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 Villharmonic Stranger Registered: 07/17/26 Posts: 1 Last seen: 1 month, 8 days |
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An Exhalation Of Smoke
I Smoke looks different pouring out of lungs… Thinner…somehow. Used up, frantic. As if desperate to escape the ruined bellows of my lungs; the scene of its terrible crime. So unlike its birth, trailing up from the cherry end of a cigarette. Lazy, calm, and robust. A proud and noble ribbon of the purest fluid slate, rising unhindered to the sable canopy of the endless. I watched as the panicked cloud sprinted out of my mouth, its runners tumbling, and rolling and slowing. Now they had put sufficient distance between themselves and their temporary prison. Now they could rest… And that was when the smoke died. Torn apart carelessly by invisible whispers as the world breathed. This is the way the world ends… Fed with air and tumbled gently until what it was had been separated beyond recognition and function. This is the way the world ends… How long had I been standing here? Hours? Days? Years? I looked at my cigarette. It had only just been lit. That’s right… that’s right... I took a drag and… and got lost between the inhale and the exhale. Seconds then. Good. That’s good. Seconds is good. Clearly the caps and stems I ate half an hour ago had begun to take hold. But… what came next? What’s the score here? The darkness spun out around me. Silence covered the neighborhood like a threat. Was the world holding its breath? Or did I just get lost between them again? The bright, neon green leaves of the tree overhanging my weather beaten and splintered, second story deck, rustled like voices beckoning me with empty promises; glowing with their own vitality. The wind moved, trailing shadows like tattered grave clothes. It teased the leaves, making them shimmer and titter. I wanted to know what secret it was they just shared. So I listened. And to what great mysteries did I bend my ear? All the secrets of the universe being discussed in full. Clearly laid out explanations for the reason behind all things, and the purpose of every atom. How things all began, and how they would all inevitably end. They mapped out the face of God like a painting across my disembodied mind. But each word and image left my mind as soon as it entered. I forgot my pen… I don’t know how long I listened to the wind and leaves whispering together. But, when I went to take another drag of my cigarette, I found it had burned down to the filter, the long ash tail crumbling like ancient ruins to scatter down my shirt and collapse to the ground. Le Prince d'Aquitaine à la tour abolie It smote itself upon the splintered boards beneath my feet… And great was its ruin… I felt a strange sadness for the cigarette that had given its life without fulfilling its purpose. I mourned that beautiful slate ribbon left unattended, and unloved. Now gone forever… Wait… where am I exactly? I was… was doing something… something important. Was it here? Was it now? Has it already started? Has what started? I don’t know… Must not have been that important. Evidently. And then my mind drifted again… lost in a cosmic swell as it swept by at the exact moment I looked up to the sky. It tore me apart carelessly, with invisible whispers as the universe breathed. I stood there staring at the sky, as my mind floated through the deep void of the endless, and the stars burned out… one by one. ….Mare Tenebrarum… At some point, I became vaguely aware of a tingling in both my hands. Pins and needles… voodoo hands… I tried to push the panic back… Don’t spiral… Don’t spiral… But it came rushing up at me like the asphalt at the end of a swan dive. I was dying. I’m dying. I turned around, nearly falling when my left foot unexpectedly quadrupled in size. It seemed to return to normal as soon as I picked it up to take the next step. Unfortunately, my right leg shrank to half its size right at that moment. I nearly fell again. It took what felt like an eternity to get through my back door, which was only 5 feet away. The rapid and drastic changes to my personal dimensions were discombobulating to say the least. As soon as I made it inside, I stood still, hoping that the growing and shrinking would stop if I stopped moving. Now for a better country. Vain presage! Standing still only meant that my entire body began fluctuating wildly in size. Growing 10 feet wide in one moment, then shrinking to the height of a sheet of paper in the next. My right hand suddenly filled the room as my head shrunk to the size of an atom. My head was yanked to the side, and my vision swirled as my left ear grew to the size of a pumpkin. “This,” I said, at length, to the old man. “This can be nothing else than the great whirlpool of the Malström.” You’re spiraling. … I’m spiraling… My feet grew roots, weaving my very DNA into the house that had swallowed me. But I wasn’t dying. That’s what I kept telling myself. I’m not dying You’re not dying! Of course… I knew that was a lie. I knew I was dying. I suddenly leapt through time. I couldn’t tell whether forward or back, but I found myself in a moment when I was driving my truck down an access road somewhere. Trees and cars flowed by like ever moving currents, dragging behind them long trailing tails of after image. Is it still the same day? It’s still dark out. How long has it been? I’m dying… My thoughts were panicked sprinters tumbling and rolling, desperate to escape. But instead of slowing and dying, they gained only energy and volition, building upon themselves. Like fire, converting wood to ash, smoke and heat; my thoughts converted my mind to fear, panic and desperation. The poison of the spiral had become a web of black veins spreading putrefaction throughout my inland empire; laying waste to its cities and strongholds. I had become lost again. I knew that I was spiraling, but the thoughts were so strong, so insistent, so real. Then… Salvation! EMERGENCY ROOM The words glowed neon red out of the Stygian tableau before my disbelieving eyes. Now I was safe. Now I would live. All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. II I was walking across the parking lot. Cold asphalt slid beneath my feet as I glided over without ever touching it. My mind had clearly traveled through time again. Where had the truck gone? Had I parked? … Irrelevant... A great and terrible rectangle of light towered before me, cyclopean and filled with grim portents, carved into the stone flesh of the last sanctuary in this endless night. All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. As I entered, I realized I had been deceived. This was no sanctuary. No refuge could be found here. No healing. No safety. No sanity. The cold, harsh fluorescent light bathed the hellish scene in unflinching, merciless reality. Faces stared at me. So many. So many unblinking eyes. So many dying eyes. The ruin of humanity spread out before me, sprouting from an unending field of ivory tile. Nestled in their azure pods, which were disguised as chairs designed for waiting. Human forms, disfigured and broken in every insidious and creative way reality could think to break them. Legs, purple and bloated, laced with terrible sable webs spun by the cruel spiders living in their veins. Arms and fingers that twisted and bent in grotesque deconstructions of the human shape. Faces, twisted into living masks of pain, despair, and fear. Skin bubbled and rippled with living phlebitis, cellulite, goiters and tumors. Dreadful, nightmare shapes coiled and twisted beneath their skin, whispering blood red lullabies. The air had the consistency of bile, which gagged me as it poured down my throat and filled my lungs. I shut my eyes on that horrible scene, hoping it was nothing more than a nightmare. That’s when the voice interrupted my thoughts. “Sir? Can I help you?“ Who is this person? Where did she come from? Why is she so far below me? Did I grow again? The nurse was seated in an office chair, looking up at me from the desk that I had apparently approached at some point. “I… Think… I’m poisoned… My hands and feet are tingling and numb.“ I heard my words climbing out of the well of my throat, towards the ring of light spilling in through my open mouth. “Is that right? Do you remember your name?” Her voice was peace. A candle in the darkness, a buoy in a vast and desolate sea. She would save me. She wouldn’t let me die. All shall be well… “My name? I…” My mind grew tired of this scene, and skipped ahead to the next part. I wished that it had skipped a little further ahead… I looked down to see wires and hoses burrowing into my chest. Vicious leeches, extracting something from me… something vital. Something I couldn’t get back. “Yeah, EKG is normal. Pulse and blood pressure elevated but not dangerous. …his pupils are pinned… … said he ate some mushrooms…. ….I think he’s just freaking out. ….Let him ride it out in the waiting room.” The words made no sense. They were English… At least I thought they were. But they kept sliding out of my mind when I tried to focus on them. Damn slippery life… III I blinked, and when I opened my eyes again, I had been replanted. Now, I too grew out of my own little azure pod. My body taking its rightful place, rooted amongst the neat little files of human crops. All of us waiting for the blessed day of harvest. We shall all be healed… Mind states crashed over me like waves upon a beleaguered shore. Erosion… soon California and I will be in the sea. Strange ideas traced endless fractal paths through the honeycomb of my mind. I lost myself in the mountainous, craggy terrain of the piebald ceiling tiles. I walked through the grouted valleys of the shadow of death between the bleach stinking tiles of the floor. I watched the second hand of the modern looking clock on the wall. It would not move. I reached out with my mind, taking hold of the dial and pulling with all my might, willing the next second into existence. Finally, after a vast expanse of time my mind was unable to comprehend, the tiny spindle of metal clicked to the next hash mark. I rejoiced! I wept in joy and relief! I had survived it! I had made it! That second was gone, that terrible, terrifying, eternal second was over. But when I looked ahead, up the white road, I could see a great, unending line of seconds stretching out in front of it. I couldn’t do this. There was no way I could survive this. The ship of my mind had drifted unknowingly into the perilous waters of the Spiritus Mundi. Each separate second brought towering walls of water and ice crashing down on my tiny vessel, destroying it completely. And each separate second would rebuild it in some new form. Each new iteration, taking its inspiration from the cosmic winds that had built the once calm and tranquil sea into shifting, collapsing mountains. I watched the jagged white peaks form and shift as they rose to blot out the bruised and vacant sky. Only to tumble down onto my helpless, waiting vessel, rending it to sunders. “Would you like some water?” The soft voice, thrown like a lifeline to my pitifully bereft form, pulled me from those dark waters back to the cruel but welcome light of reality. “Yes… yes, thank you.” I whispered, Looking up gratefully into the hazel pools through which she viewed the world. I wondered what worlds lay beneath those pools. Time skipped again. I held a small translucent cup. Its components extracted, by use of the strange new alchemy called chemistry, from crude oils, and molded into a useful shape. Within its transparent walls, an infinite ocean of uncountable atoms, fused as molecules and clinging together desperately. Covalent bonds… It’s nice to have a friend. My mind calmed, looking into the still, artificial pond in my hands. I lazily slipped from my body into an electron swirling around a hydrogen atom. This particular electron originated 983,592 trillion light years from this exact location. It had drifted through the endless, for aeons, unremarked and utterly unknown. It had bonded with uncountable atoms, becoming so many different things throughout its journey. It had traveled all this time and all this way simply to be here in this moment, comforting me with its eternal revolutions. I shed a single silent tear in gratitude, letting it fall to the placid crystalline surface of the water where it could join it’s brothers and sisters. I don’t know what ever became of that little plastic cup or the water contained therein. Or that little electron, spinning and spinning, continuing on with its endless journey across reality. When my mind is still, in the sleepless hours populating the silent time before the dawn… I think about that little electron… I hope that you are well… The terrible waves that had been tossing me through this existential nightmare began to still. The great sea calmed. My mind returned to me by inches. When I finally felt myself again, I approached the front desk to see what exactly had happened and how much I owed. The woman simply smiled, and asked if I was ok to drive, then let me go home. As I exited the emergency room vestibule, the first warm rays of dawn were creeping into the sky. Great golden fingers tearing away the black cloth of night. I smiled as the sun kissed my cheek, and I walked, as if for the first time, back into the world. IV What probably happened: I had eaten the last 10 grams of shrooms from a bag that I had gotten three weeks ago. They didn’t smell super great, but I wasn’t going to just let them go to waste now was I? I went out onto my back porch, where I lit a cigarette, took one drag, then let the rest of it burn out while I stared at some leaves. Then I got distracted and started staring at the sky. God knows how long I stood there, glassy eyed, staring up at the stars. That’s probably around the time when the slightly spoiled mushrooms started to make me feel unbelievably ill. I turned around, drunkenly stumbling as I imagined my proportions changing. What really happened were very long, slow, comically exaggerated steps as I moved like some absurd marionette trying to get inside my house. As soon as I got inside, I stood there swaying on my feet for a ridiculous amount of time. Some benevolent force kept me and anyone else from being injured despite my absolutely bat shit and unforgivable decision to drive while I was totally out of my mind. When I arrived at the emergency room, the tired and overworked nurse looked up at me with an: “oh fuck, not another one of these”, expression. She patiently ushered me back to an exam room where they took my blood pressure and pulse and hooked me up to an EKG machine. The nurses and doctors all knew immediately what was wrong and simply rolled their eyes as they helped me out to the waiting room to ride out the trip in one of those terrible, uncomfortable, blue chairs. “Hey Tammy, is that guy still here?” Linda asked as she returned from her cigarette break. Tammy simply pointed uninterestedly to the young man who was me sitting in one of the waiting room chairs. “Yep, still just staring at that cup of water, huh?” She chuckled to herself. “Aaaaand now he’s crying into his water.” She said, trying to stifle a laugh. “Well, it is pretty good water.” Tammy quipped. After a few hours, Tammy nudged Linda. The young man who was me was getting up. “Heads up, he’s coming over.” She whispered. “Hey…Um, how much… uh how much do I owe you.” The young man who was me asked. “Don’t worry about it. Are you feeling ok now?” Tammy asked. “Yeah, yeah… I think I’m gonna be ok.” The young man who was me said. “Ok, you gonna be ok to drive home?” “Yeah, I’m good. Thank you.” Then the young man that was me, walked out of the emergency room and paused, letting his head lean up to face the rising sun. “Oh, what’s he doing now? Yeah Tammy, I don’t think we should’ve let him go just yet. He’s like having some sort of spiritual experience in the parking lot.” “Nah, he’ll be fine. We’ve all had a bad trip before.” Edited by Villharmonic (07/18/26 10:31 AM)
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mkultra_survivor Stranger Registered: 07/21/26 Posts: 1 Last seen: 1 month, 5 days |
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Beautifully written and sounds like a terrifying experience. At least you got a good story out of it. Much more poetically told than I could ever manage about some of my bad trips... well done✊️
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