The usual tension, anger, loss of vibe. Sex becoming duty. Communication impossible. We are now in a state of cold war. On the issue of sex I can't even talk to her about it without rage. And so I snapped and told her I need a therapist before I go to talk to someone else about it. This didn't really frustrate her, as she always tells me she doesn't give a fuck just don't love anyone else, but I never took this as a go ahead I just figure shed just go out and sleep with someone too if I do. So.. I don't think mentioning that is anywhere near the problem. I sense it is this narrative building in her that has grown like a weed over time. That I'm incompetent at everything. That she needs to micromanage me, that I am like a child. A delusion of superiority too. She seems to have become very very good at being the aggressor then flipping the narrative into me being the bad guy. Now I have gotten to the point were I snapped and for the first time ever screamed at her that I am not her fucking enemy. Now it seems we are like roommates in the same home. I've told her its not working and that I think she doesn't want to be my wife. She confirmed it with a yes... But I dunno if she really truly means it yet. I've gone through a hopeless spiral and felt crushed. I've gone through years and years of trying to please and satisfy to no avail. I do literally everything, clean the home, care for the kids, pay all the bills while she stays home. And something strange happened to me. I died inside and on the other side... I no longer feel anything at all at the prospect of her leaving, even though I really really don't want her to go. I love her. What hit me into this state is.. Realization that she has already "left". That I am already in that world. The despair was so extreme, like a bad bad trip. But its over. And reality has just said.. Now here is your next challenge. I'm a roommate in my own home now. And rather than despair.. I've been looking at all the ways to integrate this new reality. To find the new freedoms and benefits from it rather than focusing on the despair. Its.. Weirder than a shroom trip. I really hope I can keep her still. Anyone experience similar?
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