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Amazon Shop: Phish

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Registered: 01/13/04
Posts: 894
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Phish and Ferris Robinson
    #2827771 - 06/25/04 01:23 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I don't know how many of you saw the phish article from Ferris Robinson...many of you have...for the ones that haven't...here is the article...it seems to be unavailable at the moment...i'm thinkin' because she was bombarded from emails from Phish fans and opened a can of worms that she wasn't expecting and had to shut it down before anymore came...anyway...i was following up on the article and seeing if there were any opinion articles posted about her article...i posted the links after her article...a lot were sticking up for phish...some were hatin' on those fans for voicing their opinions...one was from Ferris stating she actually enjoyed Phish and she was only joking...

Life With Ferris: If Phish Can Do It, So Can I
by Ferris Robinson
posted June 20, 2004

Ferris Robinson
I am going to be a songwriter. I am going to specialize in song writing for wayward adolescents.

This is actually easier than it sounds. I'm pretty sure no degrees are required in any field of psychology, counseling or education. The songs that this group seems to love are extremely simple. Specifically, very elementary rhymes and very basic facts that are uninteresting as a rule make multi-million dollar songs! I think that if the ABC's weren't already copyrighted, that would be a real moneymaker.

There is a band that is held on a pedestal by this group of teenagers. The name of the band is "Phish." It is pronounced "Fish" but spelled incorrectly. (This is sounding easier and easier, isn't it?) You have seen their logo stuck on rear windows of ill-kept vehicles usually driven by shaggy-haired, pierced youth in revealing clothes.

All of this band's songs tend to have a lullaby melody, not one you would expect throngs of unruly teens to gravitate toward at all. Horrible, grating heavy metal chords would be impossible for me to work with; I can't stand to hear it for even a minute. But the tunes of this band remind me of learning Spanish on Sesame Street.

The followers of Phish are even rougher looking, and from what I understand, rougher-acting than the average unmanageable teen. I have overheard them categorized as "I was nervous at Bonnaroo; there were a bunch of Phish-looking guys near our spot." Now I cannot imagine a group rougher looking than the group I wished well on their way to Manchester for the weekend, but apparently there is one. And they like lullabies.

One of their most popular songs, and they have made an enormous amount of money on it, goes like this:

"The tires are the things on your car that make contact with the road."

This is not a little tidbit of verse that is barely sung in the body of the song. It is the THEME and is repeated verbatim so many times and is so utterly stupid it gets trapped in your head. You find yourself humming it, over and over, no matter how irritated you are with yourself that that is the one thing dominating your brain.

The grand finale of the song is this:
"A car is the thing that takes you back to your abode!"


It is a tune not unlike "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" But it lacks the punch of 'Life is but a dream,' Now that is a sentence worth pondering. Does it mean that life is just dreamy, as in a good thing we should strive to appreciate while we have the chance? Or could it mean life is unreal, that we are just imagining it? Or does it mean to just keep on going through the motions and be happy about it because this thing called life is fleeting?

Now that little ditty gives plenty to think about. But an unhelpful description of what tires are? How can that even be worth consideration, unless you are from that planet the coneheads came from?

The lyrics bring us to the question of who are these kids anyway that are not only satisfied but enamored by a song Cookie Monster might sing about to two-year-olds. Although most of them already know what tires are.

Anyway, back to my career as a songwriter. This is what I have so far. I am going to use the same tune, because I don't think any of the fans would notice.

"These people at your house maintaining life as you know it are your Mom and Dad, These people at your house maintaining life as you know it are your Mom and Dad, These people at your house maintaining life as you know it are your Mom and Dad, These people at your house maintaining life as you know it are your Mom and Dad, (This line really cannot be repeated enough to this age group; hopefully it will worm its way into their heads and be a constant if irritating reminder of 'oh yeah, mom and dad'), So thank them kindly and make them glad you are the child they had."

For my encore album I will go into more details, using the same tune, about specifics like 'the hair is the stuff on your head that looks better cut and combed" and "to wear spandex bras in public you need to be in extraordinary shape" and "are you just an idiot or do you not know smoking causes lung cancer and brown teeth."

I can sense them flocking already.

Here are the links in response to her article:











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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 60,954
Loc: the sky
Re: Phish and Ferris Robinson [Re: SoDak_Stranger]
    #2827793 - 06/25/04 01:27 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I don't know who Ferris Robinson is. But I'm pretty sure that whoever it is, they're a dolt.

Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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