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Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 1,022
my brother is in deep
    #2939632 - 07/29/04 10:05 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

So my brother has been having drug problems (pretty much everything but his main trouble is cocaine and herion) for years now and got out of rehab about six months ago. The rehab managed to keep him clean for 6 months before that but he still was struggling with hardcore depression. Needless to say shortly after getting back from rehab his habits started up again.

He lives in dallas and i'm in chicago. he recently decided to come up and try going to school here in chicago (same school i am currently attending). He has been working a lot in dallas and apparently been doing coke on and off ever since he got back from rehab as well as a lot of xanax, booze and weed (i didnt find this out until yesterday tho, we had suspicions but hoped he was still clean).

So obviously me, my brother, and my whole family were feeling positive thinking school might give him some purpose and direction in life and it might help him out.

But he was up here this week for orientation and the week went to absolute shit. He and his best friend came over to my apartment and we had a few beers (ya i know i should have known better but at this point i have been 1000's of miles away from the situation and was still not sure of the servereity of his addiction). I didnt really notice it until looking back but he was sucking down the beer rather fast and he was noticabley depressed.

So they eventially left and went back to the dorms so they could be ready for orientation the next day. But apparently he was getting more and more depressed on the way back and just generally getting down on himself. Shortly after they got back he ended up smoking some weed with some kids and then he left his friend saying he was just going around the block to find some food.

But he ended up approaching some random dude on the street and asked for drugs and they got in a cab and went to some dealers house on the south side. mind you this is my 18 year of skinny ass suburanite white boy brother tooling around the south side of chicago looking for drugs. Ya, thats scary.

So he ends up getting fucked up on some coke and herion and when he tried to leave the house they hassled himf or more money. When he basically told em to fuck off they jumped him and robbed him.

By the time he finally found his way back to us we were alreayd in a panic looking for him and when he saw us he was pale white and came up and hugged me and started crying.

At first he tried to cover u what had happened by saying he was just jumped, leaving out the whole drug part. but his story just wasnt adding up and upon pressing him he finally admitted the truth. He was pretty torn up about it. he kept saying he felt pathetic and that he had "given up" (on life i can only assume). He was crying and just miserable as hell.

I did my best to try and get him to tell me as much of the story as he could and i also got him to fill me in on his drug usage since he finished rehab. i did my best to try and get him to just let it all out and stop hiding and running from it. He has always been one to bottle up his emotions and it just eats him up inside.

Seeing all this up close after only hearing about it over the phone for so long was tough to handle. The severeity of his situation finally sank in and the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. When you're deperate enough to risk approaching some random dude on the streets of chicago asking for drugs then God know's how low he might sink next time.

As of now I'm greatful he is still alive and not physically harmed from the whole incident but now me and my family are left witht eh question of what to do next? Do we cancel his enrollement at school and send him to rehab again? Or do we take a chance and hope that school might help him pull out of this? Neither one seems like its much better than the other. Cause what good does rehab do? Last time it seemed to help him stay clean but it ddnt help with his depression much. School seems appealing if you're naive enough to think he wont fall victim to the endless temptation fo the ciity streets.

What shuld I do as a borther to help him? Only thing I can think of is that I start calling him all the time everyday if need be and just check up on him and offer my support. But the kid is soooo depressed. his self image is absolute shit and he I know suicide is constantly on his mind.

I know ya'll probably cant offer up any solid answers but I'm open to suggestions. Is it naive to hope that maybe he can make it in school without sucommbing to his addiction again? Do you see rehab as the better option even after its failed him once before? Can you think of some other options?

This whole thing has really torn me to pieces the last few days and I am really set on preventing that call saying that my brother has OD'd or commited suicide.

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Anonymous #1

Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2939834 - 07/29/04 11:37 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

:frown: im very sorry to hear this.  This is all im going to say, in my experience with dealing with friends with addiction.  If rehab does not work the first time, then its simply not going to work.  HE HAS TO BE THE ONE THAT WANTS TO STOP USING, there is nothing more they can do for him, it is all on him to quit, no one else and nothing else can do anything for him, only he can do it.

oh yeah, pray for him, it helps a lot.

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Niggar please

Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 386
Loc: Orange County
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2940042 - 07/29/04 12:30 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Sounds like the kid might benefit from some counseling or meds for his depression, not just rehab.  I know a lot of people hate the idea of using antidepressants, but he could be using all the drugs to self-medicate 'cause he feels so shitty.  Fixing that first might help him deal with his drug habit.

Whatever happens, calling & checking up on him sounds like a good idea.    At least it shows him that you care about how he's doing.  Best of luck to both of you.  :heart:

I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne

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old hand

Registered: 06/09/99
Posts: 1,817
Last seen: 15 days, 12 hours
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2940055 - 07/29/04 12:32 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

If he's serious about getting his life straight then about the best thing he can do is start a recovery program (maybe not necesarily rehab). Explore NA and AA options in Chicago and maybe you can find him a group that will give him the support he needs. He needs to be around people who have delt with, and are dealing with similar problems to offer him the encouragement he needs to stay clean and straight.

School will help, but the pressure might be too much and just fuel his need for addiction.

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Registered: 12/24/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2941554 - 07/29/04 07:07 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Hey Floydian, (i remember you, didnt you go to the same dam h/s as i did or something??) lol


Chicagos a really really (really) bad place for anyone struggling to get off crack or smack.

The south side of chicago is just a nightmare for anyone who is white (i was actually born on the southside and lived there the first 10 years of my life),
-The south side is too dangerous to even really drive through let alone score dope and hang out and get high at a crack house.
--That is just what happens when you are white and on the southside in a ghetto drug house, with money, southside people are crazy, they were raised and brought up taught to rob white people in crack houses.

The west side chicago is where the white kids can safely go to the ghetto and get some drugs on the streets.


And i remember going to some colleges in chicago, didnt work out, i was too much of a druggie and the city was literally tearing me to shreds. School would usually last a week or two for me until i couldnt even manage anymore with the drugs and would just drop out.
Chicago is probably the greatest city in our country, but its just no place for a smack junky. Its just too difficult. For me at least.

Houston is, another tough one. If hes scored dope in those ghettos, its just no place for a junky to get clean..and then continue living clean..its just too difficult.

I had to move to florida, and now everythings better for me as far as drug addiction goes.

-Chicago was a real-bad idea for your brother to go there fresh out of rehab.. get real dude, the whole dam city was built on drugs and booze and organized crime.. the whole city is constructed in a way to sell drugs in the ghetto..

Good luck dude,

Have your bro clean up and then move somewhere safer and a cleaner enviroment ya know, i came to florida,, have him move somewhere new, where he hasnt already scored dope at..


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Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2941743 - 07/29/04 08:13 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Oh man I feel your brothers pain and yours. Don't give up on him. He need your love and support more than ever now.

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Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 1,022
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2942185 - 07/29/04 10:50 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Hey GG, I remember you from a few years back.  :smile: We definetly went to the same highschool. Thanks for the suggestions guys. We're still not sure what to do but he was doing better today after getting some rest and talking it out a bit.

I know he's still got  a long way to go. My parents want him to still try school and he says he still wants to try it as well. I'm very nervous about the whole idea, but if he's gonna try it Im gonna talk to my parents and try and get him set up with some help of some kind around here. Whether its a shrink or a support group im not sure but I guess we'll figure that out when the time comes.

One thing is for sure the kid is lucky that my parents are level headed about this and only want to help him. they could very easily be the angry punishing types.

But you guys are right, its ultimately up to him to find the strength to stay clean. I'm just gonna try my best to make sure he's got the most support possible.

thanks again.

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Registered: 05/14/00
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Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2946920 - 07/31/04 02:04 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

So obviously I've been digesting this issue ever since it happend and the mor ei think about it the more him coming up to chicago sounds like the biggest mistake. GG you are definetly right, he's not gonna be able to handle the temptation of the city or be able to concentrate on school until he has delt with this.

I just had a very long talk with my mother over the phone and we managed to agree that he's not ready for school. We started weighing the options and figured it might be time for some tough love. he has it pretty easy right now, my parents are supporting him and his habits and it tearing my families home apart and he's not having to face any harsh concequences because of it.

We think that unless he really starts showing a focused effort to get clean then its time to cut him off and let him find his own path. Him being at home and being a junky is ruining not only his life but my mother father and sister's life as well. He's got a decent paying job and he could support himself with a little seed money. But really we hope to try to do some type of intervention and see how he reacts before we do anything along those lines.

One way or another we need to make him understand that we arent gonna just stand by and support him while he slowly kills himself. If it means taking the risk of letting him off on his own then so be it. He's either gonna slowly kill himself under our watch, do the same thing on his own, or finally decide he wants something better.

We also discussed how we do not believe the AA model type of rehab will help him much. He started seeing a shrink this week and we are gonna try and get him to get involved with that, but obviously it's ultimately up to him to allow for a change to take place.

God these types of decisions are tough but acting like nothing happend and expecting him to make it in school here in chicago is just insane. I just hope he has the strength somewhere inside him to want to pull himself out of this.

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Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,313
Loc: Israeli in
Re: my brother is in deep [Re: Floydian]
    #2971542 - 08/06/04 12:08 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

a shrink is imperative for a kid like that!
he should learn how to deal with stuff instead of turning to drugs!
just staying clean is never enough...
also you've got to make sure he doesn't have too much free time... he should be busy most of the time to keep his mind off of whatever it is that's bothering him and drugs of course (but he should be dealing with all that with his shrink)

you should also try and just be his friend... dont order him on what to do or not to... just listen to him and make him trust you!

(all this may be so irralevent but... take what you will... and good luck!)

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