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OfflineLoverofEarth
spirit on ajourney

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 206
Loc: the in-between
Last seen: 13 years, 5 days
first poem
    #1033769 - 11/07/02 10:15 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

well, first poem i've written without beiing required too by school. just felt insipired i guess. hope you like:

Surely you're tired of playing their games:
of waiting in line ... waiting in vain.
you've waited for nothings, half-truths and disdain;
forgotten your hearts, turned outward for gain...

Perhaps you have thought, "oh! what can be done?"
the vision is clear, quite seemingly shunned.
it is Eden we seek, the way is the one...
thus for eternity ... we dance in the sun.

loe


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OfflineTeKHeAD009
Stranger
Registered: 04/04/02
Posts: 760
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: first poem [Re: LoverofEarth]
    #1036557 - 11/08/02 04:13 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Its good... just inspired is the best way, thats the only way I get something good.


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OfflineBuzzDoctor
Runs withscissors
Male

Registered: 08/11/99
Posts: 948
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
Re: first poem [Re: LoverofEarth]
    #1037519 - 11/08/02 10:36 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Do you see this as a poem or a song? Cuz I hear music to it. I really like it!

Buzz


--------------------
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? I say it is both.


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OfflineCoolMojo
Imagination iswhat you make ofit
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 10/27/01
Posts: 334
Last seen: 8 months, 25 days
Re: first poem [Re: BuzzDoctor]
    #1037525 - 11/08/02 10:40 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Well there is only one way to find out. Write some music for it and see if it works bro :smile:


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 4,517
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Re: first poem [Re: CoolMojo]
    #1038377 - 11/09/02 06:16 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

Absolutely. Dont hesitate to grace us with another one when the mood finds you.


--------------------


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OfflineLoverofEarth
spirit on ajourney

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 206
Loc: the in-between
Last seen: 13 years, 5 days
Re: first poem [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #1038462 - 11/09/02 08:37 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

thanks. it feels like a song when i read it too. if/when i learn to play an instrument i will turn it into one .


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OfflineConscious_Shadow
ironic
Registered: 08/05/02
Posts: 10
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
Re: first poem [Re: LoverofEarth]
    #1038662 - 11/09/02 12:40 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

When I first looked at it, I didn't think it was that great because of all the rhymes ....because some people tend to work too hard when trying to find rhyming words and then lose the meaning of their poem......but I think you really handled it well. I like it alot....good job.


--------------------
Finally the punk rockers are taking acid.


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OfflineLoverofEarth
spirit on ajourney

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 206
Loc: the in-between
Last seen: 13 years, 5 days
Re: first poem [Re: Conscious_Shadow]
    #1039574 - 11/09/02 10:18 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

well, i wrote another one. thought id share:

fools of the ages
masters of reason
tide us with lies
long out of season

fear rears its head
doubt close behind
anger strikes swift
leaving you blind

but there is one
apart from the many
love clears the way
you have it a plenty

soon you shall see
the thruth through the web
waiting as always
prying open your head



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OfflineGrowingVines
Slowly Changinginto a Tree
Registered: 08/22/02
Posts: 301
Loc: GA
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: first poem [Re: LoverofEarth]
    #1042392 - 11/11/02 03:41 AM (14 years, 11 months ago)

I like your poems, good rhyem scheam.


--------------------
Peace out my brothers, for everyone has a bit of insanity in them


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OfflineTeKHeAD009
Stranger
Registered: 04/04/02
Posts: 760
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: first poem [Re: LoverofEarth]
    #1046726 - 11/12/02 05:13 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

I like the second part:

fear rears its head
doubt close behind
anger strikes swift
leaving you blind

Like blind rage (anger) you really fit the rhymes in smootly.


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OfflineLoverofEarth
spirit on ajourney

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 206
Loc: the in-between
Last seen: 13 years, 5 days
Re: first poem [Re: TeKHeAD009]
    #1047607 - 11/12/02 09:47 PM (14 years, 11 months ago)

thanks, i do aim to please. hah. um, yeah, thats the metaphor i was probably aiming for maybe. good call.


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