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ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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i have always believed that i would die early
#4374372 - 07/06/05 12:33 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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its true, as a kid i had a re-ocourring dream that i was being hung at a gallows while i was a young revolutionary..... and that i was allowing myself to be hung so that those that were following me, could be saved.....
i never understood it, but it felt as if i was a martyr to my cause in the dream.
im 21 now still pretty young and im not sure how long i will actually live, not that anyone is... but this dream from my child hood still haunts me, to the point that for some reason i seem to believe that i will die early/.
in some ways this is a gift... i have done so many things in life because i was not bound by planning for my future.... i have gone to mexico twice this year, have been to canada 2 times in the past year... camped in hurricane francis, driven cross country with stranger to california for new years eve (dlagwagon), i have seen the aurora borealis twice and have loved it all.
for the most part i have been self or un-employed for the past 2 years... and havea built up abour 6k in debt in the past 10 so months... living as i please and traveling cross the countries. then my aunt who told me that i should alsays travel while i can, died... i miss her, but she enabled me to keep traveling by leaving me a decently sized chunk of money... which i will get in the near to distant future...
the thing about my aunt is that she is... was the only one in my family that i ever felt a real connection to, as if we were looking through the same looking glass towards life.
what if this all worked out so that i could travel untill i met my tragic un-timely end....?
i dont really know... maybee my while belief that i am goingn to die young is a self fufilling prophecy? perhaps through my belief i am dooming myself.... i dont really know. but i wanted to share this with you all and see what you thought, or if you had any opinions on the matter,
please on smart ass remarks post whore somewhere else
-------------------- PEACE zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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Noetical
Flip Horrorshow
Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 9,230
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374383 - 07/06/05 12:36 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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money is no good if you aint spending it and life aint no good if you aint living it.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374384 - 07/06/05 12:37 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I've always thought I was going to die before I turned 21. I'm now 20.
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Signo
manamana
Registered: 03/05/02
Posts: 1,949
Loc: Purple Haze
Last seen: 17 years, 23 days
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374390 - 07/06/05 12:38 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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You will go when it is your time. When you go you won't have any fear anymore. Keep living life and traveling and learning. I fear dieing a regretful old man who never experienced as much as possible in my life much more than dieing young. I should also mention that I don't believe it uncommon to think one will die young. All the more reason to go out there and pass doing something amazing.
-------------------- Correlation is not causation!
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ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#4374393 - 07/06/05 12:38 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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im not afraid of the dream, it came witha odd calmness that i have only once expierenced while in the hospital when i was 9 or 10.... i thought i was going to die that day.... come to think of it i may have been on a lot of pain medication and been doped out of my mind that time....
but i am very afreaid of death.
-------------------- PEACE zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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Skunk420
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 18,524
Loc: inside
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374399 - 07/06/05 12:40 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I thought I was already dead..and the forums are the next step forward... ..jk...I never did, I want to live to be an old geezer with tons of weed and shroooms..for his grandkids..that wanted it..and family as well...
Edited by skunk78395 (07/06/05 12:41 AM)
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ilikebigbuds21
American Youth<3
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 776
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374404 - 07/06/05 12:42 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
zippoz said: i dont really know... maybee my while belief that i am goingn to die young is a self fufilling prophecy? perhaps through my belief i am dooming myself.... i dont really know.
It seems to me that your belief has caused you to do quite the opposite... I mean at least you're living your life to your full potential and traveling as much as possible...look how many people save money their whole lives just so they could do the things you do when they are 60 and retired. I think it's awesome that you had that connection with your aunt, it's rare to know someone sees the world the same as you do. Sorry about losing her.
As for your belief on dying early: don't live every day as it's your last, as you can't completely ignore the future. But you should just keep doing as you're doing now, it sounds like you're having a hell of a good time, especially in the last year or so.
-------------------- I don't think I just drink Cowgold said: Blacks don't eat mushrooms. You can't be black. It's impossible.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374417 - 07/06/05 12:46 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I used to be really scared of death, then I had ego loss and I felt and saw some things that changed my perspective of it. Now I'm not worried about it, it's a part of life and we have to accept it.
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Skunk420
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 18,524
Loc: inside
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374426 - 07/06/05 12:48 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Iam gonna die with a beer buzz at the least...just like right now...
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides
Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: ZippoZ]
#4374434 - 07/06/05 12:51 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Well, anyone of us could pop off at any time, young, old or in-between. It's great to hear you're enjoying yourself though, and that's what's important IMHO. But as far as your general mortality, do people in your family die fairly young, or did they generally live to a ripe old age? You'll probably follow their pattern....
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: Skunk420]
#4374435 - 07/06/05 12:51 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm going to die by taking 10 grams of mushrooms and smoking a gram of DMT right before jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.
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Skunk420
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 18,524
Loc: inside
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#4374441 - 07/06/05 12:53 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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There is a trippy aspect of it..I have not been there before..I am sure when I am dying with tons of shit hooked up to my veins..
Edited by skunk78395 (07/06/05 12:53 AM)
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DeathCompany
Oneironaut
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 12,662
Loc: Somewhere in my head
Last seen: 1 year, 3 days
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: Skunk420]
#4374449 - 07/06/05 12:55 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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i would recomend reading the tibetan book of the dead. while it can bea good trip toy it also teaches you to be prepared for death adn have no regrets. Basically you mediate on a drugs shrooms being one while someone reads you these versus from the book and you halluciante and see all sorts of things like idles and gods and such. it says learning the art of dying is as important as learning the art of living
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Skunk420
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 18,524
Loc: inside
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: DeathCompany]
#4374454 - 07/06/05 12:57 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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nah I will trip on shrooms, before I die, I want to experience death when it happens normally..and naturally..
Edited by skunk78395 (07/06/05 12:58 AM)
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: DeathCompany]
#4374481 - 07/06/05 01:05 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Are you talking about the real one, or the one by leary?
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DeathCompany
Oneironaut
Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 12,662
Loc: Somewhere in my head
Last seen: 1 year, 3 days
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#4374510 - 07/06/05 01:13 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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the one by leary cause thats all i got
but what skunk said reminds me of what i heard in this movie on the history of lsd. this guy somehow related to the advent of acid asked hif wife to fill u and full syring of lsd and inject him as he lay on his death bed. He then asked her toa dd another full syringe which she did. I dont know about you but thats a cool way to die
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fearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: DeathCompany]
#4374560 - 07/06/05 01:25 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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i don't see myself living past 27 or so. but who knows.
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mrsautoman
Don't DriveAngry
Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 166
Loc: Dirty South
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
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Re: i have always believed that i would die early [Re: fearfect]
#4374761 - 07/06/05 03:25 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have a terrible feeling I'm gonna live forever. Like in that one episode of the x-files where that dude could see how you were going to die. He told Mulder he was gonna die of auto-erotic asphyxiation and when Scully asked how she was gonna die he said--
"You Don't."
I'm just gonna keep working 40 hours a week and paying most of my bills and coming home and drinking beer and smoking a bowl over and over into infinity.
OR until the next Ice Age, which can't come soon enough.
-------------------- ~I was born of a voice untimely, the so-called echo of a man's ordure~
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