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Becoming self-reliant
    #11093787 -

How can I become more self-reliant?  How can I place more faith in myself?

I used to be so confident in my will power, I was determined in whatever I wanted to do, I figured things out for myself and trusted my own self more than anyone else in the world

But after growing up a bit, I have become less independent and self-reliant.  I have become more scared and worrisome, and less sure of myself.

I have read Emerson's 'Self-Reliance' and that had a profound effect on me.  I think I will read it again today.

Any ideas?  Any thoughts? Any suggestions?

Any insightful input would be very appreciated.

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Re: Becoming self-reliant [Re: NastyDHL]
    #11093814 -

I didn't pick my name based on your post.

Awesome. I love it that there are other people in the world who think about this stuff. Thank you!

The problem that I have is get motivated to be better, but then lose the motivation. But inspiration is like bathing, it doesn't last for more than a day and requires constant re-doing.

Write out specific social/emotional/spiritual/financial goals for yourself on a piece of paper. You have to write them otherwise you will stop thinking about them and will just be annoyed at your good intentions that you didn't complete. Read those goals every day. A few of mine now are to speak directly and honestly with people. Intentionally eliminating contradictions in my life. Using self-discipline to control little annoyances throughout the day. Minimizing day-dreaming and focusing on the tasks at hand. Just make sure your goals are for you only and not to please someone else.

Also, a really good thing to strengthen your trust in yourself is self-discipline. By being diligent and sticking to something (like your goals), you will begin to increase the amount that you trust yourself and can rely on your self to get something right. Self-discipline isn't just a right-now thing, but it also applies over the long term. Can you be self-disciplined enough to continue reading your goals every day for a month?


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<I need something profound so my internet friends will think I'm smart>

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Re: Becoming self-reliant [Re: reliantself]
    #11093820 -

PS. Reading Self-reliance is something everyone should read today!

Live without fear, don't worry about getting hurt.


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<I need something profound so my internet friends will think I'm smart>

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Re: Becoming self-reliant [Re: reliantself]
    #11180639 -

ahhh to be great is to be misunderstood... one of my favorite quotes actually..


being self reliant is something I'm working on a lot, though I'm not sure i understand what area you are talking about. can you elaborate? Personally I'm working on being self reliant on my emotions, not letting someone elses actions control the way i feel.


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Re: Becoming self-reliant [Re: spiralingmind]
    #11180892 -

I'm glad this got bumped.

My favorite quotes from the essay:

"To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,--that is genius"

"A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages.  Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his."

"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kerne of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till."

"Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.  Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events.  Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the absolutely trustworthy was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being.  And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcended destiny; and not minors and invalids in a protected corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but guides, redeemers, and benefactors, obeying the Almighty effort, and advancing on Chaos and the Dark."

"The nonchalance of boys who are sure of a dinner, and would disdain as much as lord to do or say aught to conciliate one, is the healthy attitude of human nature.  A boy is in the parlor what the pit is in the playhouse; independent, irresponsible, looking out from his corner on such people and facts as pass by, he tries and sentences them on their merits, in the swift, summary way of boys, as good, bad, interesting, silly, eloquent, troublesome.  He cumbers himself never about consequences, about interests; he gives an independent, genuine verdict.  You must court him: he does not court you.  But the man is, as it were, clapped into jail by his consciousness.  As soon as he has once acted or spoken with eclat, he is a committed person, watched by the sympathy or the hatred of hundreds, whose affections must now enter into his account."

"Who can thus avoid all pledges, and having observed, observe again from the same unaffected, unbiased, unbribable, unaffrighted innocence, must always be formidable.  He would utter opinions on all passing affairs, which being seen to be not private, but necessary, would sink like darts into the ear of men, and put them in fear.

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs."

"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind, absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world."

"Virtues are, in the popular estimate, rather the exception than the rule. There is the man and his virtues. Men do what is called a good action, as some piece of courage or charity, much as they would pay a fine in expiation of daily non-appearance on parade. Their works are done as an apology or extenuation of their living in the world, — as invalids and the insane pay a high board. Their virtues are penances. I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. I ask primary evidence that you are a man, and refuse this appeal from the man to his actions. I know that for myself it makes no difference whether I do or forbear those actions which are reckoned excellent. I cannot consent to pay for a privilege where I have intrinsic right. Few and mean as my gifts may be, I actually am, and do not need for my own assurance or the assurance of my fellows any secondary testimony."


"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

"The magnetism which all original action exerts is explained when we inquire the reason of self-trust.  Who is the Trustee?  What is the aboriginal Self, on which a universal reliance may be grounded?  What is the nature and power of that science-baffling star, without parallax, without calculable elements, which shoots a ray of beauty even into trivial and impure actions, if the least mark of independence appear?  The inquiry leads us to that source, at once the essence of genius, of virtue, and of life, which we call Spontaneity or Instinct.  We denote this primary wisdom as Intuition,whilst all later teachings are tuitions."

"We lie in the lap of immense intelligence, which makes us receivers of its truth and organs of its activity.  When we discern justice, when we discern truth, we do nothing of ourselves, but allow a passage of its beams.  If we ask whence this comes, if we seek to pry into the soul that causes, all philosophy is at fault."

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