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Lessons from the old testament * 2
    #21016142 -

Often people forget that the old testament contains many important lessons for how to live our lives.

For example, we should not eat shellfish or pork, we should not wear clothing made of mixed fibers, we must sacrifice the blood of animals before an altar to our God, we must suffer not a witch to live, and if a man lies with a man as he would with a woman their blood shall be upon their own heads. If you have a mole from which grows a white hair and a black hair you must present yourself to the priest and go into seclusion outside the camp, and if your wife has her period she must sleep outside the house in a small shelter made of sticks. Do not interbreed with those of other tribes and if someone in your tribe  breeds with someone from another tribe you should run them through with your spear for this is pleasing to the lord.


Ye, verily.


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Everything I post is fiction.

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Moonshoe]
    #21016150 -

Don't forget about the part where slavery is fine, as is beating your slaves as long as they get up within 2 days.

Oh, and that you can sell your daughter as a sex slave too.

Some good lessons.


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PLUR

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: PLURAL] * 3
    #21016160 -

Yeah bro slaves get uppity and sometimes I have too many daughters lying around.


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Everything I post is fiction.

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Moonshoe]
    #21016177 -

sacrafice the goat  :goat:


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #21016223 -

And don't forget to commit genocide and serial rape against the Amalikites.


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #21016224 -

Man do I hate those mixed fibers! Make me feel all infidel.

My gf always sleeps outside when she is on her period :shrug:

Religion :facepalm3:


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Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros...

A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #21016225 -

Don't listen to talking snakes!

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Dilsnique]
    #21016237 -

Dilsnique said:
Don't listen to talking snakes!


Don't get swallowed whole by whales!


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Dilsnique] * 1
    #21016241 -

Dilsnique said:
Don't listen to talking snakes!


Uhm, but I'm Harry Potter, that's kind of one of my things.


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PLUR

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Moonshoe]
    #21016243 -

The 10 Commandments List, Short Form
You shall have no other gods before Me.
You shall not make idols.
You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Honor your father and your mother.
You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet.

Stupid lessons...

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: PLURAL]
    #21016249 -

Treant said:
Dilsnique said:
Don't listen to talking snakes!


Uhm, but I'm Harry Potter, that's kind of one of my things.


gtfo with that heretical sorcery :kingcrankey:


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: The Ecstatic]
    #21016261 -

I am worried some of you are taking this as a big joke and feel my OP was sarcasm.

Walk on the narrow path that leads to salvation, for the way to damnation is wide any many go that way.

:raptorJesus:


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Everything I post is fiction.

Edited by Moonshoe (12/23/14 01:20 PM)

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: The Ecstatic]
    #21016272 -

The Ecstatic said:
Treant said:
Dilsnique said:
Don't listen to talking snakes!


Uhm, but I'm Harry Potter, that's kind of one of my things.


gtfo with that heretical sorcery :kingcrankey:


His story is more believable than Christianity.


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PLUR

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: PLURAL]
    #21016278 -

cognitive dissonance intensifies :raptorJesus:


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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: The Ecstatic]
    #21016337 -

"And Dumbledore returned from the mountain, and looked upon the masses that hath gathered and stated, "It's all good".
And there was much rejoicing."

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Moonshoe]
    #21016354 -

Don't forget about the part where gays are heathen.

Edit nvm, u did mention it..


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https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: zZZz] * 1
    #21016376 -

If your brother dies have sex with his wife. But always cum inside her.

If you use the pull out method God will kill you.


https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+38%3A6-10&version=NIV

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: The Ecstatic]
    #21016385 -

The Ecstatic said:
cognitive dissonance intensifies :raptorJesus:


Are you saying I am experiencing cognitive dissonance?


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PLUR

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Confucian]
    #21016387 -

That onan was a shneaky little guy


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https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv

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Re: Lessons from the old testament [Re: Confucian]
    #21016391 -

:rofl: oops just spilled my seed on the ground


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Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros...

A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.


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