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Anonymous #12
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Monogamous relationships are not for people who value freedom.
That's just retarded. That's like saying respect for another person is a restriction of your personal freedom. You always have the choice to do whatever you want. When you are in a relationship, there are consequences to indulging your impulses to fool around with somebody else. And not just for you. There are consequences to every action. You are free to step in front of a bus if you think it's worth the consequence.
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It's like, this inherent contract where your rights and choices become entitled to another person's..
Like I said, you can act however you like, relationship or not. You can lie and cheat on your girlfriend if you want. A lot of people are doing this thing called 'respect' where they treat people like they would like to be treated.
Obviously monogamous relationships are not for you, at least not yet.
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The selection of people you hang out with become limited, your drug use turns into a problem, your religion offends them, you are required to notify them of your wherabouts the previous night, the list continues. Every issue you have chosen for your life has the potential to turn into an intense session of interrogation. It's completely psycho.
Ah ok.... obviously you are speaking from your own experience here. You have to assert your own rights and privacy in a relationship. If you don`t think it`s reasonable to tell the other person where you were last night, you have to make that clear. If she won`t budge, you`re with the wrong person.
If you think your drug use is reasonable, say so.
To figure out if something is reasonable, ask yourself if you would expect the same treatment. Put yourself in their shoes. From your post it sounds like that never even occurred to you.
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Anonymous #15
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Anonymous said: yeah...no shit
'monogomy' is about two people wanting to be together NOT two people feeling they 'have to be' together
Indeed!
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Anonymous #11
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Anonymous said: That's just retarded. That's like saying respect for another person is a restriction of your personal freedom.
Respect for another person is for people who know what's good for them.
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You always have the choice to do whatever you want.
If somebody gets in my car and points a gun at me and tells me to drive from point A to point B and I do it, this technically also means I had the choice. Although I wouldn't necessarily call that freedom.
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When you are in a relationship, there are consequences to indulging your impulses to fool around with somebody else. And not just for you. There are consequences to every action. You are free to step in front of a bus if you think it's worth the consequence.
I fail to see the correlation. Equating the indulgence of an impulse to cheat, to getting hit by a bus? Worst use of a metaphor ever. I'd compare it more to engorging in an ice cream sundae when you are supposed to be on a strict diet.
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Like I said, you can act however you like, relationship or not. You can lie and cheat on your girlfriend if you want. A lot of people are doing this thing called 'respect' where they treat people like they would like to be treated.
Who says I would care if my boyfriend cheated on me? There are certain occasions I'd actually encourage it, especially if I pissed him off somehow.
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Obviously monogamous relationships are not for you, at least not yet.
Don't even act like you're more evolved than me emotionally. I'm not the one that's dependent on another person here.
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Ah ok.... obviously you are speaking from your own experience here. You have to assert your own rights and privacy in a relationship. If you don`t think it`s reasonable to tell the other person where you were last night, you have to make that clear. If she won`t budge, you`re with the wrong person.
If you think your drug use is reasonable, say so.
To figure out if something is reasonable, ask yourself if you would expect the same treatment. Put yourself in their shoes. From your post it sounds like that never even occurred to you.
For starters, I shouldn't have to enter a new relationship knowing my partner has a huge list of things he intends to change about me. Why am I expected to do such a thing in the first place?
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Anonymous #16
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All this sums up to a degradation of global integrity.
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Anonymous #17
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I have but will not ever do it again.
Didn't get caught once, but it felt like shit on the inside. I'm a nice guy and it sucks 
The only way she could even know now is a few of the people I hang out with..who cared though.
Bottom line : No
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Anonymous #18
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I have cheated plenty, but never more than 2 twice on the same girl, after awhile the guilt trips stopped occuring after the fifth time.
That said, I have cheated, and have been cheated on. The way I looked at it as, the karma wheel coming back around and have had no hard feelings about. Talked to her today as a matter of fact. But hey, thats life!
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Anonymous #17
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I was with that girl for 4 years though.
Never got over it. With alot of women as well 
Just won't do it again myself. Waiting to be cheated on though...
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Anonymous #19
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Don't cheat on your partner.
If the magic is failing and you can't rekindle the fire you should part ways gracefully before stuff likes cheating starts happening that;ll make your eventual parting feel like your heart gets ripped from your chest.
If you loved her.. don't do this to her.
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Anonymous #12
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Anonymous said: I fail to see the correlation. Equating the indulgence of an impulse to cheat, to getting hit by a bus? Worst use of a metaphor ever.
Yeah relationships are more like car-jackings. 
My point was that you have choices. You can make ones that hurt yourself and others or ones that don't. You have the freedom to not be in a relationship if you want.
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I'd compare it more to engorging in an ice cream sundae when you are supposed to be on a strict diet.
^^^^This is the point you are consistently missing. There is another person involved.
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Who says I would care if my boyfriend cheated on me? There are certain occasions I'd actually encourage it, especially if I pissed him off somehow.
That's definitely an unconventional point of view, but I won't judge.
Sorry I thought we were talking about monogamous relationships here. If you don't care if he fools around with other people, and he doesn't care if you do, then it's not monogamous. It's not cheating.
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Obviously monogamous relationships are not for you, at least not yet.
Don't even act like you're more evolved than me emotionally. I'm not the one that's dependent on another person here.
I didn't say I was better than you. If you think there's no reason not to cheat in a monogamous relationship, then monogamous relationships are not for you. Period. Either that or you don't know what monogamous means.
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Ah ok.... obviously you are speaking from your own experience here. You have to assert your own rights and privacy in a relationship. If you don`t think it`s reasonable to tell the other person where you were last night, you have to make that clear. If she won`t budge, you`re with the wrong person.
If you think your drug use is reasonable, say so.
To figure out if something is reasonable, ask yourself if you would expect the same treatment. Put yourself in their shoes. From your post it sounds like that never even occurred to you.
For starters, I shouldn't have to enter a new relationship knowing my partner has a huge list of things he intends to change about me. Why am I expected to do such a thing in the first place?
Who says you have to? Not every relationship is like ones that you have had. If I was with somebody who had a list of 'improvements' to make on me, I'd end it (I have been and I did exactly that.) Like I said, make clear what you are willing and not willing to do for that person.
You don't have to be in any relationship. If you don't like the one you're in, if you can't reason with the other person, why stay in it? Different people have different expectations. You decide if your partner's expectations are reasonable.
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Anonymous #20
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Anonymous said:
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Anonymous said: Being faithful is about respect. Cheating is the ultimate disrespect.
to this poster:
and to then OP:
it has NOTHING to do with cultural conditioning
the fact of the matter is that if you truly care about someone - then you won't cheat (cause deep down - you know just how fucken hurt you'd feel if they did it to you)
and it's not about 'moral obligations' or anything like that
if you want to be with someone - then you want to please them (you want to 'know' that you are everything that they need)
and if they're sleeping around - then obviously you aren't fulfilling all of their needs (and you aren't being the sort of person that you want to be)
it all comes down to feelings of inadequacy / and desire to live up to their standards
moral obligations don't even factor into the equation
i agree that if you truly cared for someone you wouldnt cheat.
but i believe formal relationships and monogamous partners are something learned. i believe that formal relationships are a type of cultural conditioning.
id never cheat on someone i agreed to have a monogamous relationship with, but i cant ever see myself making that relationship last very long.
you will always meet new people. you will always be attracted to others. why deny all attraction? i understand not indulging in EVERY attraction, but i see it unhealthy to avoid them all.
so i am in between.
i wouldn't ever cheat on someone i truly cared for and agreed to stay monogamous with, but i just do not see it as healthy to deny so many other feelings.
if i were to want to sleep with another i would just tell my other partner and if that meant separation and the other feelings were that important to me then i would end it before i cheated.
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Anonymous #21
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I cheated on someone I loved a long time ago. Not just once, either. It was a full on fuck-fest for like 6 months. I had no shame at the time.
Now things are different. Every time I think about that person who loved me while I was cheating on him, I feel terrible about it. I kind of want to track him down and apologize...but I don't want to bring up a past that is certainly better off in the past.
I would never, ever do it again. Ever.
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Anonymous #16
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^ Ha Ha. You're livin' with Guilt.
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