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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Registered: 08/20/03
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Bipolar
    #2437213 - 03/16/04 12:07 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

Lately i've been really fucked up. I was trying to make sense of it all and figure out what was wrong with me. I thought that I was getting depressed again because I used to have depression as well as OCD but my depression left and most of the OCD with it. But now i'm fucked up again but it's not like before. I'm not always sad and sometimes i'm super happy. Like there will be times where I feel like my life is perfect and everything is gonna be ok and everyone likes me and I can do anything i want but then later i'll start crying out of no where and for no reason and i feel like nobody gives two shits and a fuck about me and i feel like it's all going to shit. My friend thought i had ADD and so did one of my teachers a couple years ago. My teacher because i can't pay attention in school and my friend because i talk like a maniac. She says i talk super fuckin fast. I checked the internet about bipolar and everything that they had on there as symptoms and shit i seemed to fit into. My one friend thought something was wrong with me as well and was reading a magazine and they had a bipolar test. She used to date me and knows me fairly well and did it for me sort of thing like as if i was her, or she me... whatever anyways she said i fit every single thing except for like hallucinations.

So what the fuck do I do? Does anyone else have this? I don't know if i should go to a doctor or not because i might not have it and i might just be me jumping to conclusions or some shit? Sometimes i feel fine and that's why im not sure.I dont want to talk to my dad about it. I think he'd get mad at me. I know that doesnt make sense but he's the kind of guy who can't accept things. Once i told him that i had OCD, it came up somehow and he's just like "no you don't" as if him saying so makes it so. Im glad im not gay because he'd probably go into denial and disown me or some shit. Blah, I dont know what the fuck to do anymore. Someone help me out. It'd be muchly appreciated.


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OfflineBacho
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437268 - 03/16/04 12:24 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

my sister and mother are bipolar, imagine how much fun that was growing up. go to the doctor they have drugs for it.


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Bacho]
    #2437272 - 03/16/04 12:24 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

are the drugs SSRI or MAOI? cuz wouldnt that suck?


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Registered: 06/24/03
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437281 - 03/16/04 12:26 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

I'm sorry, I'm a noob, what's OCD?


--------------------
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OfflineHBS
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437289 - 03/16/04 12:27 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

my entire life seems to be a rollercoaster of being on top of the world, to minutes later feeling like 'its all over' which is often accompanied by thoughts of death and lack of self worth ...

due to this becoming serious (at least to me), i have since quit drugs and college and anything that can seriously change my mood without my knowing ... by eliminating all the extra factors, i am hoping to uncover what the real reasons are behind these manic depressive thought patterns ... i might end up never figuring it out, but with drugs obscuring clear vision of what's going on, i'd never know if i didn't try ...

when it just comes down to it, all i can do is let go and say 'that's life', because fighting it just hurts too much and never leads to anything positive

since my life constantly changes, i assume this rollercoaster of feeling will change one day, too, so my number one priority is finding motivation to keep me going day to day until life turns to a more clear, happy path ... i'd rather have false hopes with the chance of the hopes becoming reality rather than just giving up and saying 'who gives a fuck' to life, as i did in the past ... that lead to nothing but serious suicidal thoughts, and that scares me ...

i suggest getting a few opinions from professionals while taking EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt ... they mean well, but a lot seem to be nothing but 'textbook' ... as in ... they just label you (bipolar) and make you feel terrible, as if you are a mistake

since i'm in the same hole, it's hard to give advice, but know you are not alone, and stop labelling yourself 'bipolar' or whatever ... it's a way society can keep everybody in order, with labels, and all it does is create unhappiness and tension ... nobody is perfect, and everybody is bipolar to some extent ...

im sorry this was all jumbled but i feel that stream of consciousness writing says a lot more and contains a lot more feeling than a superbly written essay ... i hope i gave some help, i'll probably make more sense if you wanted to PM me and we could talk specifically about issues ... if not, best wishes, life is strange


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Lightningfractal]
    #2437293 - 03/16/04 12:29 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder


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Anonymous #1

Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437306 - 03/16/04 12:32 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

if you have enough question in your mind to think about seeing a doctor, maybe that is the best idea.

i thought i may be suffering depression awhile back. i fit several symptoms of a manic depressive person by textbook description, and i was feeling like pure hell, but a trip to the doctor confirmed something which i already knew.. most of my problems are due to drug abuse. i allow myself too much time to think because i sit around smoking pot all the time. i have a good deal of pent up angst due to my lack of motivation to take my lazy ass outside and experience the world for what it really is.

i've cut back on my weed consumption, stopped all other drugs entirely, and have removed a number of people from my life which have needed to be gone for a long time now. old habits die hard although, and new problems have crawled out of the woodwork as the old problems have just started to fade out.

to be entirely honest, i'm more stressed now than i have ever been in my life, but now, unlike then, it seems that there is hope.

maintain...


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Registered: 06/24/03
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437316 - 03/16/04 12:34 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

Oh, like when you wanna go back and redo shit again because something "just wasn't right" about the way you did it the first time?

I have that. Sometimes I'll put the cap on a bottle 4-5 times before I finally feel O.K. about how I did it.

It sucks to have shit like this, I chalk it up to having annoyed God at one point or another.


--------------------
Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all



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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Lightningfractal]
    #2437351 - 03/16/04 12:41 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

ya OCD is a pain in the ass. also i used to do a lot of counting. like counting the number of words in a sentance or letters in a word. and i had my own system and some numbers were good and some bad and if a word or sentance didnt fit right you could bend your own rules. like the word like could be counted as 5 cuz for me 5 is a good number so one point for each letter and then i can use the i as 2 because it's seperated and is in two different parts. only j and i have that. if it was pie i could make it 5 the same way except once i have 4 after using the i as 2 and then squeeze one more point out of the word by using "pie" as a word for one point. it was way fucked up.


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Registered: 06/24/03
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2437386 - 03/16/04 12:53 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

Yeah, lids are a big problem to me. Every time I put on a lid I feel like i might be sealing the contents of the bottle from natural airflow which would be beneficial to the contents of the bottle.

Or else I feel that something dirty might have been in the air when I put the cap on. Sometimes i will open it back up and let new air into the bottle before sealing it again.

Turning off water faucets is about the same. Did I do it just right? I think I might have shut that one off too hard or not enough.

Doors sometimes don't shut right either! Sometimes it takes a particular door up to 10-15 tries before it finally decides to shut the right way.

I am too obsessed with a perfect order. I feel that my mind is like a microscope that can figure out if perfect order has been maintained or not. If not, I must fix it!

I hate the shit too. Sometimes I just don't give a fuck and leave shit wrong, but then I feel bad for a while.


--------------------
Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all



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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Lightningfractal]
    #2437441 - 03/16/04 01:12 AM (13 years, 13 days ago)

yeah that's the problem with OCD. when you dont do that shit you feel bad and it's really agitating. that's why i do all the shit that my mind makes me do usually. cuz if i dont my mind will dwell on it. it's such an annoying feeling.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2438843 - 03/16/04 12:41 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

do people naturally outgrow ocd?


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Registered: 06/24/03
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Re: Bipolar [Re: ]
    #2439373 - 03/16/04 03:02 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

Mine isn't near as bad as it used to be, but I can't say I "naturally" outgrew it, because of all the drugs I do. Maybe pot cured me, who knows.


--------------------
Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all



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Offlineetard
etheonogenesis

Registered: 06/10/03
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Loc: Wisconsin
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Bipolar [Re: Lightningfractal]
    #2439721 - 03/16/04 04:25 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

My mother is bi-polar, and it's been very hard to grow up with her. However, there are drugs to help, and yes, they're SSRIs. At least what she takes. However, you can deal with SSRIs and drug use much better than MAOIs. I'm on an SSRI now and I've never had problems with any hallucinogens or any other drugs. Just be smart and responsible. And responsible means going to get help for your bi-polar disorder. Good luck.


--------------------
.oOo. Selling your babies for my bandwidth since 1994 .oOo.


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Re: Bipolar [Re: etard]
    #2439893 - 03/16/04 04:57 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

Yeah, I'd tell the doc I wanna try an MAOI, then just save them to potentiate mushroom trips with. :thumbup:

I'm lookin' for the natural cure, I figure that if I have a mental problem, that I got it through making fucked up choices at some point.

I think having a screwed up mind means that one did deviate from the positive choice too much, and at some point injured themselves.

I must strive for goodness and fairness, and use natural herbs to help my mind to heal itself.

I will use the power within to forge a stronger mind, capable of withstanding much more rigorous use without breaking.


--------------------
Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all



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Offlinetemperance
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Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 126
Loc: southern ca
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2440303 - 03/16/04 07:22 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

I was diagnosed bipolar years ago. I used to take a mood stabilizer (lithium, depakote-sp?, topomax), anti-depressant (effexor, celexa), and sleep inducer for my mania/insmonia (seroquel, klonopin... neither are actually sleep inducers though). Keep in mind that I am the sensitive type, but Effexor made me anorexic. Celexa made my libido cease. Lithium & depakote made me a complete emotionless zombie. Klonopin gave me weird anxiety attack seizures. Seroquel made me a super space. All of them became pretty addicting. I no longer take any meds and haven't for a year.

Psychedelic/ecstatic experience, meditation, yoga, and healthy diet have proven to be better therapy for myself. I've also found weed to be a good 'mood stabilizer' for myself. When I'm manic, I smoke a bowl and relax. When I have insomnia, I smoke a bowl and fall asleep. When I'm totally depressed, I smoke a bowl and transcend my depression. That's just me, though. I don't know if weed works this way for everyone.

But prescription drugs were good training wheels to stability for myself. I'd never go back on them though.

But whatever works for you is most important. PM me if you ever want to talk about natural, holistic, and/or alternative ways to treating bipolar or depression.


--------------------
It may be best to not take anything I say too seriously because I surely don't. Anything I say may be subject to revision at any time by any person, place, thing, or catastrophic event. And please don't call me Shirley.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2440889 - 03/16/04 09:44 PM (13 years, 12 days ago)

your emotional highs and lows and crying out of nowhere are classic manic depressive symptoms,go to your doc and tell him about it :thumbup:


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2441411 - 03/17/04 12:20 AM (13 years, 12 days ago)

Ok so my mom phoned me today and I told her about whats going on so she made me an appointment for Thursday so i can get a referal to a psychiatrist or whatever. Hopefully things will get better.


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InvisibleLocus
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Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2441468 - 03/17/04 12:38 AM (13 years, 12 days ago)

Yeah, that's good dude.. sounds like classic manic depressive symptoms.. a lot of us have similar problems. I've had OCD, clinical depression, and GAD/SAD since i was real young. It's been a huge struggle and I've still got a long way to go. I've been on many trials of different antidepressants, and it can be rough finding one that you can stay on but they can help too.. I'll be trying them out again soon. That's good you're going to a psychiatrist, now you'll get diagnosed and you can start getting help so you can get better. Good luck :smile:


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Bipolar [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #2442681 - 03/17/04 11:13 AM (13 years, 11 days ago)

good on ya mate,it takes balls to see a psychiatrist(i did).you'd be surprised how many people wouldn't have the nerve to see if they are ok,
like locus says, goodluck
:thumbup:


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