Last night I ate two mushroom chocolates - approx. 4 grams of freshly harvested (and dried) shrooms. About an hour later I started to peak and made a post in the "trip tips" forum looking for some good music to listen to while high. I noted that the trip was becoming quite intense, and I was feeling very good. After a few posts I decided to smoke a bowl of this really sticky bud that a friend had given me earlier, to boost me into a higher level. I have done this many times before, but I had no way of knowing what was about to happen.
I went outside and smoked the bowl. At first I didn't really seem to feel anything, but after about five minutes or so I became a little anxious so I went downstairs to get a glass of water. While standing at the sink I realized that I was beginning to have very intense hallucinations. My surroundings were becoming unfamiliar and I was getting a bit of anxiety because I could feel myself losing touch with reality.
By the time I made it upstairs and layed on my bed I was in full panic attack. The hallucinations were so intense I no longer had any control over my thoughts or actions. I was having an experience very similar to a strong acid trip, with a crossover of sound and vision. Geometric images filled my mind, and a constant flow of hallucinations passed before my eyes.
Now I have done alot of tripping in my lifetime, and I slowly realized the signs of a bad trip and directed my thoughts as best I could to pull myself out of it. Once I accepted the loss of control and let the trip take over, I started to at first feel better, and then an incredible feeling of euphoria washed over me and I broke through into a state of mind that I find hard to describe with simple words.
At the peak of this experience I was at one with God. My thoughts were freely exchanged with God and a complete understanding of life and it's purpose was revealed to me. I observed my entire life as if from outside of myself, and saw how I have wasted over half my life seeking a happiness I could never find from anything the outside world had to offer. Only by looking within would the answers I have searched for so desperately be found, and the happiness that has eluded me all my life would be realized.
My simple words cannot describe this experience properly or make you understand what a revelation this has been in my life. I am thirty five years old. I have seen and done alot of things, I have had many experiences with various drugs, but nothing so life changing as this. Today I cling to the memories of the truths that were revealed to me, and already I make changes to fufill the destiny that God has revealed to me.
I have recently been feeling that my life was over. I now realize that my true life is just beginning, that the path that I now set out on will be the most incredible journey of my life. Over the last year or so I have been reading alot about Buddhism and eastern religion. I was always interested in the enlightenment of which so many eastern religious masters speak of. Last night I experienced this enlightenment firsthand. I now know this is my destiny and my purpose.
This is the solace I seek from the chaos that my worldly life has been.
I have vowed to dedicate my life to helping others, starting by volunteering in my local area and doing what I can to make life better for those less fortunate. As much as I have wasted the first half of my life, I vow to use the second half of my life to be a benefit to mankind. To reach my ultimate spiritual potential, and by improving myself and filling my soul with true loving kindness, I will be an example to those around me. Change doesn't just happen, we must make it happen. Just as a stone that is tossed into a pond causes ripples, our every action causes ripples throughout those around us. It is up to us whether or not those ripples are positive or negative.
I am so thankful for these visions, and for this second chance at life. Some of you may not understand, or may doubt what I have said, but to me it doesn't matter. The truth comes to all who seek it. Spreading love and helping others is a truth we cannot deny. Living a life of self gratification and selfishness is nothing more than an illusion that blinds us from this truth.
For those that understand some of what I have said and seek true spiritual enlightenment, look to the east. Investigate the studies of Sant Mat. Decide for yourself if this is the true path to God. I think you will find that western religions have become a way of blinding man to the ultimate truth.
I know I have rambled on somewhat and maybe it all sounds crazy, but to me, in my mind, it is as real as anything I have ever experienced.
Peace to you all.
Edited by SoulSurfer (11/24/03 10:57 PM)
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