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what i learned in church on easter
    #18036898 -

1) Jesus can free you of your addiction to alcohol and drugs
2) Days like today are the ones you realize just how much you need Jesus
3) Jesus requires 10% of his followers bank accounts to continue spreading his message

Happy Easter :bunny:

what did you learn in church today

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: SoreSpore] * 2
    #18036900 -

I don't attend church.
I just nurture an intimate relationship with my one true saviour, my one and only awesome God.
He's real, I've got a picture of him. Here he is



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A Hella Heady List of My Favorite Shroomy People - Click Here!

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme] * 1
    #18036926 -

Now that's a god I can worship.


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The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: SoreSpore]
    #18036931 -

SoreSpore said:
3) Jesus requires 10% of his followers bank accounts to continue spreading his message



:lol: Gotta love the Church guilt with the collection plate.

There was a story in the news paper the other day about a church being boycotted for this Easter. For the last year the pastor was passing out the collection plate to "Benefit the church, and make much needed repairs."

three months later he pulled up for Sunday service in his brand new 2013 Chrysler 200.

He tried saying that his old car was falling apart, and wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep it much longer, and be able to commute to services, so it was neccesary for him to purchase this 22 thousand dollar car.

But hey... it's all for Jesus!

Honestly, church wouldn't be that bad if they didn't throw in the good ol fashion Christian Guilt, and that damn collection plate. Run a book sale like everyone else.


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To find yourself alone, is to find yourself with your greatest friend, and your worst enemy.

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: goldcaphunter] * 1
    #18036934 -

One day when I was 12 years old and an aspiring atheist my mother took me to church. The whole sermon was on why they should give the church money. Compared the profit of their church with others, the decline in money they're receiving, and the amounts the average person has been donating to their church. No singing, no praising, a few passages related to money and communism.

That is the day I told mom that if she ever took me back I would recite satanic prayers to everyone there.


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Your god is dead, and I killed him.

When you’re lost, here I am. Forever with your soul


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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: SoreSpore] * 1
    #18036953 -

SoreSpore said:
1) Jesus can free you of your addiction to alcohol and drugs
2) Days like today are the ones you realize just how much you need Jesus
3) Jesus requires 10% of his followers bank accounts to continue spreading his message

Happy Easter :bunny:

what did you learn in church today


I learned that I don't go to church, unless my house is a church and my desktop is a preacher. :omgz:

Fortunately, easter is a pagan holiday, so I am free to participate in this ancient celebration of fertility by masturbating to internet porn. :whacker:


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Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.


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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #18036956 -

Don't forget the liquor.
:drunkdriver:


As you might have noticed, I'm drinking a lot this weekend.
Even by my standards. Because fuck


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A Hella Heady List of My Favorite Shroomy People - Click Here!

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme]
    #18036968 -

one time in church I learned babies go to hell

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: LittleDipster] * 3
    #18036971 -

Only if they were aborted.
:elmo:


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A Hella Heady List of My Favorite Shroomy People - Click Here!

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme] * 1
    #18037015 -

sVs said:
Only if they were aborted.
:elmo:


No no. The Catholics believe you don't sin until you are 7 years old.
While I believe the bible states it's after 1 month of birth.

(7 Is supposedly the age of reason.)

That's why the westboro baptist church wanted to protest the memorial for the Newtown kids. They were mostly under 7 and going to hell!


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To find yourself alone, is to find yourself with your greatest friend, and your worst enemy.

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: DarkElf]
    #18037057 -

I'm sitting at my girlfriends grandparents house with her entire extended family of christians. The christians that believe in the literal interpretation of the bible. Its hard to understand how they can be so convinced of complete and utter nonsense.:facepalm3:

Days like these make whiskey taste so much better.

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme] * 1
    #18037090 -

sVs said:
I don't attend church.
I just nurture an intimate relationship with my one true saviour, my one and only awesome God.
He's real, I've got a picture of him. Here he is




I'm sorry you have such a cheap and poor tasting savior, this is your eternal soul we are talking about. You might want to step it up a bit.


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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: The Vapor]
    #18037097 -

When you drink as much as I do, your weekly budget comes out shy of $230 a week just on whiskey.
Throw in another $80-100 for cigarettes. While I do enjoy a glass of Port Ellen 30yr on occasion, it's not something I would be able to drink daily.
And still pay my bills, anyway.

I'm sure you're a real connoisseur of fine whiskeys, though.
Tell me about your favourite bottle of Johnnie Walker.


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A Hella Heady List of My Favorite Shroomy People - Click Here!

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: SoreSpore] * 3
    #18037101 -

Here's what I learned from Easter church services:

1) Most Christians don't know Easter is a pagan holiday and refuse to believe it if you tell them.

2) Most Christians get offended if you get up and leave the service to smoke cigarettes every half hour, especially when you're sitting up front.

3) Even if you smoke an entire joint before going to church, it will not make the shitty worship music any better.

Oh well, at least nobody invites me to these things anymore.


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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme]
    #18037124 -

sVs said:
When you drink as much as I do, your weekly budget comes out shy of $230 a week just on whiskey.
Throw in another $80-100 for cigarettes. While I do enjoy a glass of Port Ellen 30yr on occasion, it's not something I would be able to drink daily.
And still pay my bills, anyway.

I'm sure you're a real connoisseur of fine whiskeys, though.
Tell me about your favourite bottle of Johnnie Walker.


The one that does the little dance for you and entertains you as you drink.


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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: RiderOnTheStorm]
    #18037215 -

RiderOnTheStorm said:
Here's what I learned from Easter church services:

1) Most Christians don't know Easter is a pagan holiday and refuse to believe it if you tell them.

2) Most Christians get offended if you get up and leave the service to smoke cigarettes every half hour, especially when you're sitting up front.

3) Even if you smoke an entire joint before going to church, it will not make the shitty worship music any better.

Oh well, at least nobody invites me to these things anymore.


:lolsy:


That had to be damn awkward

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: DarkElf] * 2
    #18037250 -

DarkElf said:
sVs said:
Only if they were aborted.
:elmo:


No no. The Catholics believe you don't sin until you are 7 years old.
While I believe the bible states it's after 1 month of birth.

(7 Is supposedly the age of reason.)

That's why the westboro baptist church wanted to protest the memorial for the Newtown kids. They were mostly under 7 and going to hell!



no, westboro wanted to protest that shit for the same reason they do all the
others, because they're attention whoring, inbred idiots


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: RiderOnTheStorm]
    #18037261 -

RiderOnTheStorm said:
Here's what I learned from Easter church services:

1) Most Christians don't know Easter is a pagan holiday and refuse to believe it if you tell them.



false. the vernal equinox is the 'pagan' holiday, easter doesnt fall on the equinox


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California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: something super extreme]
    #18037278 -

sVs said:
Don't forget the liquor.
:drunkdriver:


As you might have noticed, I'm drinking a lot this weekend.
Even by my standards. Because fuck


Randy, I am the liquor.


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Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation.

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Re: what i learned in church on easter [Re: Prisoner#1] * 1
    #18037293 -

actually he's right about that, traditionally Easter has absolutely nothing to do with the "resurrection" of christ.... it represents the 'crossification' of the sun through the vernal equinox. Christians 'borrowed' it from Pagans and then changed things a little.


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