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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience
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Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time
    #11120918 -

well, i had already said goodbye a few years ago. I had fell for the most amazing person in the world and had to give it up. Its just something she would never accept.

I sacraficed alot to be with her, and so did she to be with me.

But somehow something went wrong. I blame her anti-depressents. thats when it seemed to go all wrong. She decided to start coming off them. After a while, kept saying she wanted to move on her own, its the best for us, i need some space otherwise we will end up splitting.

Well she did move out, pretty much next door. emitional distrought but i was assured wed see each other al the time. didnt happen, was lucky if it were twice a week. Left alone and in financial shit.

Anyway i used this now free time to occupy myself growing mushrooms again. With great success with what i had to hand (which wasnt much, the cheapest anyone has probably ever grown. like i spent max £15 and grew a decent amount)

I had some nice trips. Gave some to friends.

I recently started extracting DMT, and had a very powerfull and amazing experience (while not quite a breakthroiugh)..

Well, she got more distant. And started texting me saying this isnt fair on you, i cant give yoiu what i want when im like this maybe we shouldnt see each other anymore.

But i refused to let go, i would say its ok i dont expect anything.

1 day when i was at work, she text me while my phone was cut of and had no way of replying untill later when i could get on the internet. Saying, this isnt fair on you, i cant give you want you want. Its making yoiu unhappy.

The next day i managed to go round and see her and she basicaly said she jsut cant be in a relationship just now but we can still be friends.

But it seems like thats not even going to happen. she wont talk to me unless i text or email, and even when she does reply, its brief short sentences. She claims she just wants to be alone and doesnt really want to talk to anyone. Which i believe for the most part, buyt i do know she goes out now and then and has been talking to other people.

I've been left empty, scared and unable to cope. its getting to the point that a doctor would consider me severly depressed. Almost every day i have cried, and i have even cried for over 12 hours straight.

I want to help, but she wont let me. I say its not permenant, and i get we'll see.

I had already decided to stop growing as it was getting risky. But now i cant even endulge. My mind would probably snap and its very close right now.


So to sum up, im complelty heartbroken, alone and financialy fucked. I can only see 3 things happening

I get taken to jail (council tax & income tax bills)
Die from heart failure
Somehow manage to get through it - and live unhappy and souless a little longer.

Now, die from heart failure may sound extreme, but i really do believe you can die from a broken heart. Im so broken that it physically hurts, in my chest. My heart feels like its struggling to beat, ive even had sharp pains.

Im pretty sure that this is it for me with psychadelics. I certainly wont be in any state to use them for a long time. And even if things get patched up with me and her, i wont be able to do them because its just the way she is.


I really fucking hate doctors, anti-depressents arnt supposed to be prescribed long term, there only supposed to be for a year, yet she's been on them for what probably 10.

I feel, that the only relief that i will have is in passing away. Leaving this world to a better place. No matter where i go in this world ill still have nothing.

I fear i hav lost the 1 thing i cant afford to loose.

True love brings pain and suffering.

goodbye mushrooms, LSD, DMT.


--------------------

PF TEK - writeup by EvilMushroom666
Lets Grow Mushrooms - RogerRabbit & RoadKills website with sample videos plus the full PF TEK video series. Alot of great information - BUY THE DVD
Cakes can and will pin! - So you think cakes suck for pins. Your wrong
Franks Simple Coir/Verm Tek
Franks Proper Pasturisation Tek
Franks Spawning To Bulk - Monotub
Professor Pinheads RTV Injection Port Tek
Foo Mans No Soak WBS Prep Tek

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11120988 -

Yeah man that's a shitty situation. It seems like you two are already broken up she just doesn't have the guts to tell you it's over. Half a year ago when me and my gf of a year and a half broke up I was severely depressed, cried all the time, and felt that physical pain. I also couldn't indulge in psychedelics for quite some time because I was just soo unhappy. That went on for several months! But know what, I'm awesome now, I'm better than ever. Give it time my friend.

You will heal though, if she doesn't want you she's not the right one. Maybe you could solve some of your money issues with your skills in psychedelic procuring?

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11121010 -

Wow.

How long were you with her?

But, mostly...... Stop trying to make it happen with her.... she is obviously done.... and anything you think you are seeing as a sign of "she needs me" is your own broken heart or her own little games............

Pay your bills the best you can.

Maybe try getting a new job, maybe even be new chicks.

Life isnt over yet, unfortunatly, you will not die from being broke or heart broken, you get to keep on living in this wretched world, But dont worry, be happy, the assumption is that it always gets better, and if you dont believe that, think of this, as bad as it feels right now.... is about as bad as it will get.

...unless you are seriously thinking suicide is an option.... in which case I recomend you talk to a doctor.

I feel bad for ya man, Good luck and God bless. :sad:

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Glenners]
    #11121017 -

this makes me sad to hear :sad: but stay positive, something will get better in your life, it's too unlikely to remain unbalanced for so long in terms of karma and all that good shit


--------------------

i am caustic

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: silosighbin]
    #11121087 -

Do you have any hobbies in life other than psychedelics or this girl? 
Go exercise a bit man. Seriously.. Exercise has benefits beyond the obvious.

It's stress relief, muscle conditioning, and just plain healthy for you. Go out for a walk. Go out for a jog. GO OUTSIDE! Do anything other than sit around and sulk in your misery.

It sucks that this isn't working out for you but try reading a dictionary (just kidding) and go find something to do.

BUmming around on the internet all day is not going to help you at all..

Hang out with friends (if you have any) or make new ones (if you don't have any)..

Take care of yourself man! NOBODY ELSE WILL! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

attitude is everything


--------------------
ந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ரந=க=ர

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: floatingwater]
    #11121256 -

we wernt just going out, we were engaged and i said she would have kids because thats what shes being wanting forever.

we were seeing each other for a year and a half. Doesnt sound long but how we got together was rather un-usual. shes been a friend since i was in college. She was my ex's best friend. Cut a long story shortm she was back home for christmas, all went a night out got really drnk, 3some came up conversation.

Well that happened a few days later (shes bi) alot of fun, and it happened again a few days later. she went back to manchester and we couldnt stop texting each other, so me and my ex went to stay with  her for 2 week, when we left to go home she was absolutly heart broken that i was going, i could see it, and i felt the same.

She then came to visit us for 2 weeks, we thought this could be a 3 way relationship, but things didnt work out well and i knew that i wasnt really inlove with my ex. I had fallen in love with her that first night we had together. my ex noticed somethin wasnt right, and i said i couldnt be with her. blah blah blah. she went back to manchester in a bad state of mind. there were lots of scary moments that she would text in a state, had taken too many sleeping pils, wasnt sleeping, even 1 time she had cut herself. i had quite a few scares, even panic attacks.

so i went to hers myself (i was still iving with ex at the time) and said ill have to think.

while with her in manchester, we had the most unbelievable time, honestly i cannot describe the connection we had,more powerfull than any drug.

well i kept delaying telling what i had decided and she found out something she shouldnt have, not the way she did. i lost my charger for my phone, so i was out of contact with joanne, really scared and upset about this (as she has depression and with everything that was going on its not a good thing) i wake up with my phone smashing against the wall. her story is she was trying to help by trying a charger she found and switched my phone on and a mesage poped up.

anyway

moved ou t, lift in a warehouse for a bit until i got a place, and joanne moved back to where i live now, bt that was a bit of a problem, as it was where she moved away from because it was too much for her (bad childhood) but things were still great.

fastforward, decides to come off tablets, dosage gets reduced, and shes a bit more distant, wants more and more own space. wants to move out on her own for a while, promises things will get better. and now to the present day.


I cannot emphasis what we both felt with each other. what i experienced, ill never have anything close. if im ever with someone else it wouldnt be fair..


--------------------

PF TEK - writeup by EvilMushroom666
Lets Grow Mushrooms - RogerRabbit & RoadKills website with sample videos plus the full PF TEK video series. Alot of great information - BUY THE DVD
Cakes can and will pin! - So you think cakes suck for pins. Your wrong
Franks Simple Coir/Verm Tek
Franks Proper Pasturisation Tek
Franks Spawning To Bulk - Monotub
Professor Pinheads RTV Injection Port Tek
Foo Mans No Soak WBS Prep Tek

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11121463 -

Take some LSD and see what you really want and what you really need. Then decide


--------------------
"May the long-time sun shine upon you
And all love surround you
And the clear light within you
Guide your way home."

"Its never too late to start beefing up your obituary"- The Most Interesting Man in the World

:aum:

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Agent MadHatter]
    #11121672 -

Sometimes you gotta know when to move on dude. I know you may think this chick is the world or whatever, but seriously- move on, keep living life. You'll think of her less and less each day until the day comes where you don't think of her at all... and then one day you'll be like "ex girlfriend who?"

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Subconscious]
    #11121872 -

i really dont know. it may seem like someone in that situation should just move on and forget.

But she really is something very special, its just heartbreaking that her depression gets in the way, its not the first time either.

I have a very good reason for thinking that she is the one and only aswell. She's always been in love with me since the first time she met me, but at the time i had a girlfriend, and she just decided that if it was going to happpen it would happen. She even admitted that she had almost said my name while having sex with other guys.

She kept quiet for almost 10 years.


--------------------

PF TEK - writeup by EvilMushroom666
Lets Grow Mushrooms - RogerRabbit & RoadKills website with sample videos plus the full PF TEK video series. Alot of great information - BUY THE DVD
Cakes can and will pin! - So you think cakes suck for pins. Your wrong
Franks Simple Coir/Verm Tek
Franks Proper Pasturisation Tek
Franks Spawning To Bulk - Monotub
Professor Pinheads RTV Injection Port Tek
Foo Mans No Soak WBS Prep Tek

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11121938 -

you are handling it better then some. my brother drank a bunch of bleach once after his fiancee threatened to leave him. He didn't die, he just got stuck with huge bills and a loss of taste for a good 2 weeks.

Giving up drugs at the moment is a smart move. There is no obligation to it. you obviously have tripped enough to know if it would be a good idea to be shot back into space. find your grounds here on earth and then return if you wish. things generally have a funny way of working out. you will be laughing before you know it..just stay optimistic.

depression usually is just a long dreadful road to realizing that there isn't anything to be depressed about(easier said than done, I know) but I know it holds truth


--------------------
If there were no rewards to reap,No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen hereI certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11122523 -

veda_sticks said:
But she really is something very special, its just heartbreaking that her depression gets in the way, its not the first time either.



That's what they all say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If it's not working move on. Otherwise your just wasting time, you have a life to live and if you're not happy with your situation it's time to make a change.

It may be hard to hear, but seriously... there comes a time when you have to just get on with things.

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Subconscious]
    #11122622 -

Love is a little bit of giving, a little bit of taking.

You knew what you were getting into, everyone has relationships, and everyone gets over them. You're not alone, and you'll be fine.

Get outside, enjoy the trees, enjoy the sun.


--------------------
the greatest use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: tempingasashaman]
    #11123677 -

OP, is this post serious?

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11123796 -

you need a breakthrough mushroom experience. and also, dont smoke any weed for the time being. that tends to be nothing but a quick fix in terms of depression.


--------------------
     

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Lucas89]
    #11123872 -

when girls say that, there probably doing other boyzzz


--------------------
A weekend wasted is never a wasted weekend

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: BiG_StroOnZ]
    #11124000 -

BiG_StroOnZ said:
OP, is this post serious?


yes its very serious

The strangest thing happend when i went to bed last night. I got a very brief weird sensation in my chest where my heart was. Not quite pain but a strong sensatin that went right through my body that frigthened me.

Almost like my heart skipped a beat or froze for a second.

I was seeing patterns with my eyes closed for a while after that.


--------------------

PF TEK - writeup by EvilMushroom666
Lets Grow Mushrooms - RogerRabbit & RoadKills website with sample videos plus the full PF TEK video series. Alot of great information - BUY THE DVD
Cakes can and will pin! - So you think cakes suck for pins. Your wrong
Franks Simple Coir/Verm Tek
Franks Proper Pasturisation Tek
Franks Spawning To Bulk - Monotub
Professor Pinheads RTV Injection Port Tek
Foo Mans No Soak WBS Prep Tek

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: veda_sticks]
    #11124761 -

dude i hope you're not serious about thinking you'll get heart failure from being depressed over your ex


--------------------

i am caustic

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: silosighbin]
    #11124923 -

Let me say this in the only way I know how, you are a stage five clinger and she wants you to fuck off.

Go find a woman who WANTS to be with you. Why allow someones depression to affect you. Being around depressed people can wear off on you.


--------------------


Opiate free since 8/26/10 :thumbup:

Opiate free since 6/22/11 :thumbup: :sun: :thumbup:

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Legalize]
    #11125415 -

Legalize said:
..Why allow someones depression to affect you. Being around depressed people can wear off on you.


Yes is definitely can. My ex gf was depressed all the time for absolutely no reason, she just hated life. I'm sooo much happier without her even though I'm single, whatever I can finally be myself HAPPY!

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Re: Goodbye psycadelics - for the 2nd time [Re: Glenners]
    #11125752 -

Man I wish you the best of luck!!! Im sure you will get thru all of this and when you will think about this you will probably laugh :thumbup:


--------------------
What is a mind, if not something to be messed with? What is consciousness, if not a state to be altered?

~I Feel
:mushroom2:
at Home~

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