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Police officers in Dallas are on the brink of a major breakthrough: they're going to figure out what drug "Molly" is and where you're getting it.

    In North Texas and across the country there is a dangerous designer drug. It's not really new, but it's gaining popularity and is being laced through the lyrics of hip-hop music.

    The street name for the drug is Molly. It has a long chemical name that's usually shortened to MDMA. Sometimes it's snorted or taken in capsule form. Other times the powder is wrapped in tissue and swallowed.

I will freely admit that my youth was more given over to "riding my bike to friends' houses" and "reading a lot of Timothy Zahn novels" than drug-fueled partygoing, but even I know more about Molly than the average Dallas narcotics officer. Let's take a closer look.

Is Molly a woman? Is she friends with Jay-Z?

    When Jay-Z and other rappers reference Molly in their music they mean more than the girl next door. "It's a very dangerous drug that I'm afraid people can die of and have died in the past," said Dr. Stephen Garrison from Caron Treatment Centers.

What is Molly? Is it the same thing as Ecstasy? What about meth?

    The street name for the drug is Molly. It has a long chemical name that's usually shortened to MDMA. Sometimes it's snorted or taken in capsule form. Other times the powder is wrapped in tissue and swallowed.

Hmm. That's a lot. Can you confuse the issue for us a little more?

    "It's marketed because they want these children to use it. They want them to buy it. They make it seem cool. It's not as dangerous as meth, but it's the exact same drug," said Sgt. Danny, a Dallas police narcotics officer.

So it is meth, but better for you. The same, but different. Neither confounding the Substances; nor dividing the Essence, for there is one Person of Molly, another of Meth, and another of Ecstasy, which is MDMA. But they are all one; the Glory equal, the Majesty coeternal. The Molly uncreated, the Meth uncreated, and the Ecstasy uncreated. And yet they are not three eternals; but one eternal. As also there are not three uncreated; nor three infinites, but one uncreated; and one infinite.

(Meth and MDMA are not the same thing, although MDMA is a derivative of amphetamines.)

What does a Molly user look like?

    They [narcotics officers] said at dance parties it is not uncommon to see people in clothes or glasses asking, "Have you seen Molly?"

Watch out for people wearing clothes, watch out for people in glasses. Don't discount the possibility that some of them might be wearing clothes and glasses both, at the same time, just to throw you off. Clothes people. Glasses people. Asking people. Standing, sitting. Legs, too. They've got those. If a person can get Molly, you'd better believe they can get legs. How many? You don't want to know.

Where do people go when they want to talk about Molly?

    The officers said Molly is not just being talked about in music. "The same kids that are at the clubs taking it, they are talking about it on Facebook."

"Hello."

"Oh, hello."

"Don't I know you from club?"

"Actually, you know me from music. This is Facebook."

"Oh, I see. Most apologize."

"Please not. Won't you "like" my drugs?"

"Are they Molly?"

"Yes, very Molly. Have you any clothes?"

"Only for glasses."

"Oh, most."

"Good Facebook!"

"Good Facebook to you too."

Are there any more numbers you can give us that might help?

    They said some of the girls they see taking the drug are as young as 15.

    "Sometimes the clubs shut down at 4 o'clock in the morning and then they'll go to the after party until 6, 7, 8 o'clock in the morning and I don't know what these girls are telling their parents. Maybe that they are at a friend's house or whatever," Detective Mike said.

Some of these 15-year-olds, they were just 14 last year. Who knows what next year will bring. And the mornings? They're full of hours. They go all the way up to 9, 10, even 11. Sometimes further. What would you tell your parents?

Sounds good. Now take us home.

    Dallas police have been out everywhere they think the drug is looking for it.

"You is smart. You is kind. You is important," added one of the officers, seemingly confused, before bursting into tears and being led out of the interview. "You is Molly. I am Molly?"

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Some of these 15-year-olds, they were just 14 last year.

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And the mornings? They're full of hours.

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"You is smart. You is kind. You is important," added one of the officers, seemingly confused, before bursting into tears and being led out of the interview. "You is Molly. I am Molly?"

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MystiqueMushroom said:

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Some of these 15-year-olds, they were just 14 last year.

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And the mornings? They're full of hours.

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"You is smart. You is kind. You is important," added one of the officers, seemingly confused, before bursting into tears and being led out of the interview. "You is Molly. I am Molly?"

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MystiqueMushroom said:

Also MDMA causes brain damage don't do it often

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K1ngSp4de said:

I feel dumber after reading this.

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"It's marketed because they want these children to use it. They want them to buy it. They make it seem cool. It's not as dangerous as meth, but it's the exact same drug," said Sgt. Danny, a Dallas police narcotics officer.

So it is meth, but better for you. The same, but different. Neither confounding the Substances; nor dividing the Essence, for there is one Person of Molly, another of Meth, and another of Ecstasy, which is MDMA. But they are all one; the Glory equal, the Majesty coeternal. The Molly uncreated, the Meth uncreated, and the Ecstasy uncreated. And yet they are not three eternals; but one eternal. As also there are not three uncreated; nor three infinites, but one uncreated; and one infinite.

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Connoisseur said:

This article is clearly a joke

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K1ngSp4de said:

I feel dumber after reading this.

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Connoisseur said:

This article is clearly a joke

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