I've been feeling really good lately (have been depressed for 6 months or so). Not so much tonight.
I write in this journal that I keep when I feel like I have something important to say to myself about myself or the world. Here's tonight's entry:
You're a Pussy
Just like your dad. What the fuck man? Why don't you stick up for yourself? Why do you always avoid confrontations? A fucking 11th grade girl kicked out someone the other day for stealing. You've been a supervisor for 2-1/2 years now, and you've always either had someone take care of it for you, or you didn't really pay attention to the thread. No wonder most girls are totally disinterested in you. Stealing, is wrong, right?
THEN SAY SOMETHING!
God damn you're so pathetic sometimes. Be assertive? What in the Fuck is with letting all the other (non-supervisor) employees making all the decisions? Plan the fucking night, and tell them what to do! Stop worrying so much about making sure everything is exactly fair and that no one gets crossed with you. You'll make more friends being confident and assertive, not some pushover piece of shit. Bulk up, make a presence. You want to be like your fucking father? Sixty years old and still behaving like this. How are you going to find an awesome girl when you're too scared to say "Hey! I'm out here!" Stop wasting you prime sitting in front of a computer and do something with yourself, you unmotivated, skinny, pussy ass piece of shit.
God damn that was harsh, and probably a little too self-loathing, but it's all true.
The note before this one is entitles "On a high note" and basically describes how I'm feeling awesome the day after a really fun party.
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