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Encounter of the opposite gender kind
    #16809204 -

1) So I'm at the bar and this hideous bitch comes up to me and says "hey" .....I say "hey? That's all you've got??" She was probably a size 14, no teets and a chin you could play chess on. I told her "If you don't get your fishy stench out of my nostril radius I will knock you the FUCK out" Bitch skulked off after that.

2) So I join a dating website because I WANT TO. Anyway, I meet the bitch who is at least two times FATTER than her supposed images. I truck on because I'm pretty drunk at this stage, though the smell of humid, rotting cheese is entering my nostrils. I Get this fat cow back to mine and she's on her fucking period, I lick her out, basically fishing gooey blood out her axe wound. She then shits all over my bed.

3)On a night out with the LADS! Anyway I'm fucking fucked again so I'm stuck with some obese, sweaty whale. She's blubbering on about how she likes arts and feelings or some shit. I tell her straight, either you come to the smoking area and piss your self publicly or I will smack her. She fucking pisses herself right there and then lol.

Anyway pub, tell me some of your stories. I've got a few more.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning] * 1
    #16809228 -

4)This woman comes up to me, introduced by a female friend. Fuck, where do I start... Her eyes almost touch, her nose is fingering my arsehole practically and her eyes say fuck me please. I do the decent thing cram my cock in her stinking hole, I can't say it was wise but boy did I have a fun trip to the hospital after. AIDS. Continuing, I meet this girl again and we get allll kiinds of saucy. I'm buggering her in the ass but then I pull out there's a fucking tapeworm on my cock lol.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning] * 5
    #16809233 -

I hope most of these aren't true :omgz:


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: DivineIntensity] * 3
    #16809238 -

dude... you my sir have fucked some nasty bitches... my advice- quit gettin fucked up in public... your the exact reason why people shouldn't mate with strangers when there fucked up...lol


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: DivineIntensity]
    #16809241 -

sounds like you get out alot friend.:bigjoint:
and yeah. ^^ what he said


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prohibition doesnt work. it sits on its lazy fat ass all day getting people in trouble.

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: steelyNads205] * 2
    #16809248 -

5) I'm with this black girl, you know what they say about black girls... She wants to be fucked like a horse in heat. I'm packing a hefty six inches so I make sure I'm banging her cervix (never reach it, must be around her lungs). Lose my boner half way through because of the stink of sweat and talcum powder which she's obviously doused on her armpits. I try to eat her out but it tastes like a piece of bacon left out in the heat for a few hours: salty, decomposing and wrong. I ask her "Bitch have you ever bathed?" She fucking calls a taxi.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809249 -

No stories pub? I'll continue the BANTS if I must, I know you sick fucks are enjoying it.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning] * 1
    #16809255 -

This is one of the few threads that had made me dry heave w.o any sort of pictures...

:puke:


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: DivineIntensity]
    #16809258 -

i thought the second one was pretty good


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How do you know but ev’ry Bird that cuts the airy way,
Is an immense world of delight, clos’d by your senses five?

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809264 -

samba_lightning said:
5) I'm with this black girl, you know what they say about black girls... She wants to be fucked like a horse in heat. I'm packing a hefty six inches so I make sure I'm banging her cervix (never reach it, must be around her lungs). Lose my boner half way through because of the stink of sweat and talcum powder which she's obviously doused on her armpits. I try to eat her out but it tastes like a piece of bacon left out in the heat for a few hours: salty, decomposing and wrong. I ask her "Bitch have you ever bathed?" She fucking calls a taxi.


lmao:laugh2:


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prohibition doesnt work. it sits on its lazy fat ass all day getting people in trouble.

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: steelyNads205]
    #16809275 -

damn dude bacon is delicious in any form... i woulda kept on keeping on.... u went that far how much worse could a little farther be??


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: op2kal]
    #16809285 -

i went over to my friends house. i go in and i notice some apparantley strategically placed star wars panties. i sit on the bed and growl like chewbacca as i toss them toward her, then we shag like two wookies in heat


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How do you know but ev’ry Bird that cuts the airy way,
Is an immense world of delight, clos’d by your senses five?

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: op2kal]
    #16809288 -

6) Basically fucking the moon, some fat pale bitch with craters ALL over her body. Ginger hair, ginger bush which smells of poo. I try to pretend she's Ygritte from game of thrones but it all gets too much and I puke in my mouth. I'm fucking her cunt from behind with puke in my mouth while her ass pulses in and out like she's about to shit. I have to swallow my sick and do my duty. Afterwards ask her what the fuck are these craters? She starts crying and I laugh my head off.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809295 -

"Hahahaha this did happen to me one time though... I had a girl pick me up and I go with her out to dinner and we go back to her place... we start making out and she climbs up on me so I start rubbin her twat. We go into her room and leave the lights on- I got this big bitch bent over and I look down... at this point im completely naked ready to hop up in that shit... and theres toiletpaper in her asscrack... WTFff it was all flaked out- I told the bitch go take a bath cuz that shit was nasty... grabbed my clothes and ducked out the front buck ass naked got dressed in the bushes and had my cousin pick me up lol" - anon

Greasy as fuck. Should of slammed that toilet paper bitch haha.


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809303 -

lmfao thats what i was thinking


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning] * 2
    #16809568 -

:awewtf::awewtf::awewtf::awewtf::datass:

I can't think of anything similar that happened to me:shrug:

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809574 -

your doing it wrawng samba, your supposed to hit them a few times with a wrench first


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R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: Soulidarity] * 1
    #16809657 -

1)
I was getting hammered on antibacterial soap and OJ in the bathroom at some university building I broke into. Suddenly a landwhale in a lab coat and "fuck me" glasses rumbles in like an avalanche of sweaty bitch meat. Apparently it was the ladies' room, like I care. Her hair is in like black pigtails and as we're getting down I grab her by them and fuck her pasty couch-cushion face. After I pull out my stalwart shishkebab she's all "heehee you're cute" and then she tells me she's doctoring in temporal physics, but she might as well sell her ass at a truck stop for all I care. I rip her sweaty lab coat off and knock until I nut right in her sushi shack.

2)
I was at a bar with my bros when one of my bros is all like "hey bro, you gotta put clown makeup on". I'm drunk as a possum on veterans' day, and thus have no control over my actions. I tell that gay sumbitch to hand over his makeup kit. So after I've got my face done in the restroom (no I don't mean I got a facial from ten USMCs in a bathroom stall, what the fuck is wrong with you. I mean I painted my face with clown makeup) I sit down with my bros again and we start breaking bottles of bourbon over each others heads.
Next thing I know I'm in my bro's crib dogging some tiny-assed whore of 19 or so. She smells like stale popcorn and I almost throw up on her knuckle-looking ass. Then she turns around and takes her blindfold off, and is all "daddy?" and I'm like, fuck girl, that shit is weird, I ain't gonna pretend to be your daddy. But it turns out she's actually my daughter from the future (she hands me her birth certificate which she had hidden between her laughably small tits. It's covered in popcorny boob sweat but it looks legit). She says she's been sent back in time to reconnect with me because I was never there when she was growing up or some shit. I stop listening halfway through because I'm drunk, and just go on humping till I finish and pass out.

3)
This is a couple of years later, I'm walking down the street when I suddenly see a small army of hideous women blocking my way. I say Excuse me, but they won't move, so I try to squeeze past them, but somehow the whole thing turns into an orgy. There's so much fucking and sucking and it's all revolting, really. The girls are all either fat or bony and their faces look like arty-farty paintings (you know the ones I mean). I suddenly recognize the faces; they are messed-up caricatures of my own face mixed with that physics whore from way back. I ask the bitches, are we related? and yeah, it turns out this is a horde of my own inbred offspring that is due to me repeatedly fucking bitches that some bitch that I fucked squeezed out and sent back in time for me not to fuck. So there's like thirty generations of fucked up shit here, and I'm like "whatever" and get up and get a taxi. In the backseat of the cab I realize however that one of the whores has latched onto my Empire State like a sucker fish. I pull her vacuum cleaner mouth from my shillelagh, but my erection has now taken control of my mind so naturally I rawdog that whore right there in the taxi, thinking "meh, what could possibly happen".


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I have pneumonia :pm:


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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: samba_lightning]
    #16809981 -

Write you a book called 50 shades of red and let it be filled with stories such as these.

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Re: Encounter of the opposite gender kind [Re: KremrBigSikter]
    #16809991 -

This is the best post I've read on the boards in a very long time.

Thank you.

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