I've never really been "normal", I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was younger, and even though I have virtually NO memory of my childhood, and not that great of a memory now. I stopped going to public school in the 6th grade because my mom got sick of fighting me hardcore (sometimes kicking and screaming) to school all the time and was homeschooled for a bit.
Friends that I have an occasional drink with now that I haven't really hung out with, but went to gradeschool with, seem to always mention how I had extremely bad impulse control. I never was socially acceptable, but I'm doing a lot better now as long as I have enough sleep and try to focus on acting normal.
About 2 years ago when I started going back to public school, I wouldn't ever think of anything, it would just come out of my mouth. I got a word in my head about something and some crazy shit would just spew out without me thinking through what I was going to say.
I don't remember what my grades were in grade school, but they blow right now. I have a very low C in my favorite class, and as far as I know that's my highest grade. It's a combination of a few things:
Not ever showing up, I don't see a reason to, honestly. Never studying, I try but I can't keep focused long enough. I hate studying. It also probably has something to do with my retartedness in general. Other people get some things faster than me, and I get things faster than other people. Just depends on what it is. I'm a senior, and didn't graduate with my class. This year, I've missed a total of 91 hours. These are my current grades: 62, 50, 98, 67, 60, 56, 61, 78, 81
They've dropped since then, that was just my last progress report. The 98 is homeroom.
I've tried strattera (gave bad effects, felt like my prostate was being stabbed when I coughed), for about a week, 2 or 3 years ago.
I tried adderall last year, couldn't stand the crash.
I'm on concerta right now, 18mg, and I like how it helps me.. but if I don't have coffee at night then It's harder for me to function. My memory gets fucked, etc. Worse than not taking anything.
Coffee is my drug of choice, and I hate taking concerta because it's a stimulant. My DR said that me taking it helps, but I don't see how doing speed day after day could be helpful for your brain.
When I started writing this, I was going to ask what I could do as far as pharma free natural remedies because I was having severe thoughts of suicide and the general "I'm a piece of shit feeling".
Now I have my normal not give a fuck, I'm a piece of shit state of mind, but without depression.
I've tried to force myself into a happier and more positive mindset, but it only lasts as long as I'm faking it.
I try to be peaceful but usually only end up being a dick.
PS: I do have a job that I've never missed a day of, I do a good job at it, and only been late to 2 times for the 4 months I've worked there.
I've read that proper exercise and diet helps, but I have _NO_ willpower unless I'm high or had a drink, but I don't smoke anymore.
I try to exercise, and it lasts for a day. I don't even bother trying to diet, because when I see food my mind just blocks out any diet plans from before. I'm definitely not healthy, but not extremely overweight. I'm 6'6 and 260 lbs, so there's a little extra weight I'm moderately fat.
I even started a "changelog" when I had a drink one night, to document my positive changes, it's right here beside me, pen and all. it has 2 entries: The one I wrote the night I started it, and the one I wrote the next day. Not sure why I'm not writing in it. This week I have 3 hours of free time between school and work, and I still haven't touched it. Why? Not sure, probably the second option on the poll.
Any advice is appreciated. Need me to answer any questions? Just ask.
Thanks
Votes accepted from 11/12/08 06:22 PM until the end of time
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