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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17493498 -

The fact you find her smokin' probably doesn't hurt either, I imagine...

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17495242 -

I know what you mean OP, I've been there. You don't want just anybody to be able to get with your girl, it should be an achievement, it should be hard-won, it should be about the person not about sex or anything else. So I can see how that would annoy you. And since it bothers you I think you should break up with her. But don't blame her, because she hasn't done anything wrong.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #16]
    #17496587 -

Anonymous #16 said:
I know what you mean OP, I've been there. You don't want just anybody to be able to get with your girl, it should be an achievement, it should be hard-won, it should be about the person not about sex or anything else. So I can see how that would annoy you. And since it bothers you I think you should break up with her. But don't blame her, because she hasn't done anything wrong.


Yeah, I've thought heavily about this.
If things don't get better, then I'll have to end it.

I'll feel bad though, because I know she will blame herself; even if I don't blame her in the slightest.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17497205 -

Do give it time, though, time relative to how great you think she is.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17497346 -

Yeah, I'm 6 months in now, I figure I'll give it another 6 months.
If it's not better by that point, then I figure it wont be getting better.

I also need to seriously cut back on the recreational drug usage.
I think it's seriously stagnating my emotional development.
I'm not gonna be able to deal with this shit if I'm high all the time.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17499129 -

Truth

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #16]
    #17532155 -

Anonymous #16 said:
You don't want just anybody to be able to get with your girl, it should be an achievement, it should be hard-won, it should be about the person not about sex or anything else.


I actually feel the opposite of that. If my wife wanted to have sex with another dude or girl for the pure experience of having that sex, I can deal with that. But if I am to imagine then an emotional bond developing between them, that's where jealousy and self pity and all that nasty nasty shit surfaces.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #17]
    #17532391 -

It's hard for me to let that happen, because I am uninterested in sex unless I feel an emotional bond.
I guess it's just hard for me to imagine my girl fucking other dudes without some emotional connection being there.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #17532464 -

Yo nigga move on, it will be good for your soul.  There are a million other sexy intelligent females out there.  If you live in some small podunk town yea it might be rough so explore.  There are billions of people in the world.  You will forget this girl as soon as you find other opportunities.  Trust me you will laugh in a year or 6 months how hung up you were.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #17532476 -

Oh and the jealously thing, that to will go away in short order.  Who cares what someone else is shoving up inside their body really.

You shall see the light.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #17532529 -

Nah, I'm not gonna move on just yet.
This one is definitely worth keeping around.

I told her almost everything I wrote in the OP, and instead of getting mad at me, she was more upset with herself.
I don't think many girls could hear what I had to say and still keep a cool head like that.

Plus, she put things into perspective for me regarding her situation, so I understand where she's coming from better than I did before.

Neither of us have ever been in a serious dedicated relationship, so it's taking some adjusting for the both of us.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #17532732 -

You'll end up wasting time my friend.

Keep her around but at least cultivate new friendships with women.

You should at least have options.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #17532806 -

Anonymous #18 said:
You'll end up wasting time my friend.

Keep her around but at least cultivate new friendships with women.

You should at least have options.


What makes you say that?
You seem to have more insight into my situation than I do.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #17533081 -

I say that because you are emotionally hung up on one individual and their own actions independent of your own self.

It's a fucked up cycle that literally will not get you anywhere.

You want her to know how you feel and how she has impacted you.

Guess what?  You'll never be able to control what she does or somehow make all her actions make sense in your own eyes.

The truth is (which is painful at first) she is her own person.  She had sex with you and your buddies and she will have sex with others in the future.

You really just have to be happy with yourself without anything else.  That means this girl.  You have to or else you will just be a sad sucker hooked this one vagina you have bestowed with these supernatural emotionally magnetizing powers.

Do shit that makes you happy, get in shape, be totally content sitting at home on a weekend night and not giving two shits if shes not around, not answering her texts or wondering what shes doing.

Once you have this personal sense of contentment then you can really be the person YOU want.  Not hung up on another human who is and is allowed to do whatever they want.  Their actions will never make perfect sense to you because they are not you.

Once you don't give a fuck and are just happy and content, that is when the pussy will flow.  Trying to hard will just make your life worse.  As someone who is experienced with this I have multiple women in my life currently where if one decides she isn't feeling me so much anymore do I fret?  No I don't, because that's life, people do their own thing.

There is always something bigger and better around the corner, don't get caught up, it'll make you miserable.

Oh and if it ever feels like your forcing something to work (like a relationship) it definitely will not work in the long run.  At best one of you will be having a shitty time desperately hanging on when you could be much happier on your own.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #17] * 1
    #17542496 -

Actually, I feel that a successful relationship comes essentially from two people being on the same team.  The reason I'm still in my current relationship, despite it being hard work some of the time, is that we never fight, try to win points or try to hurt each other.  Never.  If we have a problem, we both try to understand exactly what's going on, figure out where our differences lie and work through them.

What you say about the need to be happy when you're alone; being independent and shit though, I completely agree with.  I just don't agree that the OP's situation is a write-off. He'll be a lot healthier if he can get rid of his jealousy issues, and he might as well try doing that before breaking up with the smoking hot girl he's been with for a while.

Quote:
Anonymous #17 said:If my wife wanted to have sex with another dude or girl for the pure experience of having that sex, I can deal with that. But if I am to imagine then an emotional bond developing between them, that's where jealousy and self pity and all that nasty nasty shit surfaces.


More truth.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7] * 1
    #17542597 -

True. 

I think starting something with foundations that were built when you weren't in the most healthy mindset/jealous/paranoid/unsure/questioning motives can prove to be troublesome going forward.

A lot about relationships is learning from past ones and realizing the same awesome feelings (seemingly ineffable at the time) that you had for an ex can re-occur on far more solid footing with another person.

The playing field and life for that matter completely opens up when you allow yourself to break out from patterns you grow accustomed and comfortable in.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #17542619 -

But yea I also know what its like realizing you won't be having hot animal-like unprotected sex with a particular extremely attractive mixed race fit woman anymore.

If you deal and look past that and go forward into the future it is a lot easier.

edit: jack off away those lingering feelings if its time to move on, usually you'll figure out when your gut tells you..

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #18]
    #17542630 -

Anonymous #18 said:
But yea I also know what its like realizing you won't be having hot animal-like unprotected sex with a particular extremely attractive mixed race fit woman anymore.



:lol:

Thanks for the input guys, I'll keep it in mind.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17543167 -

Welcome to the post WWII delusion game of romantic love as widely proclaimed by the trashy movies we are fed.

Two good tips to exit the game and finally land in the lovely twenty first century:
1) A relationship needs two (or more :smirk:) equal human beings, who view each other as equal. Everything else gets really fucked up and messy. You do not own her, she does not own you and there is no point in showing your insecurities to her. Trust me, she's got those herself.
2) Try empathy. Would you be attracted to someone constantly whining to you how fucked up everything is?

I wish you trust in your path. :mushroom2:

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #19]
    #17565390 -

op, you're not ready for a relationship, hahaha


jesus, being haunted by what someone's done in the past?  who fucking cares.  is she fucking other people behind your back?  no?  who cares if she fucked other people before you.

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