This just became a very prudent discussion in my house this past weekend.
My girlfriend and I have dated for 6 year and bought this house together. She's never pushed me for marriage, so I was content to let it go on as it had. We had talked about it on occasion, but it was brief and I usually voiced my distrust of it seeing how most people I know that have been married were divorced. But we had to go to a stupid couples baby shower on Saturday and she had to hear a bunch of people asking her why we aren't married yet.
Well, we went out and got really drunk then came home when this all blew up. She wanted answers and said that she does want to be married. So I was truthful. For future reference truth is a bad idea. Well, at least one of my truths was.
I explained that I had 2 main reservations about being married. The first was finance. I'm not making near the money that I used to and even paying bills has become a struggle. I couldn't buy a ring right now for anything. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't important if you really love someone (and she said as much), but I have always equated being a husband and financial independence. I want to have kids and that isn't an option without disposable income. I can see how it may be a bit of an excuse, but it's been a consistent thought in my head since long before I met her.
The second is what got me into trouble. Since we first started dating, I've always told her that one of my biggest fantasies was to be with 2 chicks at the same time, al a the menage a tois. She has expressed that she likes other girls and would like to do it if it "came up." I guess that's the kicker. She loves going to topless bars and making out with chicks, but it's never gone further than that. Several opportunities arose from those outings, but she was reluctant (and I understood this) because they were strippers. This fantasy also makes up for a huge amount of her dirty talk when we we're having sex as she describes what the situation would be like. The main point of contention was what my limits would be with the other chick. Honestly, I was fine with that too, the main turn on for me would be seeing her with the other girl.
I've never tried to force the question or situation, always taking a stance that yes it would be great but I won't push you. Well, I've started to realize that maybe she just enjoys the fantasy part and is afraid to act on it. I think she's just scared of what it might do to the dynamic of our relationship. I think it's a valid concern, but I want this bad enough that I'm willing to risk it.
I explained that my fear is that I would never get to experience that once married, because I am a committed person and would never cheat on her (even more so once married). Well she blew up and wanted to leave right then. I was confused as to why she was so mad about this. She just kept saying she didn't know how important that was to me and that we should break up and so forth.
We finally resolved to finish discussing it the next day and then make a decision. That next day we talked about it came out that she understood me to be giving her the ultimatum that she either do it or I wouldn't marry her, which was never my intention. I just explained that I was worried I'd be missing out on something I had wanted for so long and that it was simply a concern that I had to deal with but not necessarily a deal-breaker. In fact I explained that the prior evening but she didn't hear it.
Things are still somewhat tense, and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. I actually wouldn't mind being a swinger, and she has even acted interested in before, but then turns around and says she'd never do it. I just feel like I want to sleep with more girls. On the other hand, she's perfect in every other respect and I couldn't imagine a better wife or mother for my children than her.
It seems silly to even debate it with myself, and I know I should just dismiss the notion of wild group sex but I don't want to let it go.
Tell me if I'm wrong for thinking this...
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