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Stupid shit worth breaking up over?
    #25998168 -

My girlfriend and I have had two super fucking ignorant arguments in the past week. It seems like both were just terrible communication. But it feels like she is unwilling to try to be better, she just assumes it's always my fault. She puts my emotional well being miles behind her own.

What kind of shit in your lives has been worth dumping someone over? What wasn't worth it, or you were glad you worked through it? What kind of behavior is such an obvious red flag that you should just bail?

Fyi, the argument we are having right now is because she may or may not be DYING OF OVARIAN CANCER but she wants to do everything in her power to keep her ovaries. So she just takes any advise that doeant involve finding out for sure if she needs them removed. I didn't even call her the cowardly idiot she is being, I even told her that I would never try to tell her what to do with her own body. But I've had experience in this department, and waiting longer is ALWAYS worse. And she was mad because I wasn't trying to just make her feel better, I want her to actually get tests done.

And from there it of course spiralled out of control like these things tend to do. I still love her with all my heart. But Jesus fucking Christ I did not sign on to date a 15 year old girl. The irony being that she's calling me the immature one.

So, thoughts? What are your experiences with "Fuck this Im out" or "Lets talk this out"?


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #25998222 -

I personally would get my ass outta there


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Don't listen to anything I say, I'm likely 10 grams deep at this very moment

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: John_1098]
    #25998224 -

But if making things work REALLY is what would make you happy then keep trying. Follow your gut


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Don't listen to anything I say, I'm likely 10 grams deep at this very moment

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: John_1098] * 1
    #25998237 -

Sounds like she is very stressed.  Does she have kids?  If not she could freeze eggs.

Even just chemo can result in sterality.  Saving eggs may he a wise move.  Suppose you just support her at this time.  This isn't an a mild situation about nothing.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25998535 -

I'm currently putting up with waayyyy more from my girlfriend. But she's diagnosed bipolar and apparently (found this out last night) she has PTSD. So I feel bad if I leave cause clearly she has a disease. I should be gone though. Fuck.

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25998568 -

Actually, freezing eggs is like really expensive. I didnt realize, apparently the kind of people who actually do that are extremely wealthy. Who knew


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #25998574 -

that really sucks. You don’t want to be that guy that dumped a chick with cancer. I would find out first then go from there.


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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #25999043 -

nah thats not a reason to break up imo. Its her body and you two arent married. she doesnt owe you much. shit changes a bit if you are married and have committed your lives to one another, but this is not the case. she made her decision and you can either accept it or not.

I guess if you cant, then it is completely your right to end the relationship. Just depends on if you want to keep fucking this woman or not.


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #25999177 -

She’s hella blatant retard if she doesn’t get scanned by a doc.

For real though she might be scared.  Does she have a history of any cancers in her family?  Some people are so scared of that stuff they’d rather just bury their heads and pretend it isn’t there.  That or a deep desire to have a kid and that would bring the end of her dreams even if she lived.

I guess I could see if she’s one of those types susceptible to crystal healers she may have some homeopathic cure set in mind, like Steve Jobs did...  probably a bad route to take.

You just have to ask her and if she’s insistent on walling you off so be it.  Remember, if you don’t get angry you can’t get into a fight.  Be steady and calm, use logic and if that isn’t working then you have to make a decision on what is worth how much etc..


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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Amanita86]
    #25999499 -

bail, find someone in control of their emotions. When a problem like this happens if someone cannot be rational you'll always be backed into a corner regardless of your actions. I'm not saying someone needs to be stone cold when something terrible comes up but some people don't take it out on others while they're upset.


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Everything you need in one spot.

My Q&A thread. Ask me questions here rather than in Private Message
Bod's chat thread

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: bodhisatta]
    #25999886 -

men and women think differently, its a long known fact, we are like cats and dogs

right now is a super stressful time for both of you so of course its going to put a great deal of strain on your relationship even if its 100% healthy to begin with

I think do your best to support her through this, I think it would suck if the shoe was on the other foot and ill health was happening to you and she went and left you

women are complex and some great advice a woman gave me once was dont even try work them out, as most of the time they dont even know what the heck theyre feeling themselves.

try talk together to various medical professionals and work out whats the best option forward if you can. Get second / third etc opinions and try weigh up the pros and cons together as a couple what to do.

Nothing feels worse deep down then being torn apart in times of crisis, couples and families should just stick together I think

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: myrealname]
    #26000528 -

I think there are some fundamental differences in the support men and women give and want from each other. For a woman, when she has a problem, generally (and I'm not saying it's always like this) she wants emotional support. Men on the other hand, often want to try and fix things, they offer practical advice and support. Whilst this is admirable, and useful, it doesn't always fulfil a woman's emotional needs. I'm not saying this is the issue here. I have no idea really, but I just wanted to point out this issue which can often lead to misunderstanding in relationships between men and women.

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26000713 -

Amanita86 said:
For real though she might be scared.  Does she have a history of any cancers in her family?  Some people are so scared of that stuff they’d rather just bury their heads and pretend it isn’t there.  That or a deep desire to have a kid and that would bring the end of her dreams even if she lived.



Yeah. She has said how important it is to her to have children. But like, in my mind, tough shit. Some people wanted to go to space, some people wanted to be a professional baseball player... Dreams get shattered all the time. This isn't brand new. She's had issues for like 6 years. I wish she could just accept that natural children just ain't in the cards for her.

In my eyes, I'm the perfect partner because I want kids but not natural children. I personally think its my moral duty to help stop the spread of the disease that is mankind, and help kids who were dealt a shit hand in life. Win/win. But she just feels like Im callous and dont want her to have my child.

Anonymous #1 said:
I think there are some fundamental differences in the support men and women give and want from each other. For a woman, when she has a problem, generally (and I'm not saying it's always like this) she wants emotional support. Men on the other hand, often want to try and fix things, they offer practical advice and support. Whilst this is admirable, and useful, it doesn't always fulfil a woman's emotional needs. I'm not saying this is the issue here. I have no idea really, but I just wanted to point out this issue which can often lead to misunderstanding in relationships between men and women.


I've heard this before but kinda forgot about it in my anger. I guess I really was just trying to fix things without giving emotional support. I'm not sure I can shake the feeling that this is just not the time for emotional support alone. Maybe in addition to medical help. But there's never been a doctor that has said "Whew, glad you waited so long to get treatment, if you'd have come here last year this could have been bad." Never ever happened.

I'd literally rather never talk to her again and have her get medical treatment than emotionally support her while she sticks her head in the sand. There's "I told you so" and then there's "You are dying and I asked you to get help before it was too late." I don't want to be right, and I'm not sure I'm mature enough to deal with that situation without sad rage.

Ugh, y'all are probably right. I just need to stick it out while she's going through a tough time. I absolutely loath living with a problem I feel could be fixed. I guess I need to come up with a 'final straw' scenario and just hack it until then. Stupid love! Y u no easy?!?!


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26001249 -

thats exactly what I was saying without me saying it exactly

women feel and men try fix, we are very different creatures

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: paradoxlost]
    #26006276 -

paradoxlost said:
I'm currently putting up with waayyyy more from my girlfriend. But she's diagnosed bipolar and apparently (found this out last night) she has PTSD. So I feel bad if I leave cause clearly she has a disease. I should be gone though. Fuck.


PTSD in a partner is tough. No disrespect to the people with it. It's just good to know what you're getting into. If I didn't know my wife had it I'd think she was batshit at times. But hell... even the batshit people have something going on even if they can't put a name on it. Doesn't make it any better for you and it's best for both parties to be real about whether you have the patients and temperment to live with someones mental issues.


Anyhow, OP, why do you think she's dying of ovarian cancer? Is she diagnosed? Then wouldn't you know she's dying of it? Anyways it's not a matter of stupidity or immaturity. I'm applying to med school. I like medicine. That said I have little interest in taking my heart meds. I know my risks. To be honest I couldn't even tell you why I don't want to take them. Maybe it's that I'd rather be healthy or dead. Not one of those guys who gets a blood clot because his oncologist gives him the wrong med then has to take a new med that forces him to watch how much salad he eats and prick his skin daily. Then endures a bad med interaction because his rheumatologist and oncologist don't communicate. Or like my mom who had anal cancer radiation and now has to be within earshot of a bathroom if she wants to make it on time. I actually just described both my parents.

Neither of them would probably say they'd rather be dead. But me? I'm a different person. The only thing that makes my illness bearable is the hope that I can beat it without losing pieces of myself. If someone was going to take my nuts I don't know that I would ever quite feel myself again. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm going to hurt my wife when I have a heart attack. I don't know... I'm just saying I kind of get it. It would take a lot of support and not berating to get me into a doctors office and looking at my options in her condition. It would take someone reminding me continuously that I'm not any less a human after they take my nuts. That I can still find joy without my nuts and have the things most important to me and the experiences that my nuts provide even if I have to come at it at a slightly different way. Kids are a big expectation. Women prepare for that as long as their first few years of life when they play with baby dolls. She can learn to enjoy adoption. But it's not going to happen overnight. She's losing a tremendous joy that is both biologically and culturally instilled in her.

Anyways, if this was a pointless wall of text I apologize because this is just my mental diarrhea from my high brain

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: JacksonMetaller] * 2
    #26007262 -

As a woman who lost her left ovary at the age of 17 because of a tumor, I completely understand her desire to keep her ovaries.


The amount of mental and emotional turmoil I went through was astounding, it affected every decision I made until I had children. 


It is like taking a ball from a man, the pride mixed with the fear or not being able to do what a woman does best, carry and bring life into the world can alter a whole mental belief system.


My personal fears of not being able to have children led me to rush having children and ended up having children with an abusive asshat who I am still to this day and very moment trying to escape.


Anyway, if that helps... I don't know your personal situation or who she is as a person, but I really empathize with her.

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Jewstress]
    #26012929 -

How long have you guys been together? If its a long time, stick it out. if this is a recent relationship gtfo.

On a side note there is so many kids in the world already that dont have homes/families...
I dont understand this desire to have MORE kids, the world is already over populated. If my girl and I ever decide we wants to have kids, we are going to adopt.

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: staytrippy420]
    #26013089 -

If you don’t already have children it is hard to explain.

And it is only a five year relationship but his bx has really gotten bad lately. Idk we just aren’t on the same page and he tries to force me into his agenda in his brain

But it ain’t going down like that.

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Jewstress]
    #26020182 -

I was under the impression you were already separated JS?


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Stupid shit worth breaking up over? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26020207 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
I was under the impression you were already separated JS?



Essentially yeah, does he know it? Not yet.

Today is my last moving day then I drop the big news tomorrow or Friday with being served his PFA papers.

He is a big asshat of a brute and he “jokingly”(according to him) wrapped a phone cord charger around my neck like a few days ago when I said I was leaving him. Soooooooo gotta plan this carefully.

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