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Fall semester starting...
    #12919349 -

The past 24 months I've been a complete shit-sack.  Doctors started me on 2mg twice daily of ativan while I was attending Kent State earning a B.S. in Cell Bio.  I don't even remember my semester of o-chem, organic evo., and probability/stats.  That semester I took German as well and I don't remember shit from it.  The benzos were a gateway drug that ultimately lead me to opiates and then I became a fucking drug using hermit and my grades plummeted and I quit Kent (for other reasons... I hated the school).

So I'm set for Hiram at the end of August.  It's a really, really great private college.  I'm changing my major to biochem as I became more interested in chem and neuropharm after being an addict myself and just experiencing those subjects in greater detail.  I have 123 credit hours atm, but Hiram requires 60 hours to earn a degree so backtracking to biochem isn't exactly a bad thing.

My concern is my memory.  The benzos have really fucked me up and a great portion of my college education has gaps in it and it frustrates me.  These memory lapses are just barely there and as soon as I see any information on a certain subject... say kinematics from physics... most of it all comes rushing back to me.  I'm 6 months clean of opiates and only taking 2.5mg of valium a day in my taper, and should be off the valium before class starts.  I forget shit that I never used to forget.  Simple things like car keys or a letter to mail, but things I never would have had a problem with before.  I realize now my days of procrastinating and cramming are long gone, and my memory isn't that sharp anymore.  Some say benzo use can cause cognitive decline for months to years so I'm really scared.  I took physics a year ago and aced all the tests but when it came to a comprehensive final I fucked up hard.  My long term memory is still very much affected by these drugs and my sleep also doesn't help.  I wake a lot and still feel withdrawal from the opiates and benzos.

I'm probably going to just have to man the fuck up and study daily, I found what I love and my daughter will be here in less than 2 months so this shit has to work... no more fucking around and thinking about myself and when my next drug shipment will be here.  I'm past that but am left with some scars.

I know those subjects we all find interesting kinda just stick without as much effort as others but what do you chem guys do to make even the most subtle details stick?  I've been working out alot to speed my recovery and reading a lot, mostly about our birthing method and parenting but I picked up my gen chem book to brush up on things and it's been giving me anxiety.  I know if I get anything below a B I'm gonna freak.  :crankey:


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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.


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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: 5HTSynaptrip]
    #12919399 -

If i were in you, i will stop taking benzos, and instead start a nootropic supplementation regime. Centrophenoxine + piracetam is a good combo.It isn't clear to me why you take benzos and valium. If it is for anxiety, take an hour of your day to do relaxation exercices and meditation.
Meditation + nootropics seems a better way to go than benzos, in my opinion american doctors prescrive those thing too easily.


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P.Cubensis grow log - different pf tek tips & tricks compared


- Everything i write and post it's hypothetical, speculative or fictional. -

Edited by Inoxia (07/19/10 12:38 PM)

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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: Inoxia]
    #12919434 -

Taken from wikipedia:

Piracetam is a cyclic derivative of GABA. Piracetam improves the function of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine via muscarinic cholinergic (ACh) receptors which are implicated in memory processes.[14] Furthermore, Piracetam may have an effect on NMDA glutamate receptors, which are involved with learning and memory processes. Piracetam is thought to increase cell membrane permeability.[14][15] Piracetam may exert its global effect on brain neurotransmission via modulation of ion channels (i.e., Na+, K+).[12] It has been found to increase oxygen consumption in the brain, apparently in connection to ATP metabolism, and increases the activity of adenylate kinase in rat brain.[16][17] Piracetam appears to increase the synthesis of cytochrome b5,[18] which is a part of the electron transport mechanism in mitochondria. It also increases the permeability of the mitochondria of some intermediaries of the Krebs cycle.[16]

Meclofenoxate (Lucidril), also known as centrophenoxine, is a drug used to treat the symptoms of senile dementia and Alzheimer's Disease. It is a compound of two biochemicals: dimethylaminoethanol (DMAE) and parachlorophenoxyacetate (pCPA). DMAE is a natural substance, found especially in fish, and also produced in the human brain. pCPA is a synthetic compound that resembles a variety of plant hormones called auxins.
Like DMAE, it is a precursor to the neurotransmitter acetylcholine and may increase levels of this chemical in the CNS. It also increases cellular membrane phospholipids which is considered by some to be an important antiaging effect. It has been clinically shown to improve memory, have a mentally stimulating effect, and improve general cognition.[citation needed]

If you have your gaba system messed by benzos chanches are that piracetam is going to help. However this is my assumption and dont know if it's correct from a chemical standpoint.


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P.Cubensis grow log - different pf tek tips & tricks compared


- Everything i write and post it's hypothetical, speculative or fictional. -

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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: Inoxia]
    #12919817 -

I've taken piracetam in the past and overall am not really looking to put any further drugs into my body, even the more benign racetams.  I'm using valium (which is a benzo so I use them interchangeably) because I was given an Rx of them for over a year and you can't just simply stop taking them as your body becomes chemically dependent. 

So yea, after a couple of years of pretty hardcore drug abuse the last thing I want to do is take other drugs even if people claim they're nootropic as I'm quite happy with how my brain functioned cognitively before drugs and am really just striving to get back to homeostasis at this point.

Thanks for the input though!


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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.


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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: 5HTSynaptrip]
    #12920266 -

Yeah i can see where you come from. In fact im trying to make my grandma stop taking lorazepalm, (and here where i live it's sold even without prescription, crazy in my opinion), because i see clearly that it blur her mind.

Well, i think only thing you can do is to wait, give your brain time to recover and aid the process with meditation to counter the anxiety.

All the best!


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P.Cubensis grow log - different pf tek tips & tricks compared


- Everything i write and post it's hypothetical, speculative or fictional. -

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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: Inoxia]
    #12922925 -

My advice is get off benzos as soon as possible.

If you need help, look into how benzos work and the long term effects of prolonged use. That shit scares the hell out of me enough to never want to touch them.

You'll be better off the sooner you start confronting your anxiety rather than masking it.

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Re: Fall semester starting... [Re: acetylsalicylic]
    #12927123 -

Yea, I'm well past all that.  I have the Veteran's Affairs Medical and that's it while I'm in school... they started me on 2mg of ativan 2x a day when I was first given it and I didn't even know what a benzodiazepine was let alone how terrible they are and the dependence they cause.  For whatever reason the Dr. doesn't tell you that shit when they give you such powerful meds.


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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.


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