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Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Feminized Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head.
    #9460500 -

I realize this is a horrible place to ask for advice but I like you guys and perhaps this thread will contain a bit of something useful or make me laugh somehow.

So I'm a girl and I've been sweating this guy I met online for like 3 years.  Not joking, it has literally been just short of three years right now.

Things never really happened between us other than in their online sense I guess.  We used to chat all the time, phone calls with hot hot phone sex, etc.  I did invite him to come visit a few times, and also offered to go there to visit with nothing ever coming of it even though he also spoke of visiting me a few times himself. 

Anyway I'm not even sure what happened but over the past year we stopped talking as much, I don't know if it was life that got in the way or what.  Every so often though we would both be around and talk like we used to.  I guess because of this and my own selfish feelings this has given me hope that maybe there is still a chance that him and I will work out into something real, or at least have a chance at developing a relationship like that.

Flash forward to a few days ago when I contact him via text for a simple what's up because he hasn't been online for a month and none of our mutual friends seemed to notice he was MIA too.  Anyway I find out he has actually moved across the country to kind of move in with some chick.  As soon as he said that I just stopped texting, I was taken aback, confused and a bit hurt but mostly I figured I'd just leave him alone.  Through the night though he calls me for a few moments, then later on texts me about his girl trippin on him for talking to me which she overheard.  I offer to stop texting and he says don't and a few other things that allude to him being annoyed she was tripping and him maybe not sticking around where he moved to and also a few things about visiting me where I live.

It's been a few days though, since we both passed out that night we haven't texted or talked since.  I don't know if it really is actually appropriate for me to continue to contact him in this case or just finally say goodbye to him and let him do his thing with the chick. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of the fact he's with her and that I have feelings for him which probably influence how I feel about the whole situation and desire for it's potential outcome too.

Anyway I've been staring at my phone trying to not call him or text him, I've almost tried both a few times, but still haven't decided what is appropriate.

If anyone actually read this and can throw some advice or words out that might help me I would much appreciate it.  I am actually horrible at the dating thing, and I haven't even been laid in almost three years since pretty much this whole ordeal began.  It's pretty fail.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9460526 -

forget about him, hes not worth your emotions
you need to step up to the plate, go out and find a real BF
be confident, trust me finding a good man is NOT hard, just takes some effort
go outside, dont talk online, or at least try an internet dating site

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #9460535 -

Try http://eharmony.com

Its the #1 trusted!

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #9461571 -

I don't know how I feel about an online dating site, I met this guy because we had similar interests and managed to meet up based upon those outside a dating site.  It just happened to be online instead of IRL.

I agree about finding a real BF.  Dude confuses me, and maybe it shouldn't even be so confusing.  Obviously if it were to work out I guess he wouldn't be living across the other side of the country with another chick now. 

I feel pretty stupid for stumbling over this, over and over again.  Trying to say goodbye and just move past the feelings I have for him and wanting him in my life is not something new around here.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9461685 -

hello,
it's very difficult in some moments of our lifes say: "ok, it's the time to change page, i can't continue in this way".

As i said it's very hard, but you MUST do it if you love a bit yourself.

Or you try to change page or you want to be bad, and from what i've heard from you love yourself.

So don't worry about anything and change the page of your life.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9462010 -

That sucks, I've heard this story many times. This is the kind of shit that happens with online/long distance relationships, and it will always happen.

I don't want to put you down, but 3 years is a long time. I can understand building attachment to someone over that time, but without knowing them its just that. It is a fictional character you've created on the internet.

Not every time, but almost every time people meet in real life after knowing eachother online things get weird. You have time to think online, you can hide your appearance on the phone, you can bailout with excuses, you dont have the physical chemistry.

Not to say this is always the case, cause I know many happy people who found eachother online, but that is paired with real life encounters aswell.

It's hard as fuck to say goodbye, but it can't be as hard as if the relationship was taken to the next step.

I would honestly cut your losses, but that is just me. You are female, so you have the advantage always.

Hope everything works out.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #9462044 -

long distance = never works.

never. this is from experience.

you can still be friends, but its best you find someone in real life who you can connect with. this may not be as hard as it sounds, just get out and make new friends.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #9462102 -

Do I tell him I'm moving on and goodbye, or do I just let it fall silent and I guess...not respond if he contacts me in the future at any time?  I don't really know if I have to/should say something to him or if he would even want to hear it. 

I worry about this because it happened before where I thought I was doing good, I actually had someone that became a friend and piqued my interest as a potential something more but then this guy got back in touch with me and I started to shy away from the other guy.  Perhaps more determination to move on will help avoid this situation again, but I can't deny that it could be so easy to just fall right back to where it is comfortable and what I know because I have done exactly that before.

We share a lot of close friends too, since we've known each other for a few years now and have gotten to know some of each others friends very well, which kind of sucks for this type of thing too. 

I also want to say that I really appreciate all the words everyone has shared in this thread.  Thank you.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9462216 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Do I tell him I'm moving on and goodbye, or do I just let it fall silent and I guess...not respond if he contacts me in the future at any time?  I don't really know if I have to/should say something to him or if he would even want to hear it. 

I worry about this because it happened before where I thought I was doing good, I actually had someone that became a friend and piqued my interest as a potential something more but then this guy got back in touch with me and I started to shy away from the other guy.  Perhaps more determination to move on will help avoid this situation again, but I can't deny that it could be so easy to just fall right back to where it is comfortable and what I know because I have done exactly that before.

We share a lot of close friends too, since we've known each other for a few years now and have gotten to know some of each others friends very well, which kind of sucks for this type of thing too. 

I also want to say that I really appreciate all the words everyone has shared in this thread.  Thank you.



if you still want to talk i don't see why not. just remember that your feelings are something you have built an attachment to and its time to let those go, but that doesn't mean you have to lose your friend. sometimes we fall in love with the idea of a person. i know i have been guilty of that mistake before. not surprisingly it was a long distance relationship.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #9466244 -

contact rodfarva via pm.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #9468315 -

I've lived this life before.  It's just so difficult to have a relationship when it's strictly online.  IF it was meant to be, then you would have met in real life.  I know real emotions and friendships can develop but you are chained (persay) to a computer or phone in order to keep such a relationship.

You deserve much better than this.

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Re: Need some advice, or maybe a kick in the head. [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #9468461 -

You should of taken the hint when he didn't want to visit you. You lucked out :\ I guess next time you find someone you really like and have a connection with jump in. Wanna has phone seks btw? I'm good :wink:

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