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Cancer....In the close family
    #7012955 -

I really just need to release some of these thoughts and emotions i have about my grandmother's illness...

So my grandmother has been diagnosed with colin cancer that has spread to her liver and her lungs. She tried treatment, even though the cancer count is way above high. The treatment only made her extremely sick and put her back in the hospitle. So she decided not to spend her last days in misery. The doctors gave her three months. She has lived longer than that though.

I have been staying here with her, along with my mother and my aunt. My mom and my aunt tend to what she needs, I dont knwo what to do. i almost hate being here. It's awful to literally watch someone u love dwidle away. At the begining she of course still looked like herself. Since then she has lost an extreme amount of weight and is extremely weak. She gets sick after almost evrything she eats.

The docs have her on Morphine sulfate, along with other pain medicines. My grandmother never did anything more than tylenol. When I look at her she almost looks like the shell of the person she once was. She doesnt say much anymore. She doesnt smile, she's druged out of her mind, and in all honestly looks like a opiate addict even though she isnt. It kills me to see her like this. It's not even her anymore...it's like shes almost oblivious to whats going on around her. And it hurts like hell, especially when u know there's nothing u can do to make her comfortable or feel better. And u know it's not something that will just go away and then everything will be ok. this will be with her til she leaves us. And shes such a good woman she doesnt deserve to be in so much pain and agony before she goes...

Thank you for reading this, I really just needed to let some of my emotions out and im not very good at doing that verbally with the ppl around me. So thank you for listening


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"How do we know whether the life of any creature has fulfilled its destiny? I have known the very old to die in bitterness and despair. I have seen young children die before their time but leave behind such a legacy of love and joy that grief for their passing was tempered by the knowledge that their brief lives had given much to others."
"You have answered your own question,Tanis Half-Elven, far better than I could," the Forestmaster said gravely. "Say that that our lives are measured not by gain but by giving." -Dragonlance "Dragons of Autumn Twilight"

If we lived in luxury we would grow soft.

No human being truely knows their full capacity to love until they become a parent.

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: fantasylndvictm]
    #7013036 -

Sorry to hear about your g-ma. There's not too much else you can do other than what you're doing now, being there for her and your family. :thumbup:


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m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
    #7013043 -

thanks


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"How do we know whether the life of any creature has fulfilled its destiny? I have known the very old to die in bitterness and despair. I have seen young children die before their time but leave behind such a legacy of love and joy that grief for their passing was tempered by the knowledge that their brief lives had given much to others."
"You have answered your own question,Tanis Half-Elven, far better than I could," the Forestmaster said gravely. "Say that that our lives are measured not by gain but by giving." -Dragonlance "Dragons of Autumn Twilight"

If we lived in luxury we would grow soft.

No human being truely knows their full capacity to love until they become a parent.

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: fantasylndvictm]
    #7013127 -

Firstly I'll give you a BIG hug...'O'...
Next, I'll advise you to find support. Someone you can go to/call who's been through this.

Know that the soul of your grandma, the inner person she is/was still exists. She loves you still. She may want a few lucid moments off the pain killers to say good-bye, ask your Mum to see if that's possible, unless you already did. Hold her hand and say good-bye anyway.

Know that it will be some level of shock when she passes on regardless of how much preparation you've had. Part of us never believes our (grand)parents will ever die.

If you believe in a higher power, connect and request the strength/tools to deal with this.

Know that you are officially an adult now regardless of your age...death is part of the process of living. You'll appreciate that you have no (or little) pain in comparison and that you have your life ahead of you to use to the best of your ability. Live as she would want you to...not the style, that's yours, but by going on without her physical presence.

Don't deal with the messiest stuff unless no one else can if you feel it's too much for you. Know that you're mature and brave if you do or don't.

If you believe in a world beyond this one take comfort in knowing that when the soul is free of the body, it feels no pain. Pain, some believe, is not w/o purpose and is a cleansing process, some feel, that it rids the soul of spiritual "matter" that could block the soul from reconnecting with it's source after death.

May you have tons of strength for yourself and your family at this time...be brave, don't hold back the tears and distract yourself for part of the day w/o guilt. You need an outlet.

XXXOOO MIC

Edited by MyInnerChild (06/05/07 09:27 PM)

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: MyInnerChild]
    #7013145 -

Yea thats just the thing im not good at the outlet thing, Im more of a cry alone type of person, I dont really have a particular reason but I dont all I can to avoid ppl from seeing me cry, I guess its just the way I am. I am doing all of which u say. It's just hard to look at her and it doesnt really even seem like its her ya know


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"How do we know whether the life of any creature has fulfilled its destiny? I have known the very old to die in bitterness and despair. I have seen young children die before their time but leave behind such a legacy of love and joy that grief for their passing was tempered by the knowledge that their brief lives had given much to others."
"You have answered your own question,Tanis Half-Elven, far better than I could," the Forestmaster said gravely. "Say that that our lives are measured not by gain but by giving." -Dragonlance "Dragons of Autumn Twilight"

If we lived in luxury we would grow soft.

No human being truely knows their full capacity to love until they become a parent.

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: fantasylndvictm]
    #7015460 -

Spend time with her. My grandma just passed and it sucked.

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7015525 -

Wow I'm sorry to hear that, it must be torture to sit there and watch her slowly die.

My condolences.

:hug:

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Re: Cancer....In the close family [Re: fantasylndvictm]
    #7015591 -

Ahh, this really sucks man. I recognize this story extremely well; my mom died back in '87 (breast cancer) and the mother of my closest friend died last month (skin cancer).

All I can say is that you will live through it; this might be your darkest hour, but there certainly IS light at the end of the tunnel. All you can do now is spend as much time with your grandma as you can (or are able to). Also talk with your relatives about it (about everything, really) if you're up to it. Don't worry if can't seem to communicate right now, there is a time for everything. Find someone you can talk to and don't feel guilty if (s)he is not one of your closest relatives or friends.

And don't be angry with all those people who don't seem to understand or don't seem to care at all (being angry is probably the last thing on your mind now anyway). They've probably never been through this. You'd almost feel happy for them.

I wish you much strength, my friend. You'll get through.

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