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self honesty/confessions
    #4841621 -

self honesty, in my oppinion, is absolutely crucial to spiritual progress.

so, here comes some honesty:

-i am better at thinking and talking than i am at changing my behaviour to meet those thoughts. aka, im better at talking the talk than walking the walk. this is bad.

-i seriously retard my spiritual progress with drug use... aka. weed. getting high prevents self awareness and awareness in action.i love weed and i think it played a very beneficial role in my life... but i feel its time of use has ended and i am still clinging to it, to my own disadvantage.

-i am squandering my potential. I justify this to myself by comparing myself with my peers, compared to most of whom i am a genius saint... but compared to what i know i could and should be i am an insult...

-i am allowing myself to become weighed down by the ever increasing demands of materialism. The more money i make, the more i become accostomed to spending. My happiness remains the same, or even decreases, but my (apparent) need for money increases all the time.

long answer short: i have the potential to be brilliant, dynamic, awake, aware, active and a tool for powerfull change on all levels. but i am mostly just complacent in my comfort.

long answer shorter: i know what i should do but i dont do it.

and all this is further complicated by a seeming contradiction: all the spiritual texts and ideas i believe in say: stop striving. stop becoming. start being. stop the mad process of acting and changing and just be. But i feel that i SHOULD change... i only have one life and what i do with it is up to me...

further more, maybe i worry way to much about my progress for this stage of my life. im only a teenager (and yes im legal, and legal here  :mad2:) so maybe im taking things to seriously.

But then i worry... isnt change only going to get harder as i age? saying hey im young so its ok to live this way seems like a dangerous trap to fall into.


its almost like ive fallen into a catch 22. Because i have experienced much much higher states of conciousness, have experienced the potential of my own conciousness... i can no longer be fully content with the pleasures of lower levels... and yet so far i havent demonstrated the strength to maintain and strive for those higher states at the expense of these lower pleasures.

So this is my confession: in case my posts paint me to be greater than i am. i am strength indulging in weakness, wisdom indulging in folly, and potential indulging in stagnation.

I admit this to myself and to all of you.

OM.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.

Edited by Moonshoe (10/23/05 02:16 PM)

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Re: self honesty/confessions [Re: Moonshoe]
    #4843184 -

I'm sort of in the same boat as ya. In a point of my life where I've recognized.. that if I want to be happy and successful in life, I need to change now. I need to concentrate and focus 100% on my passion. Put forth all my energy into it.

You've taken the first "step" I suppose. You've recognized and understood that you need to become better. That you can become better.

You feel like you're failing somehow. Like you're going backwards almost.

You probably have a heavy cloud weighing on you. You feel like there's a burden. You're sad, depressed, frustrated with yourself.

Now read this over carefully:

From this point on, it's all your fault. You, and only you, are responsible for everything that happens in your life. I think you're hovering in a point where you're waiting for something to take your hand and walk you through life. It doesn't work that way. There is no hand, there never was, and there never will be.

When it comes to your effort, always remember this:

You get nothing from nothing. The amount of effort you put into something has a direct correlation to amount your recieve back. To put it bluntly, you get what you give.

You're doing half the things right. You're seeing what you don't like about yourself and your life. Maybe you have a goal in life, a passion, and dream. You have to sit up straight and aim directly at that goal and don't stop running.

But you can't do this shit willy nilly. You gotta plan. Every time you feel sad, figure out what makes you sad. It's incredibly easy to do. Once you realize it, you always know the answer to correct it.

Then, referring back to the beginning of the bold text. People know what to do, but they don't do it.

For once (and for the rest of your life). Do it.

You won't regret. Hell, you already know you won't regret it.

Start living YOUR life :laugh:



(Hmm, sorry if its long and rant'ish. It's just that I was where you once were. It's easier than you think to take control and aim high.

Oh yeah, and fuck everyone that purposely gets in your way.

Oh yeah x2, about the weed. Fucking weed, so good yet.. it holds you back. Hey, what better time to start than by focusing on weed. Make a decision about it.

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Re: self honesty/confessions [Re: Moonshoe]
    #4843509 -

Comfort is good, striving is good, living is good. It's all good.



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.

Edited by LunarEclipse (11/05/05 06:28 PM)

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Re: self honesty/confessions [Re: Moonshoe]
    #4843556 -

wow great insite on self

now focus on focusing


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.

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Re: self honesty/confessions [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #4843730 -

I am having similar problems, and I think you are on the right track.
That is a great post adamj.

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General Interest > Spirituality & Mysticism
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