Home | Community | Message Board
You are not signed in.
Sign In New Account
Forum Index Search Posts Trusted Vendors Highlights Galleries FAQ User List Chat Store Random Growery


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.

Community > The Pub
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: MagicBag.co All-In-One Bags That Don't Suck, Certified Organic All-In-One Grow Bags by Magic Bag   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
To give a Cat a Bath *funny*
    #1346282 -

Taken from Penny Arcade
http://www.penny-arcade.com

I mentioned about a month ago that we got a kitty. Well we brought her back from the vet the other day and discovered that now we had a kitty and some fleas. I don?t know if the vet charged us extra for the fleas as I didn?t scrutinize the bill as well as I probably should have. Perhaps it was just flea day at the vet and we happened to be the thousandth customer. At any rate Kara and I decided that, while we liked the cat the fleas had to go. Kara ran to the store and bought a flea collar, flea comb and some special shampoo. Yeah shampoo, those of you with cats can already see where this story is heading.

I have never tried to give a cat a bath before so I sat down and read the instructions on the shampoo bottle. ?Wet cat? it said, then ?work shampoo into a lustrous lather? and rinse. What the bottle didn?t say is that as soon as your cat gets the first tiny droplet of water on its paw the situation changes dramatically. No longer are you trying to give your cherished pet a bath to rid it of the fleas that are driving it crazy. No, now you are trying to wash an angry, furry chipper shredder that is howling like an air raid siren.

Everyone knows that cats don?t like water. You can ask any five year old, ?what do cats not like?? and they will tell you water. To say that cats do not like water though isn?t really accurate. For instance I do not like peas. However if Kara were to serve me peas I would not grab a kitchen knife and begin slashing wildly at the exposed parts of her body while scrambling for the nearest exit and screaming at the top of my lungs.

We finally got the cat washed and then began the process of combing her with the flea comb. After we could run the comb through her without picking up any of the little bastards we attached the flea collar and called it good. We vacuumed the hell out of the apartment and washed all the sheets and stuff. I still feel crawly things all over me though which is unsettling. I hope it?s all in my head. Does anyone have any tips for making sure your apartment is flea free? I would love to hear them.



--------------------
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

While the Trees Grow out of your Skin, Can i plant you so a forest will grow?
"When you want it, it goes away to Fast. Times you hate it always seem to last" - Marilyn Manson

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Cryptic]
    #1346314 -

I use advantage flea stuff on our cats.

We took them to the vet awhile back and one of them came home covered n fleas.
Next time you take your kitty in to the vet say something about it.
Our vet was very cool about it and they would apply flea control meds to them b4 we picked them up.

I'm not sure if they were giving another dose of advantage or if they were dipped.
Whatever was done really helped out with it.
If you buy flea control from your vet they are prob more likley to help control them while at the vet.

Also timing vet visits to the time of month you apply the flea control will also help.
Maybe apply it a day or 2 b4 there vet visit.

It sure as hell beats giving a cat a bath.
We have a american bobtail there known for loving water for some reason.
This cat will actually jump into the bath tub or in the shower while my wife or I are bathing.
That kinda helps on keeping them off her.


--------------------

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Cryptic]
    #1346746 -

Cat Bathing is a Martial Art :grin:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #1346783 -

I've only given my cat one bath.

He one  :crazy:

I'll have scars forever  :smirk:


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: trendal]
    #1346789 -

I had forgotten how much fun it was to give a cat a bath.
Advantage works wonders by the way.


--------------------
"Behold the mythical esquilax-a horse with the body of a rabbit...and the head of...a rabbit ! "
-Timothy Leary

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: ralph snart111]
    #1346839 -

yeah Advantage is gr8t shit.

I noticed that alot of vets actually charge a vet visit to get you this stuff
Must be a vet scam

you can get it @ http://www.petmeds.com
without a vet visit or on ebay.

I hate to see anyone get taken on some moeny that they could have kept n there pocket.


--------------------

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Chills420 version2]
    #1346974 -

The key to bathing a cat is the "full nelson". If you apply this move correctly to a cat, you will have its upper extremity completely immobilized with minimal discomfort to little "Mr. Peepers". I'm serious about this...it's a two-man operation (one to apply the nelson, one to wash) but it's very effective.

Viking

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Chills420 version2]
    #1346981 -

I would use a couple foggers, those things that shoot out smoke like chemical which kills everything in the house/apt. You'd have to have the cat and any growing plants out of the house/apt. Works great though, you will come back to find dead bugs everywhere. Things you didn't even know you had in the house/apt.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Chills420 version2]
    #1346982 -

I would use a couple foggers, those things that shoot out smoke like chemical which kills everything in the house/apt. You'd have to have the cat and any growing plants out of the house/apt. Works great though, you will come back to find dead bugs everywhere. Things you didn't even know you had in the house/apt.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Cryptic]
    #1347109 -

Have you seen this? This is how to give a dog and cat a pill.


How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon. Give it to dog.


How to Give A Cat a Pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the bluddy cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of
water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: enotake2]
    #5143798 -

:lol:  :thumbup:


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: To give a Cat a Bath *funny* [Re: Cryptic]
    #5143808 -

Putting down Raid with Cykill after vacuuming works best for those pesky carpet fleas. And don't forget to vacuum!  :cool:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: MagicBag.co All-In-One Bags That Don't Suck, Certified Organic All-In-One Grow Bags by Magic Bag   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Community > The Pub
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Cats and water MycoFactory 1,588 15 06/11/03 06:36 PM
by MycoFactory
* My cats getting put down today
( 1 2 all )		 Thin White Duke 2,725 29 01/12/06 09:57 PM
by OneMoreRobot3021
* right now my cat is... YouEnjoyMyself 631 11 04/22/04 01:07 AM
by Merkin
* Longest you went without a shower or bath?
( 1 2 3 all )		 Rahie 3,425 57 08/04/06 07:53 AM
by Krishna
* Can we has a funnies thread? -- Part 7
( 1 2 3 4 ... 266 267 )		 Oscuro_lobo 203,897 5,332 03/23/22 06:51 PM
by Tormato
* Shower baths? Worldbridger 690 11 09/08/05 12:07 PM
by Corporal Kielbasa
* Cats....I love cats.....they are spiritual creatures.....
( 1 2 all )		 MJF 5,286 24 10/23/05 05:19 PM
by barfightlard
* Cat vs Dog... Why?
( 1 2 all )		 Samuel 5,474 31 10/22/05 11:54 AM
by Colonel Kurtz Ph.D

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
3,190 topic views. 3 members, 219 guests and 115 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2026 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.028 seconds spending 0.006 seconds on 16 queries.