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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7060948 -

Tough situation. Your marriage has been over for a long time and you have every right to leave. BUT....your wife has cancer. If you left now you'd look like a totally heartless asshole.

Maybe you can leave and promise to be your wife's supportive friend?

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7060966 -

RandalFlagg said:
Maybe you can leave and promise to be your wife's supportive friend?


Sorry Randall, but that line is equivalent to "The check is in the mail and I won't cum in your mouth" routine.

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7061033 -

before you even consider anything else... does your wife know about this? if not, then talk to her... tell her how you feel...


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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7061266 -

How is this any different than the last thread you made about this where everyone told you what they thought about you planning on screwing around on your wife and you couldn't handle it?

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7061313 -

niteowl i have a lot of respect for you. i read your see beyond the imperfections thread a while back and i think i have some idea where you are coming from. i think its great you posted to get this off your chest but right now its not about what shroomerites think. you need to tell your wife exactly what you said here. if you havent cheated on here there is no need to bring up the other girl. if this other girl is a seriously possibility for you then you should bring her up.

i would say try to work it out. but no one knows your relationship better than you. if it truly sucks i say drop it. as far as sex i say talk to her about it.

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: In(di)go]
    #7061771 -

In(di)go said:
before you even consider anything else... does your wife know about this? if not, then talk to her... tell her how you feel...


Been there and done that already.
I'm afraid that the love we had for each other is slowly fading away, and I don't know how to rekindle that flame.

The relationship is at a standstill, until she sees a therapist about her "possible" ADD.

If she isn't willing to work on her problems, me working on mine is futile.
I will continue taking my meds, for my own sanity. I can't stay in a one sided relationship. She has to take some responsibility for her contribution to the problems in our relationship.

We both have separate appointments with a therapist next week.
Maybe some good will come out of it :shrug:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7061979 -

Dude, it's a step in the right direction. You're doing everything you can it seems.


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"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7061992 -

RandalFlagg said:
Tough situation. Your marriage has been over for a long time and you have every right to leave. BUT....your wife has cancer.


She didn't have cancer.......just pre-cancerous cells in her cervix. Having the hysterectomy should have solved the problem.

She starts working 1/2 days this week.....then back to full days next week.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7062163 -

Mr. Owl...will have to patient AGAIN...and see if the wife will go for counseling/take meds. Yes, it takes time to get the dose right. It's a science though and the right shrink should be able to zone you in to the correct one with few trials. My brother had to take several things b/f getting it right. Adarall was right for me right away.

Dr. C. I'm focused on it right now b/c it's creating good and challenging things in my life. I'm glad to get tons done at work. My boss is TOTALLY understanding and accepting. I'm glad to see things with a clarity I never had and project a confidence I've been complimented on all week...cute eh? BUT....
I have to face some truth about how others have been affected by me till now. I'm not as aware of the feelings of being "on/up" all day as I was at the start. It's effective but I have to make sure to take a break and eat something at lunch time or I speed through and crash later. It's better now that I figured that out. Took me 2 days of that to make the change. My hus. asked that I please take it later in the morning so not to come down right when the kids have to be put to bed. Makes sense. He's learning to be patient with me. The counselor got him to see that he gets more results that way and more passive aggressive stuff if he "cracks down" on me making what he thought were reasonable demands.
he's going to the shrink soon too. He found, years ago, that cocaine (only tried a few times) made him feel good but not high. That's typical of ADD...the meds don't work if you don't need them just like the illegal stuff. You speed up and you're more efficient, not high.

It seems to me that the majority of posters are needy in one way or another. Anyone who opens up via pm tells me about what they're taking.
We look to feel good because life isn't giving us what we need. We either self-medicate with chemical stimulants or loud music or lots of sex/masturbation or we call all that recreational/just "fun" or we use it to gain insight and enlightenment. All of the above can apply at different stages of life of course. I've found sex under the influence of (good) pot a profound experience. Of course a little Clapton or Dead in the background is helpful... :smile:
I laughed very hard..it felt good to do so since things have been quite serious lately...when I heard Layla at just the right moment in bed and said "I've always wanted to come to this song!". I had to sit up and calm down before going back to what we were doing.

You gotta laugh about it...she says shaking her head with a wry smile.


--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7062170 -

niteowl said:
If she isn't willing to work on her problems, me working on mine is futile.


working on your problems is never futile, even if you decide to leave her...

and did you really talk about everything? about the fact that the relationship is not working for you anymore, about the fact that you are considering a divorce, about everything that is going through your mind? (leave the other chick out of it, for your wife's health sake)...


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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: In(di)go]
    #7062301 -

Quote:
and did you really talk about everything? about the fact that the relationship is not working for you anymore, about the fact that you are considering a divorce, about everything that is going through your mind? (leave the other chick out of it, for your wife's health sake)...


Everything has been laid out on the table. Including the "other girl"

I have let her read every post I've made on this subject, so she can understand where I'm coming from.

I will probably let her read this post later today.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7062778 -

Done.

She just finished reading this post.
Said we would talk about it in the morning, as she is tired and still sore from the surgery + she has a stomach bug.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: I feel lost/confused [Re: niteowl]
    #7063906 -

Damn N.O.!!! I didn't know how recently she had surgery!
I'm call'in you onto the rug for this one man....see past your needs for a couple of days..she needs to heal physically and emotionally as well. A woman who had her uterus removed will feel a sense of loss over it..even if she didn't intend to ever have any more children.

Go hold her and tell her you're giving her healing vibes..GIVE and you'll get back...I want to please my husband so much more when he's being pleasant....I'm no longer fooling myself that everything's fine and I know I have to keep working on myself for me and him and us as a couple....he is so much more giving when he knows I want to help make it better. The few times I had surgery he was there for me totally...this stuff here is NOT good timing for her bud...gotta say it. FAKE it if you have to till she's healed. May she have a complete recovery...of the body, mind and soul....

Sorry so sharp...I've been there...ovarian cyst removed....not fun. :frown:

I can't help but picture in my dramatic style that her inner termoil is eating up her insides...holding emotional pain in can cause physical symptoms if I'm not mistaken but I'm no expert.

I was freak'in scared b/f seeing the shrink who turned out to be a sweet grandfatherly individual...praise her for her bravery..she has the appt. and I hope she keeps it assuming your shrink is right on like mine.

MIC


--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in

Edited by MyInnerChild (06/18/07 11:53 PM)

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Poll time. [Re: niteowl]
    #7081840 -

I have come to a cross roads with this relationship and want the Shroomerys input on the situation.
Should I try to work things out w/wife or go for a new life w/gf?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from 06/22/07 10:38 PM until the end of time
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll



--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: Poll time. [Re: niteowl]
    #7083215 -

Bump for more votes


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: Poll time. [Re: niteowl]
    #7084607 -

I have decided to move out.

Moving to a friends house. They have all but begged me to move in for a while now, and we had a long talk about it, just a while ago.
The whole family (even the kids) want me to move in.

So I'M going to.

I talked to my wife about this and she is cool w/it. I will have partial access to the house cause we have a pet Pomeranian who needs to be played with daily, and my wife wont do it, so that's where the "partial access" to the house comes in. I will play with the dog and still have access to the internet.

If Sandi (my gf) moves out too, I can easily see us together.

I don't hold out a lot of hope for me and my wife to get together, once I move out.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Re: I feel lost/confused....added a poll [Re: niteowl]
    #7084710 -

niteowl said:
if we both get a divorce from our current spouse



if you wanna believe it can work you should be discussing this very subject with
your spouses, I wouldnt move in with anyone for a while... I just divorced my
wife, I I couldnt work for a decent life if I have someone throwing obstacles at
me along the way


--------------------
California Has Legalized Child Prostitution

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Re: I feel lost/confused....added a poll [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #7084750 -

I'm gonna send Sandi (gf) an e-mail about me moving out.
Hope it puts a fire in her ass to move out too.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: I feel lost/confused....added a poll [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #7087229 -

Quote:
if you wanna believe it can work you should be discussing this very subject with your spouses, I wouldnt move in with anyone for a while...


We have thoroughly discussed the situation.......even my "gf"


Our therapist recommended a separation.

I'm moving in with a married couple w/kids. They are very close me and I am humbled at their offer of a place to stay, until I get back on my feet.

:peace:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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