I had an interesting experience with the law about a year ago. This will be a long one...
2 of my friends and I decided to drop acid out in a rural district of my hometown where my friend lived. Things started smoothly; played some video games, shot some pool, loaded up on supplies for an outdoor adventure. Now, loading up on supplies under LSD is a pretty tall task. You have to battle the confusion, the giddiness, and not to mention the excitement of getting outdoors, but we had managed to get everything done except get a decent pair of headphones so we could all enjoy some music. Luckily, I had a pair of the finest in my car and all it would take is a quick walk to my car, grab the headphones, and we'd be on out way.
However, I had parked my car off to the side of the street in front of a neighbours house. For some unholy reason, my car attracted the attention of 2 nosy neighbours across the street from it. An aside for a moment: here's 3 boys, one mulatto shorty with an enormous afro, one longish hair blondy, and, yours truly, one tye-dyed, long haired, haven't shaved in a month bumbo all gallivanting towards my car. The neighbours ask if we had some sort of trouble with the car and we reply with a discordance of yes and nos. The neighbours recede back into their house and we get the idea we should move the car because it must be bothering the neighbours.
Now, I distinctly remember thinking "It's probably not a good idea to drive" but I trust my friend who insists we'll just drive it back to his place (a few blocks away). At this point, we're driving along thinking everythings peachy when I glance back in my rear view mirror to see a truck following us. Confusion sets in and I start to evasive maneuver into driveways wondering if this truck is going to just go by. Seconds feel like minutes as my eyes are locked onto my rear view and nothing goes by. Did he go by and I missed him? Should we get out? No, we're in someone else's driveway, we gotta get out of here. I back out of the driveway and lo and behold the truck is idling 10 feet back. We all start wondering what the hell this guy wants.
I park the car and each of us decides to talk to the driver 1 by 1. It turns out it's the nosy, now discovered to be redneck, neighbours (husband and wife tag-team). I get up there, just in a complete panic attack and the wife is saying something about phoning the police while the husband is asking why we lied about the car being broken down and telling me he's an ex-RCMP officer. I head back to my car and the 3 of decided that we've lost the battle, but we'll be damned if we lose the war.
We pile out of the car and head for the treeline. Walking with a sense of urgency, the idea that we might go to prison! We walk about a kilometer into the brush, insects swirling all around us, and we start devising a battle plan. "We'll swing back to the house and lay low for a few hours until we're not high." "We've given them the car, not much we can do now but lay low and come up with an excuse." We're in the middle of our drug/fear induced tactics discussion when we hear "FREEZE!" resonate over the hill. A K-9 unit comes up and he warns us that if we run, he'll let the dog loose. The war was over.
He arrests the 3 of us, yours truly is spared the cuffs because the officer only has 2 sets, under suspicion of grand theft auto. I immediately tell him it's my car and he seems to believe me and proceeds to gently cuff my friends. So we're walking back through brush and the blonde in our merry troupe quips, as he's struggling with a log, "This is hard without your hands". If I hadn't been in animal mode, it would have been the funniest thing I'd ever heard. We arrive at the outer perimeter of squad cars whereby an officer comes up and slaps the cuffs on me and with a sadistic remark of "Well, for bringing us all the way out into the woods I guess I'll have to put these on tight". Needless to say, when I finally got out of them my wrists were purple.
Next, we're sequestered into 3 different cars in the inner circle of police cars. This brings the total up to about 4-5 two man cop teams out in the boonies to arrest some high kids getting headphones. I'm sitting in the cop car looking at all the equipment thinking I'm going to have to phone my parents and let them know I've been arrested and to get me a lawyer. The interior is hot and sticky because of the leather seats, my hands are aching because I'm still cuffed and I'm starting to hyperventilate because of all the stress. An officer comes up, at this point I've been cleared of grand theft auto, and asks "What the fuck were you kids up to?". Well, I decide to tell him we took some acid and freaked out a bit. He gives me a lecture about acid staying in fat cells and having flashbacks. Yak, yak, yak. In retrospect, this is what I'm probably angriest at. Since the incident, I researched HPPD and found it's caused by stress...Maybe the stress I'll get from him telling me I'm going to have flashbacks the rest of my life?!
Anyways, I quickly get de-handcuffed and released from the car. Ahhh, a sweeter taste I could hardly imagine. I notice the mulatto afro, who had the initial idea of just driving my car a few blocks, safely out of the car too. But to my dismay, I see blondy still sitting in the back of the patrol car and one of the officers radioing dispatch that they might have "Some trouble at West Lake", indicating they weren't through with my friend. Well, with our sense of security established, we were on the march to liberate our captivated brother. It didn't take much more than seeing us outside the car for blondy to realize to just tell the officers what we had done and soon after, he was released. Happy happy joy joy.
I got tagged with a 24 driving prohibition but freedom has a strange way of drugging the psyche, and I didn't even care. I was satisfied with not being in prison, peaking on acid. Now, through all the commotion we had all lost our sense of direction when the mulatto wonder proclaimed "Hey, there's my house." I kid you not, about a 3 minute walk north bound and we arrive at the bottom on his rather long driveway. At the top we see the mother of the wonder, and mulatto hurries on up to greet her. Luckily, she didn't realize it was us who were arrested and the mulatto brought us some orgasmic blueberry jelly filled pastries his mother had made. At that point, I knew we had won the war because to the victor, go the spoils.
Of course, this work is entirely fictional and luckily, one can't be charged for drugs already in the system.
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