Very simply put: I lived the entirety of the my schooling in my head, and only at the ass end of my senior year did I start letting go of everything. I had tried weed a few times prior to it, but I finally was able to take something from it.
For 5 or so months I was happy just because. No anxiety, no pain, no sleepless weeks. It became my life (or a large part of it), but it didn't consume me. Passed everything that was put in front of me, did the extra mile, helped out at home, but I found myself revolving around the weed I could buy and find for anything outside school/home.
Then I tried mushrooms. Fantastic. They realigned my mind to absolve the dire and bleakness. And even removed the emotional tie I had with weed.
However, as of late my girlfriend and I have been having issues, to the point that I don't want to wake up-- I don't want to know what now is the problem. She's accident prone, her friends treat her like shit, and there are a myriad of physical ailments that continue to spring up. Initially I was optimistic, and I could just hold her close and tell her everything was going to be okay, but recently I can't believe it. Neither can she.
She doesn't want to "burden me", and only seems to get upset when I try to do something, anything-- but ending up insisting that worrying is all I can do. She gets angry when I puff my chest out and stick up for her, because every other guy she's been has one way or another made her feel horrible about herself.
I feel like I'm at an impasse, that since she won't let me 'in' I can't do much other than wait. I've tried to do everything that I can, but it just doesn't let up.
If I'm not one to help her through the bad, should I be allowed to enjoy the good?
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