Anonymous #1 said:

Ever since I was little I remember struggling with depression. I've had a lot of really dark thoughts, a lot of really dark days. Which is most difficult because that's not who I am at heart. At heart I'm so content with everything, this is my life an no other's right?

But it's still there - day in, day out I'm forced to entertain thoughts that don't scream of self love and instead scream for silence.. In spite of all that I've always remained true to myself as best as I can, but I don't know. Things are different now. Things in my life have changed but maybe I've changed the most.

Ever since about 6 months ago I don't feel like the same person. I feel hollow and bleak and like my time here is only worth the time it takes for it to end. There was a time where I stayed up late, and thought a little too hard about things. I made plans, I cried tears of honest joy. I almost did it. Ever since then I think I lost who I really am.

I used to be so loving and now I just feel like any affection I give out is a burden to those around me, as some kind of vigil to my impermanence. I know in the back of my mind I just want things to end, but the me that persists sees the beauty in every day. It's a paradox that tears me up inside..

Last night I entertained some bad thoughts, let myself tell myself that some choices may be better than others... and at the worst of it I made considerations I shouldn't have. To top it off I'm a grown ass man and I was crying on my couch at 2am like a jackass.

I was letting it all wash over me as best I could, and then a light went off. It was the strangest thing. My light above the kitchen counter, the single light that I keep on late at night so I can see.. it's right above the sink and it just flipped off. I immediately focussed on that. It was so curious, because it was impossible. I was scared, genuinely scared and concerned. I mean there was only 3 options. The bulb or breaker blew, but nothing was on and the bulb was replaced not too long ago. No that's not it. Someone else did it? No, no one is awake but me. I called my dog and flipped open my pocket knife.. yes I was that freaked out about it. The worst part is that the freakiest possibility was true.. sure enough, the switch was in the off position.

Now I don't know what is what in life, I don't think anyone does, but I do know is that light was on. I know it happened at an impossible time. I know what I was thinking, and I know I learned something. When I woke up this morning, well all I can say is I don't know is if I've seen a more beautiful day. The sun is shining and everything is so very green.

I'm not sure why I wrote this, maybe just thoughts or just maybe someone to listen. I needed to get this off my chest so I guess I'm sorry if I end up bringing anyone down. If anyone out there ever feels like I do, just try to remember you're not alone - in body, mind, or spirit. Take care of yourselves

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Anonymous #2 said:

hey man make some changes with your life if youre not happy with where its going. You can literally do anything. I have off days too. Just go do whatever you want since you only get one chance to live today and then its gone.

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Anonymous #3 said:

If you wanted to die. You would be dead. Stop putting so much effort into planning to kill yourself and direct all that energy into figuring out how to get laid. Getting laid can definitely turn things around. And all the things you end up doing to attain that goal will have positive effects on your mood... getting in shape, brushing your teeth, cleaning your house etc... Get on the path to some quality pussy and everything will work itself out along the way.

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Hey now that's a big assumption to make. I'm in a relationship, I have a good woman as far as I'm concerned. I've been there though, I know the elation all that can bring but it's not who I am now. Positive reinforcement is something I try to practice already but I don't feel like I should live life truly for anyone else but myself. That is beyond the point of it all as far as I'm concerned.. I could never tell myself I need to just focus on getting a piece. That would honestly just make me more depressed.

Anonymous #4 said:

Dont be such an entitled twat. You aren't owed the American Dream, and basic comfortable lives aren't mass produced in American Factories. Be grateful for what you have and take time to realize that even when you have absolutely nothing... that's a lot more then some!

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