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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
poetry through misery.
    #2167757 - 12/08/03 01:36 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)

countless times, i have dodged a suicide attempt with some writing.
last night was tough.

Quote:

Fuck your lack of sleepless nights, your lack of anxiety, your lack of unhappiness.
Fuck your undeserved success.
Fuck your justified content.
Fuck your stability.
Fuck you and your reason to live.
Fuck the imbalance of society.
Fuck the unimportance of solid intellect.
Fuck everything, until the corruption makes my misery happiness in comparison.

I wish for a comforted heart and an icy hand rips it from my chest.
And yet, do I even deserve that?
How far does my worthlessness extend?
Is my misery only a perk of being a miserable failure?
Why must everything be out of reach?
Why am I forced to play a wicked game of cards, where I am dealt nothing but bad hands?
I want out of it, so
Push me off this wet cliff of desolation and I will fall:
What?s left to hold on to?
Many would say love. But what love have I ever had?
Only bitter sympathy. Only cold remarks.
At the most, poorly acted synthetic emotion.

Keep it to yourself, for I now must descend.




i also try to write during lighter times, like this from a few weeks ago:
Quote:


I want to conform.
I want to smile.
I want to raise my chin and declare,

?The storm has passed,
The drought is gone,
And I am here and I am sound.?

Though my bones have grown hollow from years of such empty feeling
At times like this, I can feel them fill with my own superiority.
At times like this, I stand with full posture and stiff expression.
I stretch and, for a while, open my eyes with divine satisfaction and say:

I have no qualms about sprouting my wings to elevate myself far above you.
Despite those destitute years of misery and corruption
And despite the 10-ton burdens I drag behind me
I will climb, and I will mount myself atop the steepest plateau in this damned city,
And with great pride I will divide this dark cloudy sky with an everlasting will to live.




By the way, i'm new here. My name is Cyrus, and I apologize if this is misplaced, but it is the only way for me to express how i'm feeling without feeling pathetic or crying.


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2167917 - 12/08/03 02:57 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)

things are tough much of the time. head up, its hard, but head up


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2167949 - 12/08/03 03:13 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)

I like your poetry.


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OfflineMonkah
abreactionsynchronicity
Registered: 08/26/01
Posts: 179
Loc: location? i exist somwher...
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2168258 - 12/08/03 06:09 AM (13 years, 5 days ago)


wow i really liked those poems

wich too me is truely amazing,
considering that im extremly picky about poetry
because rarely anything catch's my atention
i guess it stems from me being a poet myself

specialy the last one
it was power-full
such visions worded out
are beautiful maps
to self-knowledge-able bliss

i thank you.


--------------------
*NEW!* from Monkah Inc.The "Silence game" hold an exhilerating game between you and a friend,see who finds silence first! (warning:M. Inc. patented silence-in-its-self,failure to pay up will result in sending satan after you! err,we mean our laywer!)


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Anonymous #1

Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2168571 - 12/08/03 10:56 AM (13 years, 4 days ago)

At least you have something to be proud of.. your immense skill in creating poetry.

When things look bleak it's better to turn to writing instead of hurting yourself. Trust me, I know. I wish I could replace the scars on my wrists and arms with well-crafted poetry. That way I wouldn't have to hide it.

Do you write anything aside from poetry? Fiction? If you want, PM me and we can bounce ideas and creations off each other.

peace


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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: ]
    #2168956 - 12/08/03 02:25 PM (13 years, 4 days ago)

thanks, guys. means alot.
aside from this kind of stuff, i'm into writing screenplays and music.
i'd love to share both sometime soon, but neither are complete enough at this point to impress.

i hope to combine both in about 5 years to make the most ambitious writer/director debut i could possibly have. hopefully i'll follow through with that dream, otherwise it's off to being a miserable doctor or underpaid artist


--------------------
// your halo slipping down
// to choke you now


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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2178393 - 12/15/03 02:55 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i've been horrible.
Quote:

the median of life and death.
a car without keys.
a plug that won't reach.
a door frozen shut.
a cave without walls.
-
whatever compelled me to cross that line
has left me alone again and behind
red pupils of an unnatural kind
they hold my heart, break it, and leave me as blind.




Quote:

a window breaks, but you cant hear it.
a fire burns, but you cant feel it.
-
how did you find yourself here?
my own vast darkness,
a life without boundries?
-
unlocked another whisper. undream.
neutral unreality.
i thought i had warned you...
unlock another dream.
tear it at the seams, i...
didn't i warn you?




Quote:


she hangs on the sun
to see the world.
where did you go?
where did life go?
-
there she is now.
that's my child, yes!
there's my star
with knife in heart.
-
blood on the floor
a lifestamp of reasoning.
unwashable reckoning.

now, a chaulk outline...
a marker of grieving
made sidewalks amazing.




Quote:

maltemptation and bad luck comfort
in rearrangements of no kind or sort
that we're exposed to until our rebirth
and we are called to protect the earth
-
maybe youd like it if you'd listen to what i say.
maybe youd like it, but i can't find another way.
maybe youd like it if your life was ending today.
-
DON'T MAKE ME WAIT FOR IT.
I'D RATHER DIE THAN SAY GOODBYE.




Quote:


hands clutch her neck.
a love laid to waste, or
an anchor unhitched, or
a fire put out, or
a love that is missed.
-
my teeth clench and wings flex.
an emotion that allows no seams.
wounds iron out and stance retracts.
joints extend and nails dig in.
flesh conforms to inevitable transformations.

watch me as i change.




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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2181451 - 12/16/03 02:25 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I like some of those alot.. some not as much.
definate talent dude. What I really like is the honesty, I am always bugged by artists who are not honest.. I have noticed myself doing this before, like I was afraid I had gone to far, so I erased, and burned, and pretended it was not so.. but in the end the deception was not the reflection but me.

Luckily most of my art is honest..a little akwardness is good to really push a point..the pain makes the pleasure so much sweeter.
Heh what has you so down man?
If you would like to talk about things, please do.

Either way keep sharing your poems I like to read them.


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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2188954 - 12/18/03 11:51 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

when i close my eyes, i can feel it:
the buildings shaking.
my last limb breaking.
a crimson shadow towering over my once-recognizable body.

i've lost it all:
the strings that bind me together.
the heart i'd held to forever.
the infinity of words, actions, and feelings i'd never displayed.

leave me the fuck alone.
weld my door shut.
board up my windows.
destroy the light.
tie me down.
cross me out.
leave me to fucking die.

they don't care for me now.
maybe they never cared to begin with.




--------------------
// your halo slipping down
// to choke you now


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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2189046 - 12/19/03 12:41 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

for those that havent seen my art, i did another self portrait tonight.
sooner or later i might make an 'artwork through misery' thread.


--------------------
// your halo slipping down
// to choke you now


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Offlineskoomaguitarist
pathetique

Registered: 12/20/03
Posts: 201
Loc: superfailure
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2194779 - 12/22/03 01:24 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

have you ever considered being a singer/songwriter? if so, please give me a pm sometime


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Invisibleacidcrys
intoxicating
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/20/03
Posts: 3,393
Loc: Home.
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: cyrus]
    #2204450 - 12/27/03 08:09 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

You know.. if you ever, ever need to talk..  I'm always here for you Cyrus.. always.. if you want my number.. or ever want me to call you so we can talk that way.. I'm totally up for it.

Like others have said, be glad that you have your poetry, and your art. As another talented artistic person :smile: I know.. i know oh so much how it can help through times of pain. I don't write poetry much anymore- because its so hard to dig back into that area of my mind.. but I used to.. before I started dating chris mainly.. which I think made it easier.. I was depressed beyong belief.. then I was happy when him and I got together.. and then the next time things fucked up.. i was so lost.. because I had tasted ignorant bliss.. then was tossed back into a fucked up life..

I wish I could write.. it digs at me so much.. its such a good release.. and I'm glad you can do it. You words are beautiful.. as is your art.

If you ever want to share poetry some time :tongue: ill show you mine if you want :smile: I think I might try to write some more soon.. its so hard though :frown:

good luck sweetie, ::hugs:: im here for you, and wishing the best for you


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Offlinecyrus
c i c a t r i z

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 152
Loc: san diego, ca
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: poetry through misery. [Re: acidcrys]
    #2205138 - 12/28/03 03:59 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

*high five crys*
im okay crys, i'm just not good at talking about things so i try to use them towards something else.

however while i may be a stable guy, it doesnt mean i wont end up ringing you and chris both sometime :]

<3


--------------------
// your halo slipping down
// to choke you now


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