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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #17487153 -

Anonymous #5 said:
Anonymous #1 said:
I don't choose to have these thoughts.



Right - You can't choose your feelings.  But you can choose how you react to your feelings.


True.
I guess I really am focusing on the wrong things.
Or at least how I've been reacting to my emotions has been unhealthy.

I think I need to find out why I feel inadequate, and what I can do to feel better.

Thanks for the input guys. I really do appreciate what you all have to say.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #17487240 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Anonymous #7 said:
If you're having feelings of inadequacy, remind yourself that if she's with you, it's for a reason.  If you're not sure that reason's good enough, then that's another problem *you* need to work past, because if you can't convince yourself that you're worth catching, good luck trying to convince anyone else.


Thanks, I needed to hear this.
I have never felt inadequate before, but somehow I do now.
It definitely is something I need to work past.
I appreciate what you said though, it's offered me some insight.


No worries, dude.

FWIW, I've been apart from my lady for a long time.  It's been hard for both of us.  A couple of days ago she told me that she slept with someone she'd been hanging out with a bunch lately.  I saw it coming, even if she didn't, because I know what guys are like (funny, that).

Now it stung, to be sure, but I understand what happened and why (and it's probably worth noting that I had slept with someone else while we were apart, which hurt her a lot).

At the end of the day though, that wasn't what worried me.  There's no point in feeling guilty or concerned about trivial things that have been done.  My concern wasn't that she had slept with someone else, but that I might be losing her.  If she started seeing/sleeping with this guy and then realised that maybe she could get everything from him that she wanted from me, without the pain of waiting, then that is something that would upset me; losing someone I love.

That hasn't happened.  If anything it's dulled her potential curiosity about sleeping with other people and made us stronger.

Having spoken to a friend who's slept with a lot of women over the last twenty years, I found an important perspective.

If you're with someone who's working their way through a bunch of people, that's bad (unless you're doing the same thing; just enjoying having a bunch of sex).  But being in a relationship with someone who's been with more people is actually a good thing, because the more people you sleep with, the less important the act of sex becomes, along with superficial traits.  The value of sex changes, and I think it's an important part of maturing; to get the superficial stuff out of the way before you try to find a partner for life.

Value what you have, dude, because I'd rather date someone who wanted me after having experienced being with a bunch of other guys than a virginal girl who has no perspective and could be easily interested in some new thing that passes her in the street because she hasn't figured out what she wants yet.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17487293 -

Can you just be my therapist?
:lol:

No but seriously, what you're saying is speaking to me directly, and it's really helping.
I feel dumb letting myself get caught up in such a hopeless perspective.

So are you and your girl still together, or taking a break until you can see each other again?

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17487340 -

"So while I don't think of you as being "easy", some darker part of my subconscious does."

Yeah, cuz a woman who fucks a guy who says "Are we gonna fuck, or what?" is hard one to reel in.

I don't know this chick but from reading this, she's damn easy. Any girl with a shred of self respect would most likely slap a dude hard for asking that. The only exception of course, them being in a long term relationship.

Edited by Anonymous (01/02/13 06:41 PM)

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #17487361 -

I know, I know.

My girlfriend used to be a slut.

But from what she has told me, and seeing her actions first hand; I believe she has changed.

She explained to me why she was promiscuous and it makes sense. Her mom is a bipolar drug addict, and her dad is a childish asshole. Neither of them took the time to properly raise her.

She just wanted to feel loved.
She thought maybe she could fill that giant gaping wound that her parents left in her with the love of somebody else.

She's an amazing girl though, I wouldn't be with her otherwise.

She's also incredibly hot :naughty:

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #17487363 -

Anonymous #8 said:
man, don't read her that. even if she does sit and listen to it all, she is going to lose respect for you. 

women are fucked up.  they love what they want, or what they are not sure if they have.  we fuck them cause they're attractive.  most of them fuck us because of the things we have or the emotional detachment we show.  emotional insecurity is a turn off to say the least.

the fact she has prevented you from saying that crap to her so far should be a major hint man.  if she wanted to hear that, she would have listened.

so she's a ho.  deal with it or don't.


I was going to say something, but that pretty much sums it up.  If you spend 30 mins reading that to her, even on some subconscious level she'll think you're some kind of pussy.  If it bothers you that much, break up with her.  I know we're supposed to think that communication is the lifeblood of relationships, but sometimes talking about things just kills the magic.  Maybe she was just meant to be a step on the ladder on your "journey of love" or whatever, not the final destination.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #17487383 -

Anonymous #1 said:
I know, I know.

My girlfriend used to be a slut.

But from what she has told me, and seeing her actions first hand; I believe she has changed.

She explained to me why she was promiscuous and it makes sense. Her mom is a bipolar drug addict, and her dad is a childish asshole. Neither of them took the time to properly raise her.

She just wanted to feel loved.
She thought maybe she could fill that giant gaping wound that her parents left in her with the love of somebody else.

She's an amazing girl though, I wouldn't be with her otherwise.

She's also incredibly hot :naughty:


You pretty much seem to be looking at her through rose tinted glasses. You're convincing yourself (or trying to) that the bad isn't really bad. "She's changed man! She's not that person anymore." I've heard that so many times from my friends, guess what... She never did change and my friends got hurt.

Then they ask the stupidest fucking question. Why. Now I'm supposed to pretend like this isn't all his fault and that 'shit just happens'. No, it's entirely his fault, he saw the warning signs and chose to ignore them because he wanted to make the relationship work. Hell I've even done that a couple times myself.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #17487387 -

Anonymous #10 said:
I was going to say something, but that pretty much sums it up.  If you spend 30 mins reading that to her, even on some subconscious level she'll think you're some kind of pussy.  If it bothers you that much, break up with her.  I know we're supposed to think that communication is the lifeblood of relationships, but sometimes talking about things just kills the magic.  Maybe she was just meant to be a step on the ladder on your "journey of love" or whatever, not the final destination.


Me and my girl don't have the typical relationship. We don't play into gender roles too much.
We don't see each other as the "boy" and "girl" in the relationship, we just see each other for who we really are.
I'm in touch with my feminine side, and she's in touch with her masculine side. We're both bi, so I think that makes us more open to it.

I talk about my emotions with her, and I've cried in front of her. She knows my insecurities, and I know hers.
She still doesn't think I'm a pussy though.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #17487420 -

Anonymous #9 said:
You pretty much seem to be looking at her through rose tinted glasses. You're convincing yourself (or trying to) that the bad isn't really bad. "She's changed man! She's not that person anymore." I've heard that so many times from my friends, guess what... She never did change and my friends got hurt.

Then they ask the stupidest fucking question. Why. Now I'm supposed to pretend like this isn't all his fault and that 'shit just happens'. No, it's entirely his fault, he saw the warning signs and chose to ignore them because he wanted to make the relationship work. Hell I've even done that a couple times myself.


I totally hear you on this.
I have seen the same thing happen to my friends.
I also don't trust people easily.
When I first learned how promiscuous she used to be, it really set off alarms in my head.
I became paranoid and started looking for any hints or signs that she was still playing the field.

We talked about it though, and she explained why she was the way she was, and why she changed.

Now some part of me is still paranoid, because I know how easy it could be for her to go back on her old ways. She has guys that she used to hook up with hitting her up all the time, so it's a little worrisome.

Actions speak louder than words though, and from what I've seen, I truly believe she has changed.

I can only hope that I don't end up eating my words one day.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17487546 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Can you just be my therapist?
:lol:

No but seriously, what you're saying is speaking to me directly, and it's really helping.
I feel dumb letting myself get caught up in such a hopeless perspective.

So are you and your girl still together, or taking a break until you can see each other again?


We are (together).

We've been long distance for a while, waiting until we're both finished with our educations and can come together and make a go of it; see if we want to be together.

It'll only be a few more months, so yeah. And she's worth it.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17487559 -

Interesting. I may want to talk to you more at a later period, because my and my girl might go through the same thing.

She'd be moving an hour or so away for school. Normally I wouldn't want to try the long distance thing, but I think she's also worth it.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17487771 -

Fischer, at your service...  PM me sometime.

Something else that bears mentioning that I couldn't be arsed typing on my phone; she's not a slut, ex-slut - whatever you want to call it.

If you let yourself think that way, then you'll lose respect for her and that will cause you both issues down the track.  The issue is primarily with the negative/judgemental connotations of the word (which for some reason doesn't apply to guys?) and association that connotation with your girlfriend.

Admittedly, making yourself feel wanted isn't a particularly healthy reason to have sex with a lot of people, but it's hardly rare.  She has had sex with a lot of people. That doesn't really matter.  What matters is how you find her now and whether you trust her fidelity and feelings for you.

As an aside, the ability for you to accept her past, rather than putting up with it, is something that she may value deeply if she sees and believes it.  Think about it - she's wanted to be loved for so long, and here is someone who loves and accepts her wholly and doesn't judge her, despite her history that might turn other guys off.  It makes you more valuable to her and therefore more confident in yourself.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7] * 2
    #17488461 -

didn't you see chasing amy?  have a threesome.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #17489595 -

Anonymous #4 said:
Don't read it to her. Burn it up & allow your feelings to float away with the smoke.


This and only this.

Also you would do well to listen to Let a Ho Be a Ho by the Geto Boys. There's a lot of wisdom beneath the thin layer of misogyny.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #12] * 2
    #17490558 -

i read your queer letter now he is going to think you are seeing another man

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #13]
    #17490618 -

LOL

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7] * 1
    #17490710 -

Anonymous #7 said:
Look, mate, you can't help feeling how you feel, but you have to realise that having hang-ups about her previous sexual experience are *your* hang-ups.

It sounds like she's not ashamed (nor should she be) and all it serves to do is try and justify why *you are*.

This is something you need to get over if you want to have a successful relationship with her.  That is not an easy ask; maybe not even possible for you.  It requires a fundamental shift in your attitude toward sex and your relationship.  Maybe take a fuckload of shrooms and think on it, iunno.



This is the best advice given.  Honestly, you sound quite immature.  This entire letter reads like:  "Omfg, you slept with him, then him, and I don't know why, ad is he better than me, etc etc.".  It's petty high school drama.

You need to realize that as you age and enter your late twenties, thirties, and forties people develop a sexual past.  At some point, "numbers", and perceptions about who slept with whom should dissolve.

It sounds like she matured past that point, and you haven't.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #17491576 -

Yeah, in some ways I am immature.
I'm still young and have lots of growing to do. I'm not afraid to admit that.

Anyways, we talked last night.
I didn't read her the letter but I mentioned some of the things that I wrote on there.

She was upset to find out that I was going through all this emotional turmoil without telling her. She knew something was going on inside my head, but she wasn't sure what it was since I wouldn't talk about it for the longest time.

She's been going through a lot of shit the past two months, so I didn't want to drop it on her then. It would have just been too much for her.

However, we talked for a good few hours last night and sorted it all out.
She understands where I'm coming from, and I can't thank her enough for that.
We both feel a lot better having talked it out. It's broken down some of the walls we put up between each other over the past few months; so it felt good being able to be closer to her than before.


To all the guys who said that I shouldn't bother with this pussy bullshit:
:flipthebird:

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17491874 -

Dude, I'm really glad things are working out, truly.

Reckon you may have a keeper, myself.

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Re: Confession to my girl [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17493013 -

Anonymous #7 said:
Dude, I'm really glad things are working out, truly.

Reckon you may have a keeper, myself.


Thanks man!
It feels fucking great being with someone who is open to seeing things from another perspective. :awesome:

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