I'd be playing the hand that it's open/poly from here on out or nothing.


ShaperDreaming said:
https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexapalooza-handout-branded.pdf


That's cool AF.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25970858 -

That’s a great idea ShaperDreaming! I’ll definitely print that out and go over it with her. I’ll also look into those books you suggested. May be a little out of the comfort zone, but I’m willing to try new things in order for us to be mutually happy.

Yeah... white people dreads aren’t the most attractive lol. I just liked them because it made me feel unique. And yeah, fuck the haters at work!

JSB it wasn’t only verbal either. Before we moved in together we wrote some stuff down we’d like to manifest, as well as boundaries we both had. Mine was the no peeps of the opposite sex over unless we met them. It is pretty shity she didn’t allow me to. I had opportunities, but am not that guy.

All and all, I’ll continue to talk to her. We talked today after my tattoo appointment and I got pretty angry and broke the blinds and door frame. I really need to watch my anger. The reason I got mad was because I brought up the handjobs at work thing. Her response was “you told me you just wanted to be friends with Jamie, but last night you told me you had an attraction towards her”.

I did have a attraction towards my friend, just didn’t act on it. Made me feel like she was trying to justify her actions by brushing it aside like it was no big deal. She does that a lot when I call her out. It’s like she try’s to take the attention/guilt off her and push it on me.

Life... it’s a doozy.


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times *DELETED* [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25970930 -

Post deleted by Antigov

Reason for deletion: :cool:


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Antigov]
    #25970962 -

That’s true... maybe I shouldn’t have said that on here. It feels weird.. pretty nasty if you ask me. Idk man. Fuck!


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25970963 -

MadHatter333 said:
I got pretty angry and broke the blinds and door frame. I really need to watch my anger.


No matter what, you need to control this kind of shit. It's soooooooo destructive. Take it from someone who used to be an anger addict.

Cool, Calm and Collected. Then you win all the battles.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Antigov] * 2
    #25970969 -

Exactly. Doubt she would be asking for advice online if you were fingering ladies for extra cash. Having an open relationship is totally different from you being treated like a chump after setting boundaries. Gotta respect yourself enough to get out and don't let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve to be treated the way you want. Plenty of fish in the sea and such my good man.


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25970984 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
MadHatter333 said:
I got pretty angry and broke the blinds and door frame. I really need to watch my anger.


No matter what, you need to control this kind of shit. It's soooooooo destructive. Take it from someone who used to be an anger addict.

Cool, Calm and Collected. Then you win all the battles.


I remember seeing your post about seeing Red. I started doing Kung Fu classes, helps me feel more balanced after. This was just one of those seeing red moments.

@DispsIple- will probably have to decide wether or not this is worth it. I feel pretty betrayed and regret a lot of stuff. Plenty of fish in the sea for sure... it’s just a fucked situation all around.


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25970991 -

There's plenty more fish in the sea alright.

Only problem is, IMO, 95% of them aint any better than the fish you just lost.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25971001 -

I get that. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Patterns have a tendency to repeat themselves in other relationships or situations until the cycle is broken.


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 2
    #25971002 -

I feel ya brother. Problem is, those patterns tend to repeat themselves cause of our shit; not cause of someone else's.

Somewhere out there there's a partner whose 'fucked up' matches our 'fucked up' just right.

But goddamn you're a lucky fucker if you can find that shit.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25971007 -

Yeah... I’m not perfect ether man. I fuck up sometimes just like anyone else.

Good luck and patience is needed.

Plus ganja :ganja:


--------------------

TEKs I Like

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |  [ show all ]

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Community > Sexuality and Relationships
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* How to best deal with projection? Jokeshopbeard 587 12 05/08/19 05:51 AM
by LogicaL Chaos
* My Girl's Naked, Mushroom-Themed Photos (journal links)
( 1 2 3 4 ... 10 11 all )		 locospacebean 23,314 208 10/22/19 06:51 AM
by zZZz

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, Shroomism, automan, yogabunny, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
2,822 topic views. 0 members, 12 guests and 5 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2026 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.037 seconds spending 0.005 seconds on 17 queries.