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Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough."
    #9977346 -

Reading this is the Lonliness thread:

"They lack something, but they don’t know what it is. And so they seek, and strive, and struggle, yet all the time not knowing what it is they are trying to fill. More belongings, more sex, more status, more power, more recognition, more, more, more. Almost all their efforts stem from this drive for self-completion. But it is all futile – we are throwing our energies down a bottomless pit. That we are trying to fulfil is the very thing that is causing our lack."

I am never content - always trying to better myself. I do not compare myself to others (much.) I seem to hold myself (+ others) to impossibly high standards. I have come to the point where i accept other peoples shortcommings & difference, but i cannot accept these traits in myself. Why is this? What can i do change this line of thinking?

(disclaimer: I may have an excentuated need to feel validation from self improvement because i have wasted the previous 2-3 years of my life being a drug addict.)

These days i would consider myself to be doing very well. I am generally in control over my life + happy with the direction i am going. 

Dispite going to school and working parttime and eating healthy, and generally being as socially responsible as possible in most areas of my life i feel guilt.

Everything - unproductive rest and relaxation time, getting drunk with friends on the weekend, masturbating + junk food - they are all guilty pleasures.

The temporary pleasure of these things does not seem worth the guilt i feel after from partaking.

I just want to be, calm mind and stop over-thinking.

I remember i was in a chronic state of "overthinking" in my mid teens when i first became "self realized" after taking large doses of mushrooms. After a couple years i calmed my nerves with drug addictions and then a long term relationship - i now have neither drugs nor the girl, to distract me now.

I think meditation is probably the answer alot of people will suggest, although i've found it very hard to start a routine in the past.

I am looking forward to hearing anyone who can relate, or offer advice.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9978211 -

It's probably your intuition reminding you that you aren't settled with everything. You just have to exercise self knowledge. If you feel about junk food masturbation, then why not replace these habits with positive reinforcing ones?

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: ChiefGreenLeaf]
    #9978270 -

Easier said than done.

Although i am trying. I really "fell off the wagon" this week.

Tommorow's a fresh start..


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9978317 -

I can relate. It came to a point where i was trying to find a perfect state of mind with psychedelics. I figured the stuff i was getting "Insights" on in my real life, would change my state of mind. It only made it worse, i obsessed on shit OVER AND OVER and was trying to be perfect. Its also a form of OCD and perfectionism. "When being in control, becomes out of control".

You have no reason to feel guilty about some "escapes" every now and then. Getting drunk with your friends once or twice a month is no big deal. From the sounds of it you have earned it, with the Job and school......If i had to work part time with my school i wouldnt be able to last :sad: Thats tough. This changed for me when i realized one important factor,

I was born a human! You are going to fuck up dude. And you cant always be perfect. In time you will grow to learn a balance of how much masturbation one should use, and how often your "energy" will allow you to get drunk.

There's my hippie perspective, take from it what you will :shrug:


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Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: Almond Flour]
    #9978653 -

I appreciate that - especially how you described it as OCD... Im going to have to look into that.

The more i understand these types of things from all perspectives, the easier i can deal with them.

The quote "When being in control, becomes out of control" describes my situation pretty well.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9978726 -

I'm going through much of the same thing myself.

In my case I feel it comes from total disappointment in myself for how I've lived and how I continue to live.  The guilty pleasures suck me in and make me feel terrible as well.  Everything from video games to junk food to sitting at home being a loser instead of socializing.

What I've found it stems from is a lack of control in myself.  I get down on myself because I'm not as focused, motivated, and clear-headed as I would like to be.  That's what's funny about meditation.  As you mentioned, it is very difficult to start a program.  You need a lot of focus and dedication to stick with it, but coincidentally meditation helps a great deal with focus and dedication...  If you could just give yourself enough of a push to get the ball rolling it would become routine eventually.

Change never happens as quickly as we would like, but seeing what is wrong with how you are living is the first step.  Direct your attention to what you would like to change and stay focused on where you want to be, and eventually you will get there.


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I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life

Edited by PowerTrip (03/15/09 11:32 PM)

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PowerTrip]
    #9979053 -

PowerTrip said:
Change never happens as quickly as we would like, but seeing what is wrong with how you are living is the first step.  Direct your attention to what you would like to change and stay focused on where you want to be, and eventually you will get there.


I think this is just it.

I have made huge amounts of change in the last year and in the past 6 months especially. I should stop trying to deny myself simple things and rather offset the behaviors i perceive as negative with positive lifestyle habits. Like you said...

I am going to try and focus less on self improvement, enjoy my guilty pleasures within reason + focus on improving my life in realistic ways, while dwelling on my imperfections less.

(an example of being unrealistic in my life - was trying to run 3-4.5 miles 6 days a week - i just cant do it, i don't have the time or mindset to suffer to do that.

Same with masturbation - i cant sleep if i dont do it.)

This is all stuff ive realized, but over the past week have become too apathetic to deal with.

Once the apathy sets into my life everything goes to shit. All of my positive progress just gets erased... (monday is a new week + fresh start..)

Its a never ending cycle because it seems once im doing really good and totally happy with my self discipline and positive lifestyle - At that point when im totally happy with the way things are i figure "oh, might as well get drunk - ive earned it."

Perhaps the problem is that i reward myself in the wrong ways...

Another big problem is i don't have a support network of people who are into anything that i would consider positive. My only social time is essentially gathering with people who are getting fucked up - either at a house or a concert at a bar + its very hard to stay sober in such situations.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9979378 -

I read in a book somewhere, maybe Power of Now, when you are either being lazy or indulging in a guilty pleasure either accept it fully or change it.  If you're having a day when you want to be lazy and sit in front of the TV all day then go ahead and do that.  Sit, relax, become laziness.  Accept it.  Don't sit there and think "I'm a lazy piece of shit."  If that's how you feel then get up and do what you want to be doing.

I think real control over your life comes from having control of your mind.  Being able to dispel negative thoughts and focus energy where it is needed.


Quote:
PDU said:
Another big problem is i don't have a support network of people who are into anything that i would consider positive. My only social time is essentially gathering with people who are getting fucked up - either at a house or a concert at a bar + its very hard to stay sober in such situations.


I've been into self-improvement lately myself.  Real change in your life sometimes takes sacrifice.  Depending on what you want and who your friends are, you may have to sever some ties.  I don't mean to sound cold but some "friends" do want to hold you back.  Just as an example a very long-time friend of mine is married with children, has a house, his life is where he wants it and he is content.  When I tell him I want to move away, focus on school, go skydiving, live somewhere warm... his only answer is ever "why?"

I've had to cut people out of my life in the past when I was trying to get away from the drug use scene.  They didn't understand and thought I was a selfish asshole, but looking back and seeing where those people are now I don't regret it at all.  You can't live your life for anyone else.  If someone doesn't fit into the way you want to live your life you have to make a decision.

Even further on the topic of friends..  I've also seen it highly recommended that if you are trying to be productive and motivated, then surround yourself with those types of people.  I can see how having people like this in my life would motivate me to do more and live better.  I've also experienced first-hand how having the wrong people can reinforce apathy.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PowerTrip]
    #9979601 -

Powertrip - what you say about *the power of now* is totally true and a conclusion i have somewhat come to on my own. Thanks for re-enforcing my inclination. :smile: *Power of now* is Eckart Tolle right?

I have pretty limited contact already for just those reasons.

the past 2 weeks i have fallen into the trap of wanting to drink and drinking on the weekend and completely wasting my weekend by blowing my motivation and plans by feeling like shit/lack of sleep, etc.

It is extremely hard for me find friends with similar interests in this town anyways...

Im hoping to maybe redefine my social circle through getting more into hiking, and going for group mtn. bike rides once summer comes. Maybe some volunteer work too..

I find i benefit from exposure to anyone under new circumstances, rather than just hanging out in the same situation where i am comfortable but unfulfilled.

Thanks for the insights PowerTrip.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9980302 -

PDU said:
Powertrip - what you say about *the power of now* is totally true and a conclusion i have somewhat come to on my own. Thanks for re-enforcing my inclination. :smile: *Power of now* is Eckart Tolle right?

I have pretty limited contact already for just those reasons.

the past 2 weeks i have fallen into the trap of wanting to drink and drinking on the weekend and completely wasting my weekend by blowing my motivation and plans by feeling like shit/lack of sleep, etc.

It is extremely hard for me find friends with similar interests in this town anyways...

Im hoping to maybe redefine my social circle through getting more into hiking, and going for group mtn. bike rides once summer comes. Maybe some volunteer work too..

I find i benefit from exposure to anyone under new circumstances, rather than just hanging out in the same situation where i am comfortable but unfulfilled.

Thanks for the insights PowerTrip.


If you want me to mail you that book PM me, My treat


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: Almond Flour]
    #9980750 -

Hopefully this helps a bit:

Try not to see self improvement as a burden or something that has a real beginning and an end. Rather than wishing and wishing and looking up towards your goal, accept the fact that you're slowly improving and that you're going to be you the whole way. The end (goal) is going to be the beginning of another anyway. So why be so urgent?

Also try not to be so hard on yourself about the small things, but at the same time learn from them and cultivate the willpower to overcome them. Don't want to drink? Then don't drink. Don't want to eat cheetos? Then don't! It's simple even though it may be difficult.


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Remember to cut your nails regularly.


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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PyroBurns]
    #9980857 -

I think ambition is good thing.  We would not have made the advances that we currently have, if it weren't for ambitious, hardworking people. 

In my experience, once you have reached a number of goals, the "pressure" to keep achieving will diminish because you already have enough "notches on the belt".


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PyroBurns]
    #9983473 -

PyroBurns said:
Also try not to be so hard on yourself about the small things, but at the same time learn from them and cultivate the willpower to overcome them. Don't want to drink? Then don't drink. Don't want to eat cheetos? Then don't! It's simple even though it may be difficult.


Totally.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; [Re: PDU] * 1
    #9983664 -

Here's my theory:

Human beings evolved to be unhappy.

Think about it. We inherited our biology and psychology from primitive people.  They thrived by being dominant and competitive in a hostile environment where there weren't enough resources to go around.

If one of these savage people ever became content with what possessions he had, with his role in the tribe, or with the number of women he fucked, he would be as good as dead.  He would not be able to outlast and out-reproduce his more desperate, more unhappy competitors. 

So guess who we're descended from? The ones who couldn't be happy to save their lives.

We were built not to be satisfied.  Our greatest survival mechanism is this: a persistent voice in our head that says, "This is not good enough.  You need something more.  You need to keep acquiring/hoarding/conquering or you will die."

This voice is still in everyone's head and it makes us fucking crazy.  It got our species to where we are, but now it's mostly just a curse.  War, violence, greed, hatred, all of that stems from our ancient survival mechanism, chronic unhappiness. 

We're stuck with that voice, so we have to be aware of that cry for "more" and learn not to trust it.  It has your survival at heart, but survival is not such an issue any more.  Even the most lazy, ineffective bums can survive nowadays. 

What you have and what you are can be enough, you just need to know how to deal with your wants.  Wants are not needs, but they sure pretend to be, as if life itself depended on your belief that you need everything you want.  It used to.

You can still improve yourself even if you accept yourself, you just need something other than dissatisfaction to motivate you.

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Re: Never satisfied - constant self improvement; "Why is "ok" never enough." [Re: PDU]
    #9984057 -

PDU said:
Im hoping to maybe redefine my social circle through getting more into hiking, and going for group mtn. bike rides once summer comes. Maybe some volunteer work too..




Haha, you live in B.C.  It shouldn't be too hard to find those types of people.

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