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Offlinethesupersoap33
curious george
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Registered: 06/28/16
Posts: 338
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
can't sleep, existential crisis, Ptsd And dissociation
    #23850296 - 11/20/16 01:05 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Can dissociAtion really not happen or turn off for a person thats used it to cope for thirty years? I just want to break down. I had to go back to a job I hate. My experience with life is that it's always been overwhelming circumstances. I wake up in a dissociated state. I'd really to hear someone's survival story of this ever happened to them and they stopped. To me, it's because my parents raised me to hate myself and how I felt to cover up their shitty ways of abusing me
  It was okay to dissociate at one time but I fear I will never stop. My life has been ruined and robbed from me in this respect. I've become obsessed with death and aging. I can't describe a clear feeling I have.

I trip because I assume it will make me more conscious of uncomfortable parts of myself. I am angry that I may never find myself again after all I've been through.


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Anonymous #1

Re: can't sleep, existential crisis, Ptsd And dissociation [Re: thesupersoap33]
    #23853086 - 11/21/16 12:41 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I did that a lot as a kid to escape domestic violence and alcohol abuse within my family, and now after a big sequence of traumatic events, I could be suffering Bipolar and PTSD.

I find it hard to feel much anymore, I'm not the same person I was a year pr so ago, things have changed hysterically.

I have fairly bad social anxiety, can't go out in public much. I get "Lilliputian Hallucinations", or AIWs.

But even though I walk around like a zombie, feeling hardly any emotions (The worst thing is I causes more physical pain then it does psychologically), I still feel some sort of hope within. It's just a matter of searching deep into myself, and reflecting what I see, so it makes it easier to remember all of these things about the real me, the happy me, that kid who couldn't get enough satisfaction from the world. In general I was extremely happy, I started using psychedelics for the first time, which is what brought me here.

And in 110% honesty, I've been going a little hard on DXM, in a way it helps, I face thoughts that I usually suppress when I'm sober. Memories of things that I haven't thought of in years just come back to me, almost flashbacks. And when I wake up the next morning, I have the understanding that there is happiness within myself. But I digress and gladly say I'm giving it up, I waste too much time on it, months have gone by and I haven't accomplished much besides receive a University application. I'm going to start going wilderness exploring again, start occasional meditation sessions, and maybe even explore psychedelics a little more (the proper kind of psychedelics).

But my form of insight is even though you may not be able to find that piece of yourself within, it's there, regardless of how bad life is ATM.

Cheers:nyan::sunny:


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