trip report: I ate my 9 seeds starting at 3:30PM going till about 4PM. They tasted very green. I proceeded to eat a couple slices of bread too, since i eaten very little the whole day. Then a friend called, who I had told about my trip planning, and we went and smoked a little...
I started to feel this intense feeling of "gravity" (to which, friend make a mocking comment along the lines of "whoa, you can feel gravity?!"). I kept on feeling like a pile of spaghetti noodles; friend commented that it was just a body high. He wanted to go play guitar hero, so we went to my room; However, after arriving, I felt an overwhelming need to lie down. Unfortunately for my friend, the Playstation2 was in another person's room who wasn't in at that time... so he proceeded to play Halo.
Since I felt that something was happening, I closed my eyes and tried to get somewhere. When I did, my breathing and heartbeat became very apparent. And when i took a deep breath, I could feel this energy inside my body wanting to get out (sorta dreaming that my stomach was distending like a balloon). So I tried taking an even deeper breath, but I could never hold it long enough for this energy to be released. I didn't want to hurt myself doing something stupid (like self-asphyxiation) so i tried to hold the breath in for as long as possible.. no go... my friend left, for some prior obligation, though he did ask me if I was doing alright.
this got me in a bad place, I started thinking in loops. everything that I thought related to something else, sometimes these things would be huge realizations, which would make me thing about McKenna's saying about needed to catch the medium sized fish from a trip, which would make me think about something else, and something else, and something else... ad nauseam.
The one thing I remember from these loops is that I thought that I needed to get my life on track, stop doing drugs, and find Jesus. (I actually had this realization 3 times, the first of which was finding Jesus, the second was just a amorphous "God", the third was that i should find nirvana, like Buddha). This was also tied into thoughts that I was going crazy, and that my parents would have to take care of me, find out what I have been doing, and my life would fall apart.
I think at about this time, I got up, went to my desk and wrote, "I could not let go of my ego!" on a small piece of paper.
So after some unknown amount of time (I couldn't really see any clocks) I decided to call another friend. He was outside somewhere, and came over after a little while. I told him that I might be better if had some food, and recommended ramen-noodles. While he went off to make those, I turned on the TV, and found Home Improvement. It was just what I needed. It got my mind off of all these thoughts that had been running through my head and directed all my thought into thinking about what was going to happen next.
I decided to draw something as well. so I started drawing the first thing in my line of vision. an Xbox Controller. But part way through, I realized that I was going to have to draw the buttons of it, (which just a few days prior, this really straight laced kid was doing homework in my room and picked up the controller and started feeling the buttons and commenting on how shiny they were). This made me laugh alot (which was also good for me). However, I also felt the need to explain why I had drawn a portion of an xbox controller and then written "The Buttons!!!" on top of it. My explanation read:
"I started to think that I should draw something, so that I could get my mind out of these loops I've been having in my thought patterns And I started drawing something (but I prove my point ) so I started drawing the xbox controller & I thought of [straight laced friend's] rant ("love confession") for the buttons"
my food was done now... and i started getting ready to eat it... I am going to skip this part of the story cause it was boring...
the friends that were around me decided that they better go finish off the alcohol that they had left over, so they left at about 10PM, saying that they would be back soon.
at 12PM... I started feeling nauseated... (I had been for a few hours after eating the Ramen, but it wasn't overwhelming). I got up, went to the bathroom (in doing so making myself more nauseated), and puked a few times... I had also started pouring sweat. I decided to call my friends again. they weren't too intoxicated/inebriated and helped me get some gatorade so I wouldn't get dehydrated.
I felt alot better, my thoughts weren't running everywhere, and the rug that i was sitting on seemed to be sliding across the tiled floor.
After a while my friends decided that they should go outside. I wanted to go, but my legs were not feeling stable enough.
I watched some more TV, and fell asleep still feeling a little groggy.
This morning, my body is feeling pretty tired. though I'm glad that it is all over with.
-------------------- "Load universe into cannon. Aim at brain. Fire."
-Alan Watts
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