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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Cultivation > Cultivation Confessional
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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter] * 1
    #29458118 -

That was clearly an intense experience for you - peace to you, friend!  Lots of different drugs all wrapped together can make a big mess.  Next time you encounter thise entities, try to have presence of mind to think to ask them what “Why are you here and what can I learn from you?” They’ll likely tell you, and I’m betting it will be a message based in/on/about love.

I had a bad one of my own early in 2025 & it def made me a lot more cautious about tripping hard.

Best wishes as you continue to integrate. Maybe try calling the Fireside project to talk for free to somebody that can help you process that. They’re open 11am-11pm pacific time everyday. 623-473-7433 firesideproject.org.


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Peace to you, friend!
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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: flapping_bird] * 1
    #29458128 -

This was a turning point in my life. I have been sober (mostly) since then. I have some hiccups along the way.

At first I locked myself away embarrassed, Then stuff started happening and I thought  I was crazy and didn't want to tell anyone, then after I finally turned to reading scripture and yielded results I changed my religious beliefs. Which are still changing.

I know that I was having a mental break and what was following me or what I was hallucinating wasn't real but it was very real to me.

I didn't mention it for years until I told some people. At first I would start trembling and my voice would crack, it was like someone threw cold water on me and I was freezing. My palms would sweat. The more I worked through it and talked the more comfortable I became talking about it. I never had a negative experience with mushrooms. I wont say that I would never trip again but if I do I have to approach it very cautiously.


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Wild landrace growalong thread

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: AstroSporeFiend] * 3
    #29458130 -

AstroSporeFiend said:
Have you ever been woken up by a raging boner and were initially pretty impressed, but you stop and wonder why the last dream you had was about cheesecake? Weird.


Cheesecake isn't even close to the weirdest boner inducing dream I've had.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.


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Hitchhikers Guide to The Shroomery

Shine on forever, shine on benevolent son
Shine down upon the severed
Shine until the two become one

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter] * 1
    #29458137 -

right on, brother. peace to you!


--------------------
Peace to you, friend!
The HHG is a guide to getting started.
New User Welcome Wagon
GROWER’S BEST photo contest: join the fun!
CAKE WARS III - Starts SEPT 1, 2026

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter] * 2
    #29458147 -

Being reckless gave me a terrifying experience as well. It was LSD. I don't know how much I took. I understand your anxiety over tripping again. If you want to dip your toes in to try to process this trauma, start small. My worst trip was 25 years ago. I have tripped several times since then but they were all uncomfortable until I found my people here. Those uncomfortable trips, I didn't do it on my own terms, and my dose was too much. The dose would be average for most people but, like you & I, a little goes a long way when you have that fear lingering in you. Also, I wasn't doing it for the "right reasons".

I can relate, man. It changed me, too. Unlike your experience, the message was crystal clear for me. I'm happy to hear that you are working through it. Yes. It is embarrassing, but who cares. It's not about anyone but you. That's your puzzle to solve. I'd be happy to help you if I can. If you want to break it down. We can work through it. I understand that it's not just about the experience but also everything that has happened in your life to that point, your home life, your job, your friends, moral compass... yeah. Complicated. I'm willing to listen/read whatever you are willing to share.

If you are ok with it, dropping it right here in this thread has done wonders for me. These folks here are the best damn therapists you'll find anywhere. That's up to you. I was apprehensive about airing my trauma on an internet forum, but the feedback was worth it for me. I trust these guys. Is it public? Yep! Does it matter? Nope! We are relatively anonymous.

Anyway, you're in good company. Thanks for opening up to us thus far.


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 3
    #29458149 -

Gilmour Hendrix said:
Thanks again, Beef. I had a long conversation with my dad yesterday. He is a very intelligent, spiritual, and perceptive man. He offered some great advice that helped me to roll back my anxiety over this situation. He also helped me come up with a plan to work on my current relationship.

My lady came over last night. We wont have much time together this weekend since our schedules are conflicting. Less than 24 hours together. Usually we have at least two days each week. Everything was pretty good. About the time I was ready to crash, she started getting on my nerves. She's kind of annoying when she drinks very much. Depending on how fast they go down, more than 3 and I see it come through.

We used to drink a lot together. I started to have health problems because of it and slowed down quite a bit. She has too, but she still pushes it. Ale & wine are usually ok. When we get into the cocktails, that's when it starts going sideways. Something has changed. I'm not sure what. Maybe because I'm not as drunk as I was. I'm more present. Our relationship was fueled by alcohol during the first part.



Astro- :laugh2: sexual cheesecake!


One of the things I’ve experienced, and have read is very common, is the exact issue you bring up - a relationship with drinking as a core commonality that changes when one person quits.

My wife and I were the same. I’ve come out the other side. When she drinks now it’s been excruciating to deal with. Many experts and former addicts will tell you that you need to change your circle of relationships to stay sober. And while there is much truth to that, I think that is too simple and too disempowering.

As time has passed with my much lessened drinking two things have happened. One is that I can better deal with my wife’s drinking, especially as I am more comfortable and confident with not drinking. I figured out that a lot of my frustration and anger with her drinking was actually my own real fears about starting to drink again. The second is that, on her own awareness and schedule, she is more aware of her own drinking - how it makes her feel and act. So as I’ve been patient and continued to be my better self, it’s helped create a space where that awareness is leading to change.

So back to the disempowering statement. I have been able to create my own change in an environment that people tell you to leave. It’s not easy, but it’s been the right thing to do to keep things stable for my daughter. As I change, and as I have been patient, I start to see change.

Obviously this isn’t a one size fits all scenario. If the environment is dangerously bad, the decision is much more direct and urgent. But if the environment is simply frustrating, then maybe there’s a way for patience to reinforce personal change and inspire change in others.


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You can ignore the truth to your final breath. But trust me, it will meet you there to be ignored no longer.

The answer to your question is almost always 42
“The answer is always grow more shroom.” Mr Piggy
- Those two answers coexist peacefully.

Quick Sterilization Reference for Altitude

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: flapping_bird] * 3
    #29458152 -

You guys are on fire, what a great convo. Sorry to hear opiates had you by the balls Gil.

You ever heard of Prousts 'A la recherche du temps perdu'? He basically describes the exact same thing, smelling a cake and being plunged into the past. Experiencing long lost times as if they were a second ago. Olfactory sensations can evoke very powerful memories. I used to keep a jar of Nivea baby cream, to take a whiff while tripping and re-live the first years of having kids. Good cries guaranteed.

And this 'shared fuel' thing got me thinking. In my first serious relationship we smoked a lot of weed, like, a lot of weed. We would paint, write, draw and fuck all day. And just lay in bed, we practically lived in bed. When that relationship ended, we were too young, too explosive, I had too much shit in me that needed to be resolved... When that relationship ended I always came back to weed as the one thing that could soothe me. Had to quit it for seven years to re-establish my relationship with the substance.

It's weird to realize how much a substance can become part of how two people relate.

Ovoid, that sounds heavy. I hope you'll be able to integrate that experience.
My difficult / bad / whatever trips always taught me something and I was always grateful, eventually. But for whatever it's worth, the more destructive ones were all under the influence of alcohol or speed (or both). Those trips didn't end in katharsis, it was just pure demon jizz. I think the destructive behavior somehow made it worse, or darker, or something?

I mean the scariest and most stomach-churning shit I've experienced was on mushrooms, mushrooms/maoi, or LSD (or bufo, pfff), but it had purpose, it helped. There was some kind of moral to the story. Or it was just endlessly looping the dying of loved ones. Burying my sister. Getting beat up by a big group of assholes as a young kid. Like exposure therapy, if that makes sense? And it worked, it helped me work on those experiences.

Anyway the third time in my life I took shrooms it was boozed up and awake for thirty hours on speed. We were nineteen at the time and had a jolly bad time. It was just near-psychotic terror, pure darkness. The friend I was with literally cried for his mom for hours while we lay under a bush, trying to evade imagined police officers. There wasn't any lesson or bigger picture (apart from, quit snorting away your life, derp). It was just really fucked up. We both didn't touch psychedelics for about a year after that. What a waste, because we both became better humans once we got back to it, and treated tripping with a lot more respect, reverence even.

Anyway sorry for the book, just wanted to say that for me, that kind of terror was one on one connected to substance abuse in combo with tripping. And it faded after enough time had passed.


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No nation, no border
Fight law and order


Species grown so far

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 4
    #29458169 -

I'm changing my avatar for a little bit - yesterday I was blessed to be able to attend the memorial for Bobby Weir in San Francisco. It was a remarkable event - full of emotions spanning the whole spectrum. I laughed and cried and prayed at the Buddhist shrine built for him - and gained some new appreciation for Bobby, who was an incredible musician, a force of nature and a deeply spiritual person.  As a teenager and young adult seeing the Grateful Dead, I was a Jerry and Brent guy. Bobby was such a goofball so much of the time, and mockery came easily to a lot of Deaheads. But he was also the heart and soul - the rocket fuel - that made the Dead, and dead shows what they were. He was the life force. I wish I could have seen that more clearly then but I was a young dumbfuck. 

While his daughter, Chloe, was speaking, Bobby's window, Natasha could be see staring at something in the sky, and most of the massive crowd turned around to look too. There circling above us was a beautiful Red Tailed hawk calling out and hovering above the plaza. When Natasha spoke, a second Hawk joined the first and it really felt like Bobby and Jerry were finally reunited in the spirit realm. It was a deeply beautiful moment. No one really spoke out loud about it at first, but everyone knew. Eventually Natasha called out "Hi Darlin'!" And of course, we all lost it.

Anyway, thought I'd share here. I've been noticing a lot of dead heads (icons and avatars) in the threads lately, so I hope this is welcome.

Love you, my brothers and sisters.


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-Noku
Eskawata kaya waikiki
HHG
"Shake it like you would a newborn baby" - BeefExtreme

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Churpee Choozle] * 4
    #29458197 -

Churpee Choozle said:
Anyway sorry for the book, just wanted to say that for me, that kind of terror was one on one connected to substance abuse in combo with tripping. And it faded after enough time had passed.


It was ultimately beneficial to me in the lens that it got me sober which I needed. It scared me sober. I went from getting stoned everyday to being cold turkey on everything. Very alarming. It wasn't even that I wanted to be sober I couldn't get high because of the paranoia.

I know this sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person. I understand what was happening now but you must understand how fried my pie was. I was as low as I could go.

I've tried alot of years to make sense of it and one other really bad lsd trip. What you are saying really hits for me tho. I used to respect it up to that point. I was only 20 and started growing at 16 or so. Even the first times I used mushrooms was very ritualistic  and meaningful and not just for kicks.

Somewhere tho I lost that and started using them just for stimulation. Not really a deeper purpose other than just get super high. Big doses 5+ grams and isolation was my thing. Alot of nights on tripsit.me knowing I wasn't getting anything anymore. I know its because I lost the "magic" and abused the stuff.

I feel honestly really sad about it.

I had no job, dropped out of school, no freinds, high everyday, way overdoing it on shrooms, dealing with abandonment issues from my dad when I was younger, him threatening to kill me was the last time I saw him. There's alot of reasons that it happened. I still kind of feel these things but thats the nature of trauma.


This is quite literally a trauma dump. All this to say I'd really like to trip again and do it with my brother who has been my tripping/grow partner since our teens, I feel like this is best for some reason if i do it. From hiding our stuff from mom to working together as adults he's my guy for anything.

My current status is married with a baby making 40-60k a year just vibing. Just recently got the urge to get back into the hobby out of the blue.


This is all my lore I feel like sharing today thanks to anyone that read it.

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter] * 1
    #29458205 -

Good on you for sharing. The healing can begin.

Give your brother a big hug for me when you see him. I miss mine.

I don't think you're rambling one bit.

You're older and much wiser. You're going to be alright, man. Something has called you back. You'll know why in due time.


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 4
    #29458212 -

I confess I am spamming the boards with this giveaway.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/29458207#29458207

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Ovoidhunter]
    #29458217 -

Ovoidhunter said:
Since everyone is being candid I wanted to drop this in here not to derail the conversation but just share the source of my real trauma. The trauma that still haunts my thoughts and makes me nervous.

Whenever I was at my peak of really overdoing psychs and smoking weed and drinking ect.. I had finally managed to get my hands on some dmt. I at first took a small dose but enough to get a teaser and heard a voice. I wanted more because I had never audibly heard a voice so clear and it was calling my name. A female voice..

About a month of staring at this gram I was so scared of the last experience but I needed to go farther. I was so scared I could barely bring myself to get it back out. So I decided that I would work up the courage..

I had some buckets I got from lowes with the last couple weeks harvest and just grabbed a heaping helping fistful. Probably 5-7g of cubes. I then went to my liquor storage and downed a pint or thereabouts of rot gut whiskey.

When the shakes hit from the shrooms and the numbness came over me from the alcohol I finally reached into my bag and grabbed the 1g. I was rolling a joint, and to the displeasure of my freind I dumped the whole gram in the joint.

He tried to take it from me but I literally  ran away from him to a cemetery near my old home and got about 1-3 good hits in before I went out of body. Pins and needles all over and then complete darkness. I could see my body on the ground (convulsing?). I instantly  had everything goes into fractals and could not make it stop. Panic sat in. The mushrooms turned on me and I ended up coming back in the hospital having a panic attack. Knowing that I just made a complete fool of myself and the intensity of the dmt and processing the out of body experience all at once really broke me.


After this the first night back home, I woke up to my family member in my dream (who was a woman) who was sitting in her usual place in her house and she candidly told me (its okay). She had just passed a few months earlier. I woke up screaming and crying in colds sweats that I just had the most vivid dream of my life depicting my recently deceased family member.


After this I started getting really dark entities, waking up to fingers running through  my hair, waking up to voices that sounded like family that were nowhere around. I eventually started reading scripture and it stopped after about 6 months. I've not tripped since. I thought I was done for permanently. Even now I probably wont trip anymore and i'll just get back into cultivation.


I'm at the point to where I can talk about it now and have healed for the most part. It's crazy how much a bad trip can fuck you up.


well bud honestly, it sounds like you got into a realm
you just werent prepared for.  all demons, vampires, witches, entities and yoohoos otherwise are manifestations of ourselves.  (mostly but not always)


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

Edited by BeefExtreme (01/18/26 12:14 PM)

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 3
    #29458223 -

Sorry I don't mean to talk down to you or anything. I know it was fucking terrifying.
I had an experience once on about a half of good shrooms when I was around 19 yo.

The trees came alive and hunted me with such efficient aggression. They had hot-dog like tentacles and tongues.

I could hear all my friends thoughts. I could. To this day, I'm not totally clear on whether or not that part was real or imagined. Big part of me beleives it was real.  I was in the presence of entities that seemed annoyed that was in their vibrational level.

I was so scared.  For months I'd hear swarms of birds every time i went from room to room. Id see man with yellow eyes in the backseat of my car if i was so brave to drive at night. Ran from my own car parked on the side of the road several times.

I was cold sober for four years. Not even coffee. Only tea. I put these silly tattoos on my hands as protection marks. (I later removed them)

Look the point im making is that i wasn't at all prepared for that realm. Ive revisited it now, in my adult life, knowing full well that I am the master of all of it, and it does obey.

Death is safe.


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 1
    #29458244 -

HERES A CONFESSION GUYS

I'm actually tired of playing small and acting nice all the time so here it goes:

I disagree with about 67% of everything Stipe says about cultivation.

IN GENERAL.

Have a great day.


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 2
    #29458247 -

Like what for example? Vent your pc? Lol


--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break 
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: JW123] * 2
    #29458287 -

JW123 said:
I confess I am spamming the boards with this giveaway.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/29458207#29458207


Happy Shroomiversary!


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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: Gilmour Hendrix] * 1
    #29458296 -

Yeah happy shroomerversary JW! Cool giveaway!


--------------------
No nation, no border
Fight law and order


Species grown so far

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: tryptkaloids]
    #29458372 -

tryptkaloids said:
Like what for example? Vent your pc? Lol



like so many things. Everything that he says thats different from what I say. Start with that.


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: BeefExtreme] * 2
    #29458402 -

Does he remind you of your dad?
:drphil:
:lovetodeath:


--------------------

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Re: The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The Unofficial Cultivation Off Topic Discussion. [Re: GenesisCorrupted] * 1
    #29458434 -

noooo stipes a much much better man than my dad; that and i actually respect stipe, unlike my dad. 

no i just disagree with a lot of his opinions .

like millet, for example.


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The Cultivation Confessional Booth - The OFFICIAL Cultivation Off Topic Discussion

✸-✸-✸

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Shroomery

Edited by BeefExtreme (01/18/26 04:31 PM)

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