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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Toddo]
    #7280378 -

Aliens living hidden among us, striving to come face to face with their sentient creation.
A moment when one mans mind, in a mixed emotional state of love, fear, and death, becomes the catalyst of universal consciousness.
And finally a semi-tragic ending.

Bravo, friend. Your story portrayed itself well. There were spelling errors, but that is something that neither offends or distracts me. There were three or four awkward sentences, but I can tell you that the whole work read fluidly and concise nonetheless.

This fits well into my tastes. Please sir, write another.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7281019 -

Greetings joe. Thanks for the words! I'm actually really happy to hear it made sense. I must confess I don't write a whole lot. I'm much more of a reader. Its only the last couple months that I've got back into writing. Its a rewarding and very personal art form.

I'll see if I can get another story written.


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Toddo]
    #7281290 -

It was in the autumn dawn, I recall, when I saw wholly the most terrifying event of my of my existence.

Near the backwoods of my 37 acre property in northern Minnesota I was hiking casually. I prefer fog to any other type of weather, and night to daylight; 4 a.m. offers a quiet dark environment, save the leaves having been crushed under my steel tipped Wolverines. It is a form of mediation, walking aimlessly. With a heavy white haze visible only by an ebbing crescent moon that periodically passes its light through the dense, tall pines, the land becomes unearthly, and I fall into a deep state of primal awareness. The imagination begins to wander in such mysterious ways: faces appear in dark niches of terrain, especially in the distant, nearly ghostlike trees. Alien sounds occur faintly and seldom, yet near enough to arouse adrenaline inspired reactions. I was lost.

The cabin was far south of me, I think. I had hiked randomly away from it nearly two hours before.
'Splash!...'
Looking down, I noticed a substance resembling something like oil. It smelled awful, rotten. Lifting my boot out of the murk, I noticed it was a small puddle which continued out to what I only saw as a lakelet, perhaps 10, 15 feet deep at its center. Considering the foulness of the stagnant pond, I decided not to pursue my interest in the new discovery, and looked for a way around.
'Splash!...' occurred a distance from me. Well away from me even. 'SPLASH..." much louder. The water at my boots rippled gently. My body froze suddenly, as if it were ready to flee or fight. I didn't want to say anything until I knew it was necessary to make loud noises. I just stood there, in this murk, in this void of black fog, silent and waiting. SPLASH!!.... the sound became a sloshing, like some kind of creature was struggling to get out of the water we were both in. The water rippled at my feet. I quickly thought, "Alligator", and out of sheer terror took several leaping steps back, out of the water and back on dry land.
"Fuck this, I'm going home, " I said under my breath, yet, I didn't move. I stood there, listening to the restless sloshing of that odorous pond. I was enthralled by the excitement. I had made it out of the water ok. Slowly I made way around the brim of the murky shore water. My hands rested from tree to tree, guiding my through what seemed to be an impossible hazy blackness. The tress completely blocked out what little light the moon had to offer me.

The sound came much sooner than I expected again, as I was behind a large tree. SPPPLASHHH. "ummmph..."

It was human! 'Holy shit', what the fuck is someone doing this deep in the woods at 4 in the morning, splashing around in a filthy, grotesque lake? I knew now not to say a word, there was no way I had mistaken the sound. It was a human moan. I was here, in the middle of nowhere with someone who is obviously insane, or severely injured. "Oh my God, the man is injured," I thought to myself. With a silent haste I forced myself around the perimeter of the tree and glanced at where the sound had emanated. Puzzled at first I noticed a silhouette of a man on his knees in the murk. He was hunched over something floating, oozing out into the water.
'Splash!....' the man dug his face into the mass before him. My eyes focused and I saw what looked to be a human head. Its flesh was torn from its one visible cheek, the lips torn off. The eyes reflected a trace of moonlight, before the head was lifted by a force pulling at its neck, and they disappeared under the water. The thing ripped a piece of flesh brutally from the neck of the corpse. Small streams of blood parted the water, distinctly, and unnaturally, like any foreign chemical. I caught a glimpse of the mans face as he consumed this other person. He lifted his head and faced it my direction. The moon appeared shining in his two eyes. He faced me and stared for a moment. I was motionless. 'He cannot see me here, no way in this dark.'
Suddenly his teeth grit, he made a quick motion in the murk, splashing water around. He suddenly began to crawl in my direction quickly.
"Fuck!" I said loud enough...
I ran with all the haste my body naturally allowed, hitting branches, trees. I ran head on through bushes, their sharp leaves tearing my skin shallowly. I felt faint, but I did not stop running.


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

Edited by mickdawg666 (08/10/07 12:27 PM)

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7281456 -

Gracias

One time, there was a hairy eight-legged creature. It was not a spider. Don't even think for a second that it was. Arachnothing. His name was Gracias.

On cold days, Gracias would not come out and sing with all the other creatures of the Earth. The rest of us sing because we know that death is cold, and we pray it to take us into its' arms. However, Gracias had big plans, and so the winter wonder only scared him. What if he never met the girl of his dreams? What if he died a failure? A lone, lost loser, he thought.

Well, one afternoon, a real spider came to Gracias and spooked him. Because of the shock, Gracias died. And he died a loser. Alone and dead, worried right into the grave. Had he spent less time thinking of himself, he may have heard what the spider was trying to tell him before he died:

'You can only lose if you're playing a game.'


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funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: lukeboots]
    #7281461 -

River Kids and the Old Beggar

--

Many years ago, when colors were brighter and I was still excited to see the tops of buildings, I was walking along the side of a stream with a friend of mine. The two of us had known each other for a few years, since we first went to school.

We had been travelling for a few miles (quite a stretch of land in our youth), when an old, old man called out to us from the other side of the water. Since it wasn't very deep, and the old man seemed to be in trouble, we wandered over to him and asked him what was wrong. We kept our distance, of course.

He began to explain that he was entirely too old to keep living, but that life wouldn't seem to let him go. He asked us for the time. It was six-thirty, we told him.

"Ohh, you two probably wouldn't understand.. but.. I could really use a watch.. if I can't see the time going by, how will I know when mine has expired?"

I thought that was a pretty good question. But I had no watch. My friend, on the other hand, had a junky old blue one that he didn't like very much anyway. So we gave it to the old man.

"Ohh, you two are so kind.. I remember my friends.. I remember when I could see all the leaves on that tree.. it's been a long, long time since I've held one of those sketches of nature in my hand." He said.

Being the kind children that we were, we offered to climb up the tree and nab him a few of the prettiest leaves we could see. And we did.

"Ohhh my goodness! Thank you, thank you, thank you, I've never seen such a beautiful leaf, have you?" He motioned to the rock next to him. "I know," he continued, "I know, it's great. Do you remember the first time you ever saw one of these?"

Now we weren't sure if he was talking to us or the rock.. but only two of the three characters this man was talking to could respond, so we did.

"No sir."

"You know what else I haven't seen in a long time? A nice, crisp five-dollar bill."

"Oh, we don't have anything like that," I said, "unless maybe we're sent to the grocery store for something."

Again, though, my friend did have just what the old man needed. He took out a five dollar bill, folded it, and handed it to the man. I was shocked; who could throw away that much potential gum and candy?

The old man was really happy.

But still, we had no idea what he planned to do in the wild with a watch, a leaf and a few dollars.

It turns out it didn't matter. The old man looked down at his new watch, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. My friend poked him with a branch. The old man had died right in his spot, with all his new belongings.

We took the watch, the money, the leaves, and went on our way. I don't know if you realize this, but our kindness killed that old man. I've been psychologically crippled since the day this happened. No one has ever again borrowed a watch from my friend.


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funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #7281773 -

Very nice.  Horror is such an awesome genre.  It takes a special type of people to really truly hit through to the human brain, but when they do it can be far more frightening then any movie. 

As far as the story goes, it was cool.  Perhaps a little work on the actual revealing of the zombie.  I felt that you might have made it a little scarier if it was slowly revealed instead of just thrown at the poor guy in one short glimpse.  Highlight was the thing crawling towards the man.  Definitely creepy and sparks a nice visual.

Alright..  I think my next story I post is going to be a horror story.  And Mickdawg, post some more!  :smile:


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Toddo]
    #7282465 -

heh thanks... I just spit them out, that one happened to be a horror story :P. Ill be waiting for yours :grin:


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #7283599 -

Jonnywax, you are well spoken. I felt a tinge of emotion at the old mans death. You actually had me fooled when he asked for money. He really was just checking off his list of things to do before dying. Very well done.

It settled then. Horror is the first topic. I'll say 3 days we'll change to a different one. I think it will do us all good to stick to a motif, because despite the talent here I sense the amateur in all our writing. Let us strive for perfection here in the short story thread.

Would it be possible to get a moderator to sticky this?


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7283749 -

Sticky sticky please ..  :bowdown:


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7284929 -

The Junior Druggist's Jaunce

Waiting was the hardest part. Or maybe it was the walking. Both were uncomfortable experiences, strolling down a cement paved path, feigning indifference, perhaps pretending to be interested in some trees or flowers, praying that one of the sideways peddlers advertised their wares to you.

"Granddaddy Purp, hit you so hard, get your granddaddy high"

"Bayside Blue, it's got the zoom to take you to the moon"

"Yaw, nigga, you need some 'erb? Grass of whatever type of green, purple even? Come on, nigga, I gotcha shit right here, you want some Saffron Safari?"

Weed was good for any other day, a rainy day drug, if you wanted his opinion. But today he was in a psychedelic mood, and thus far, no one had offered. In some nook of his mind, so small he was hardly aware of it, he was praying no one would offer him. He was fascinated and frightened by psychedelics, the most common ones here being, he figured, mushrooms or good old acid.

It was a good five minutes until the kid was offered some, and he was damn near the end of the park.

"You don't want weed?"

He turned to see the most awesomely stereotypical hippy he had ever laid eyes on, a great big messy beard of tangled black gray and white, sunglasses that weren't worth a damn on this particularly overcast day. and his head being topped off by a gaily decorated headband of all colors rainbow. He wasn't wearing any shirt to speak of, but he was outfitted with a mangy vest, probably a pleasant tan color one would witness when visiting one of the sandstone churches down south, but now so dulled and lifeless that not even the myriad of pins, praising fandom of The Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane, Jimi Hendrix, the grand dream of legalized marijuana, and other such drug and music related paraphernalia, could save it. The boy noted with distaste at a particularly large piece of fluff attempting to escape from the left shoulder. His jeans were much like his vest, a scarred ghost of navy blue, its spirit stolen and having been devolved into a ripped and torn shade of Down Blue.

"You've probably gotten offered some of the best green this park has to offer. What's your actually pleasure?"

The boy didn't speak.

"You can tell me, I've got it all, I'm like a walking convenient store. Not saying much, though, I merely exercise my talent for carrying the Main Three, weed, shrooms, and LSD."

Then he grinned.

"Which on of the latter two?"

A sigh of relief or resignation escaped his lips. He sat down near the hippy and made his selection. He preferred the naturality of shrooms to the synthesized wonders of acid.

"The name's Breeze. Let's shoot it"

They talked for a good ten minutes, about life, literature, drugs, food, and what home is while Breeze carefully measured out an eighth.

"Have fun, get to some hillside and don't trip."

He laughed.

Later that night, after waiting three hours after consumption, he felt nothing. So he pretended he did.

He concentrated very hard, awakening some sort of hidden dream and allowing all senses of touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing to mingle, marry, divorce, and die.


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There is no valid reason you should be reading this

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7287912 -

Panda. That last sentence seemed like a concentrate of something that should have been a short paragraph. Was that your intention? Good work anyway, though.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7288005 -

BUMP


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7288714 -

I entered the woods, full of browning trees and the smell of fall. It hadn’t rained since late October, and the little stream in the valley was choked by fallen leaves. I walked down to the small pond fed by a tiny spring in the side of the hill; it reminded me of the times I had played there, catching tadpoles and frogs with friends, playing hide and go seek in the woods, and our little woodland projects we worked on year by year to improve our own little place in the forest. I hadn’t seen this spot in years, a tree still held our mark, “Tadpole Pond.” Our work on expanding the pond had remained noticeable, and it was much deeper than it was the time I first saw it.

I am still not old enough to forget those times, but I have been through a lot, and so had this world. At the time I didn’t know what a computer was, television was barely a pastime, and I still found the outside to be as interesting and fun as anything. This trip, however, was not just a romp for leisure, it held a new meaning for me, I came to this place to replenish that happiness I once had, to forget about how structured and rigid my life had became. Although I still find joy in nature, hunting and fishing being among my favorite diversions, I truly miss those days of blissful ignorance, when responsibility was a myth and stress an apparition. I fear I cannot return to those days, but instead I must look on them with longing nostalgia, and never forget how simple and pleasant life can be here, in the woods.

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: xFrockx]
    #7289124 -

Don't forget to comment on everyone else's work when you submit you own. Take the time.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7289237 -

joekenorer said:
Don't forget to comment on everyone else's work when you submit you own. Take the time.


Or at least one other. I agree.


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Toddo]
    #7289643 -

Yeah, at least one.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7296108 -


The Collector

(horror story)


Watching kids did have its benefits, Alan though as he typed into his instant messenger program. The glow of the computer screen was projected perfectly in his bright blue eyes. It was about 10pm.

Yeah, these kids were absolute menaces but he was being paid well for it. There were only two of them, thank god. (In which one had a certain fondness for licking) Both of them were 7 years old. Timothy was the ring leader of the two. He seemed to seed the idea of attacking Alan with an arsenal of plastic swords, sticks and anything else that would be easy to wield and cause a good amount of pain. Roby, who seemed to prove ADHD was in fact a real disorder, was missing a front tooth and always seemed to have red punch stains over his lips. He was also the licker.

Alan stopped typing to look at the welt on his arm. It had been from the 3rd and most violent attack that took place that night. He had just turned on the computer when he heard the charge. After attempting to play along with the first two attacks he was fed up. He got to his feet and demanded they stop. Timothy came to a halt but Roby kept a steady pace with his broken bamboo sword high in the air and a sugar induced manic smile. Alan gave one more shout and tried to take the stick away from him but the blow struck him right below the wrist. That was when he sent them to bed. Seven o clock, was it? Alan couldn’t help but smiling. You bastards having fun now?


He heard laughter down the hall and another voice shush. Alan turned around and looked over at the hallway. Are those fuckers still awake? Right as he was going to get up and investigate he heard the sound of a buddy logging on. It was Susan Logan.


Alan felt something stir deep in his stomach. Susan Logan was absolutely gorgeous. The last time Alan saw her, she was in the high school bathroom. Her smooth legs and perfect butt were accentuated by the skirt. Her breasts were small but beautifully shaped under that soft, blue cotton shirt. He remembered her pleas before he had the most explosive sex of his life. Without a second thought, he had sent the IM towards her screen name.


She wasn’t responding. Damn. He sighed and accepted. A girl like that must be assaulted by desperate IM’s every moment she’s logged on. Perhaps wait a moment and let her settle in. Yes, she must be checking her email and getting ready to respond back to those who had IM’ed her as she logged on. The sound of footsteps sounded right behind Alan.


Before Alan could turn around he felt some sort of cold metal bar push into his neck. He jerked around as fast as he could but nothing was behind him. He looked around the empty house and turned back to the screen. What in the fuck just happened?


An odd feeling came over him as he tried to recall the event that had just taken place. Every time he played it back in his mind, it became foggier. Did I really feel anything? Didn’t I hear something right when I turned around? Something loud and distant?


He stared at the keyboard. What was troubling him so much? He looked at the desk and thought he saw some red paint droplets on top of it. Before any further investigation, the sound of a received instant message jolted his eyes back to the screen. It wasn’t from anyone on his buddy list. After another glance over his shoulder, Alan opened the message.


"Hello Alan, I’m happy to have finally met you.” The message read.
Its screen name was Beolz. Alan read it twice over.

“uh, Hi. Who is this?” Alan asked. Beolz was quick to answer.

“I am the collector, Alan.”

“The What? What do you mean, The Collector?” Alan felt himself leaning closer to the bright screen as he typed his response.

“Alan, even you must know what a collector does. It gathers things up and brings them to their rightful places.“

“ok umm, I don’t know who you are but I need to go.” Alan typed already feeling a little weirded out about Beolz using his first name. He moved his mouse over to close the messenger program.


“I really wouldn’t do that Alan. See, if you try and close this box, I might have to frighten you more.” Alan felt his insides give a quick drop and his vision narrow to the screen. He didn’t respond but simply waited.


“Good. Now Alan, something quite funny has happened this evening. Those kid you where watching…” Alan shut the box and sighed off the messaging program. A deep spark of fear was ablaze in his body. Alan searched his mind about who could possibly be doing this to him. I bet you it was those fucking kids. Yeah, they found a laptop and somehow where fucking with him from another room. Alan felt the seed of anger and desperately clung onto it. Those fuckers are going to die!


But before Alan could do anything, the screen flashed. As it went black, Alan noticed for the first time that all the lights were off around him. It was pitch dark for a moment. Then it came on his screen.


The image was the single worst thing Alan had ever seen in his entire existence. It was some sort of ram like head eating into the face of another human. The image began moving. He could hear the desperate voice squealing and the greedy goat’s jaws gnawing into it. Alan face contorted as his whole being filled with terror. Blinding terror. The image turned off but his face stayed the same. The messenger program came back on.


“Alan, I’m sorry you had to see that but I was very hungry.” Alan’s face was still frozen in horror.


“I’m always hungry, Alan. I really did like you but that hurt my feelings when you so rudely shut the messenger box.”

“wa.. what in the fuck are you?” Alan’s trembling voice managed to get out, forgetting to type.


“Alan, I am the collector. I collect those who need collecting and help them on their way. But before they can be on their way, I eat them. I eat them all up. Every last bit. They are the dead Alan. ” A vile stench filled the room. Alan’s felt a new wave of terror fill him. The computer no longer displayed that message. It was coming from a raspy voice now behind him.

“Why are you here?” Alan asked in a voice he no longer recognized as his own. He dared not to look behind him.

“Alan, you died tonight and were on the list to be collected. It’s really quite that simple.” Said the raspy voice. It had a strange echo to it.

“Died..” Alan began to cry. “I didn’t-“

“Alan, I think we both know what happened. But perhaps you need to be reminded. You remember those kids you were watching? They thought it would be funny if they got daddy’s play gun and held you up. It really is too bad you turned around so fast. They blew your entire head off.”


Alan sickeningly looked at the red droplets all over the desk. Peering down, he saw pools of blood and flesh.


“Yes, It’s a pity you’re being collected. But that’s the price of rape Alan. In fact, I was sure to set up something special for Susan. She’s going to have front row seats for the feeding. She will see it in her dreams.” Beolz said with a voice of amusement.


Alan couldn’t believe any of this was happening. He didn’t believe it until the feeding began. Before he blacked out, he saw Beolz's goat snout burrow deep into his stomach. It's eyes were unfocused, like a shark’s. Beolz was completly silent as he consumed Alan fully.

After Alan was collected, he entered a new realm, one which cannot be contained in human words.

The End


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: Toddo]
    #7296269 -

Toddo. I wasn't too keen on the whole demon in the monitor eats you ideal, maybe its me but a little lame-ish. The description of the kids was spot on, I've dealt with those exact types of annoying little fuckers too. There were a couple spelling errors, but it read solidly and progressed at an almost perfect rhythm.

I hope I don't offend, I'm trying to be more candid with my reviews. I believe criticism is fundamental to understanding ones own setbacks.

Well, I have failed to write anything for the horror set, and have just realized I'm quite late. I hate being the hypocrite so I'm going to force regurgitate something out right now. Keep 'em coming!


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7296330 -

no no.. please don't ever worry about offending me.  Thanks for the honest feedback.  :smile:


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Official 2007 very short story thread. Post yours and critque others HERE [Re: joekenorer]
    #7296374 -

Hah, I completely forgot I posted in this topic

While the last sentence could go as a paragraph, I felt a pity description of the drug use, after so much buildup of the boy's interest (or lack) in it, was appropriate

I'm glad you liked it, I thought the imagery was overdone


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