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Invisiblefalsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
How to use tinder and get results. * 1
    #23470609 - 07/23/16 08:56 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)


I'm copying and adding to this from a WCA post I wrote for hex, but figured all you vaccinated pubbers could use this. Notice how I said pubbers? Mods, please, do not move this to S&R... pretty please? I think this fits great in the pub and will generate more discussion.

I did a couple hours of research, actually analyzing statistics pulled from third party data capture programs. Women/girls are highly selective on tinder, they only swipe right on 00.6% of displayed profiles, vs men who swipe right 90%+. So you have to be on your game and use all these tactics that will make you appealable to the opposite (or same :shrug:) sex. Guys trying to find guys, use grindr or go to a gayclub, you guys wont have any trouble finding someone.

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  • Health and Fitness

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A general prerequisite to being successful on tinder is to be in good shape (sub 15% body fat for guys, sub 25% is the for the ladies) I get great matches between 12-14% bf. Overweight guys/women trying to find guys/girls, lose some weight (it only requires willpower if you don't have a lipid storage disorder). We don't expect you to be anorexic supermodels, just either curvy or slim; if you can get to slim, awesome! If not curvy is A OK. Curves does not mean overweight. If you're not an overweight girl, you can stop reading here -- you galls should have no trouble finding men.

Nota Bene: Obesity is not ok, by any stretch. Your brain might feel happy about it, you can "accept" yourself all you want, but it will slowly destroy your body and stress your cardiovascular system. This is irrefutable due to the sheer number of studies published on obesity. For yourself and other's, stop eating so goddamn much. Go see a doctor and he'll probably hook you up with something like phentermine to lose weight. If you're morbidly obese good god why are you reading this, see a doctor immediately. I've known women go from 350lb to 100lb in five years or so and be so much happier. 

I say this as a guy who used to be overweight bordering on obese, but then I started working out, swimming three miles two days a week and kept up with bodyweight workouts cycling legs, abs, chest, biceps/traps throughout the week. I stopped eating junk food and became reasonably fit at 17, now I'm pretty damn fit from rescue swimmer training, hiking, and I still do bodyweight workouts every week. You only get one body, so don't fuck it up. If you need more willpower take an extremely hot shower and chill it down to the lowest it can go, it will be uncomfortable, but it's the small things that build up confidence and willpower, like workout music, crank that shit to 11 and go hard until you literally can not take another step/rep. Just do as much as you can, your first few workouts are probably going to be disappointing, but keep with it. Weigh yourself monthly, not daily, not weekly. Bodyweight fluctuates immensely throughout the day/week due to food currently in your digestive tract, water retention... etc.

---------------------------------

This is overweight in my misogynistic (:rolleyes:) opinion. By that I mean, she needs to lose a bit to make it to curvy.



This is curvy in my subjective opinion.



Note the bone structure, not overweight or even needing to lose weight.

---------------------------------
They have calipers at my university, and most uni's do so get your bf checked. Also, if you're feeling responsible get a dated full panel STD test. Just incase your date asks. That goes for girls as well.

Here's a rough visual bf chart for guys (although water weight makes a big difference, I can go from six pack to bloated by eating high sodium food):


and one for the ladies


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  • Grooming

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Another is to be well groomed, your scraggliness will only impress your fellow hippies. If you can't grow a beard, shave, if you can grow a beard -- do it, but keep it kept. Neckbeards are a tricky subject, if you can only grow hair on your neck, shave that shit. If you can grow a beard with decent facial coverage and it doesn't extend too far down the neck that is perfect. The hair around your jugulars will grow faster and be thicker (evolutionary purpose being the need to keep your brain warm) so consider trimming those to match the rate of growth everywhere else. I don't, but only because my gf likes it.

Girls, I know jack shit about grooming aside from the fact that going down on someone with two day stubble is far less enjoyable than someone that waxes or is clean shaven. Landing strips are cool in my opinion, but really it's up to you. Guys, to not go down on someone with stubble on your face, period end. Either be clean shaven or have a decent beard.

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  • To swipe, or not to swipe?

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Guys, swipe on everyone, girls, only swipe on the guys you're attracted to and think you would get along with. This requires tinder plus, it's worth it if you're serious about meeting people on tinder.

Once again girls only swipe right on 00.6% of profiles, on average, and if you swipe right on me I'll definitely message you first (if you don't have your own noticeable gravitational pull). It's just the way she goes boys, women are very selective on dating apps. Men aren't as selective but still want to find a good looking chick, and most a good personality.

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  • Photos

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This has been the trickiest one for me to nail down, but I think I have it down based on ten profiles I set up, all with different orders of photos.

Surprisingly, this is also important for girls, but critical for guys.

This should be your picture order:

1) First shot needs to be a high quality picture of your face, and include some way to determine your body type. Do not include others in this pic unless one could easily determine who's the owner of the profile. Make it a friendly pic, like a picture a kitten would curl up and purr on.

2) You should add a flattering full body (clothes, wear them) pic, one again where it's obviously you. Bathing suits are the minimum wear for these pics even if you're jacked like volcomstoner/Eminence and have a body to show off. Keep it tasteful and wear some underwear at the least.

3)This one should be you hanging with a friend, having fun, and doing or being somewhere respectable.

4) A pic of you doing cool shit, or a pic just to show you're not a boring person. Ideally, you should have extreme sports pics where it's clear you're in them.

5) Have any cool skills/hobbies? Add em, flying a plane, scuba diving, cliff jumping, spelunking, your artwork (my friends, using psychedelic artwork is risky, but on the other hand you could find a shroomy chick that trips).

Hopefully you get the general pattern by now. Be interesting, fun loving, not creepy, and if you're not already interesting -- start doing cool stuff. Get out there and have some fun (safely, otherwise you might severely injure yourself). Not just for tinder but for your own enjoyment.

________________________________________________________________________________
  • Description

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Be honest on your profile, add in all the information you can about work/study, fill the description with what you're looking for, your passions/skills/hobbies, height if you're average or tall, make it appear as friendly as a one month old kitten. Honesty is highly important here, if you're looking for more than a hookup.

If you don't work or study, put down where you plan to work or study, even if it's not a reality yet. My old jiu jitsu instructor called that telling the truth in advance.

________________________________________________________________________________
  • The Icebreaker (you just got a new match)!

________________________________________________________________________________

This section is critical:

Initiate conversation with a match using information from their profile description and go from there, at this point it's all about them (ask questions like a gentleman). Point out similarities and add in some light humor. Say tinder is lagging for me or some bullshit (it actually does have real lag and goes down time to time), then send the match your number. My exact line is (Hey, tinder is lagging on me, here's my number in case you want to text/call. Seriously no pressure though, just wanted to have a backup incase tinder goes down.)

If they have a snapchat, add them on snapchat too(download it before swiping)! 99% of the time do not get sexual before meeting in person, if you feel she's holding back and waiting for you to instigate, SLOWLY start getting sexual, I usually go from innuendo to the more raunchy stuff in about two days depending. If your match is looking for a one night stand, they'll let you know. Ex. a first message I got (I just really want to get spanked and choked), super easy to go from there.

Try not to sext before meeting in person first at a safe, well lighted place where your match would feel comfortable, I've found cafes with light meal option and tons of drink options work the best. Super flexible, as if you click with this person you could be there a while. I spent five hours talking to my current gf at starbucks when we first met. If you're wondering why I'm posting such a long thread about tinder with a gf, we're swingers I'm straight she's bi and really is into girls, it's an ideal situation for both of us. We both have free passes to sleep with other women/girls, she doesn't really like 95% of guys.

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  • The First Date

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Activities that provide an adrenaline rush bond new couples together very quickly due to a slew of neurotransmitters. So, if you can afford it, take her skydiving as a first date if she's up for it, or something equally thrilling (roller coasters, lasertag, cliffjumping if you can do it safely). Don't take her on an average date is what I'm saying, engage her sympathetic nervous system. Really go above and beyond on the first real date. Neurobiologically this is an ethical trick to bond faster with your date.

After the date, try to set one up again, girls generally want guys to decide but offer her the choice of picking the time/place, it will be appreciated.

I have a cliff-jumping date scheduled for next weekend at a safer place than I was at on Wednesday (water's ten times deeper and no freeclimbing is involved). I also have a lasertag date scheduled for tonight so it's not like I'm feeding you guys bullshit, these tactics work.

After this you should get the hang of it, continuing on in your relationships I mean. You're biologically programmed to find someone and bond physically and emotionally.

If you want to know how to talk to girls I could release a few complete interactions (and notes) with tinder hookups on a non-indexed/accessible sub forum.


Edited by falsereality (07/23/16 08:57 PM)


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Invisibleimpatientguy
Ganjalf a very mighty lab wizard
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 5,054
Loc: USA
Re: How to use tinder and get results. [Re: falsereality]
    #23470621 - 07/23/16 09:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)



--------------------
Super clean spore printing method: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/5276177



Edited by impatientguy (07/23/16 09:07 PM)


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OfflineApostle
Philanthropist
 User Gallery


Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
Re: How to use tinder and get results. [Re: falsereality] * 1
    #23470623 - 07/23/16 09:02 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

saving for later.


btw i'd let that overweight chick sit on my face until i no longer had a pulse.


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Invisiblefalsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
Re: How to use tinder and get results. [Re: impatientguy]
    #23470645 - 07/23/16 09:12 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

impatientguy said:
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/22943045#22943045

Reminded me of this post lol




What a bullshit thread. Set charges while scuba diving through tunnels/caves? Highly trained divers can cave dive, but with explosives you need a test burn and then make sure it goes off when it's supposed to (when you're out of the fucking water), underwater demo is one of the most dangerous things you can do while diving, and very rarely do highly certified civilians get to do that.

This guy is so full of shit, and the girl too dumb to notice.


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