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Russian stoner stabs a big enough hole in van to worm inside *PIC* * 4
    #19446545 -

So this junkie-skinny Russian courier is late. he is 40 mins late to be exact. He drives this van and reverses into the steel shutter and ran over pallet and broke it.  I ran over to roll up the shutter and bang on the side of his van to get his attention. He comes out and is like "What's wrong? What is it?" while on the phone and his eyes were blistering red as if he was crying and so I pointed at the shutter and told him he nearly carried the whole building down because he wasn't paying attention and could have hurt someone. He answered back and it was clear English wasn't his mother tongue...he could speak some Slavish tongue but he had the worse English and often mumbled or couldn't make a cohesive sentence .he sounded Russian or Polish. He smelled of tobacco, stale sweat and a strong odour of something. He sounded and looked stoned but probably wasn't because he was working...if he was...:facepalm:.

Anyway we are about to load the cargo when he discovers the backdoor and sliding door of the van won't open. We pull, kick and curse in vain. That door wasn't opening. My employer offered to call up a mechanic but the Russian said "No,No I got this" so he opens the driver's door and starts stabbing and bashing at the steel casing in the cab seat. That steep was thick. He stabs and punctured a small hole in less than 10 mins. Then with a steel cutter and garden tools he starts enlarging the hole and cuts out a window in less than 30 mins during which he was on the phone to his boss who urged him not to punch a hole through the van. He was like "What? You no want me to make hole? Is only small. I will fix. I can fit. No, noo it's good idea. I fit. I swear it's cheaper. No mechanic needed. I will fit. Yes I will fix it too". Then he hangs up and looks at me to"Fuccckkkkk him!" I was thinking this guy is a badass.

He starts stripping down to the vest and wiggles, worms and squeezes himself through that small hole in the van. It was crazy. He barely fitted. There were jagged pieces of metal sticking into him as he was roaring and roaring "Come on! C'mon!" then at last he managed to squeeze his lanky Russian ass through that hole. It was crazy and amazing. I was laughing and giggling with joy. My only worry was him.getting stuck in there since there wasn't any other way out except through the same hole, however, jagged metal was pointed inward so that was unlikely unless you want metal in your thighs. He was opened all the van doors and says "Is good idea, no?" and I looked at him and said "You crazy Russian Bastard! This is the best idea ever. You're fucking smart"
...he winked at me and said You "Today I go home and fix it. I put window in so when I carry friends in the back they can see me"...he was such a lovely guy. He looked like a Russian Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I asked him who the van belonged to and he said "My boss! But he no care" and shrugged :lol:. He went to the office and put his hands up like "I am Victor! I am Victor (He meant victorious)" and I loaded the cargo into the van while he did the paper work and then went to the toilet and took his victory shit which smelled nasty...today was unbelievable ...felt like something from a movie.


Edited by 245willow19 (01/20/14 02:23 PM)

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19] * 11
    #19446580 -

this never happened


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AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19]
    #19446583 -

TL;DR Your Russian deliveryman punched a hole in his van and crawled through it?


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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: k00laid] * 4
    #19446600 -

k00laid said:
this never happened


It's fun to make believe though. And it was well written.


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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: k00laid]
    #19446650 -

k00laid said:
this never happened


What? Of course it did. This isn't  made up I assure you. I ain't creative in storytelling :shrug: the motherfucker did cut a hole through his van and crawl through it like a rat. I remember all the things he said and what happened...it was unforgettable.

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19]
    #19446654 -

If this is real that guy deserves an award. How the hell would he fit with those boxes stuffes in there like that?

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: Synthe]
    #19446655 -

Synthe said:
TL;DR Your Russian deliveryman punched a hole in his van and crawled through it?


That is simply what happened but I wanted to tell what led up to it and why he was there to make the incident more interesting

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: MisterSandman]
    #19446669 -

MisterSandman said:
k00laid said:
this never happened


It's fun to make believe though. And it was well written.


Yes, OP's prose is an Irish treasure, like Joyce.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19] * 3
    #19446673 -

Junkie is 3rd word in..

I see you haven't lost your touch.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: niteman]
    #19446679 -

niteman said:
If this is real that guy deserves an award. How the hell would he fit with those boxes stuffes in there like that?


He moved that shit away and wormed inside like a snake...all his clothes got torn and get was slightly cut up....he deserves a reward. I am smaller than him yet he.managed to squeeze in like a motherfucker

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19] * 1
    #19446680 -

The picture looks real. What i want to know is why is there a finished lip around the area he cut out? Was there a window there already or something? And is that crazy bastard really driving around with people in the back of a loaded delivery van?!?

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: niteman]
    #19446701 -

def good story

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: niteman]
    #19446726 -

niteman said:
The picture looks real. What i want to know is why is there a finished lip around the area he cut out? Was there a window there already or something? And is that crazy bastard really driving around with people in the back of a loaded delivery van?!?


No there was only the frame of a window...but there was no hole, no window or gap just plated steel. Yes that bastard told me he sometimes puts his children back there too...he is aged about mid twenties or late twenties but no older than thirty. He had a wedding ring and all. The picture is real.. silly.:lol:

Edited by 245willow19 (01/20/14 11:18 AM)

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19]
    #19446750 -

Esekon Kelly said:
Yes that mustard told me he sometimes puts his children back there too...


those darn junkies :smilingpuppy:


--------------------
AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: k00laid]
    #19446794 -

hahahahaha oh man good read! :thumbup:


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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: k00laid]
    #19446795 -

Did a junkie try to rob the driver with a hammer?

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: koods] * 2
    #19446906 -

koods said:
MisterSandman said:
k00laid said:
this never happened


It's fun to make believe though. And it was well written.


Yes, OP's prose is an Irish treasure, like Joyce.


:lol: EK>James Joyce


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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: Shroomslip]
    #19446912 -

Shroomslip said:
Junkie is 3rd word in..

I see you haven't lost your touch.


Lol, I was gonna say "well at least it wasn't another junkie story" based on the title


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: EdibleStereos]
    #19447351 -

Sheekle said:
Shroomslip said:
Junkie is 3rd word in..

I see you haven't lost your touch.


Lol, I was gonna say "well at least it wasn't another junkie story" based on the title


You were deceived :lol: I threw in the word junkie to miss off some posters here
EdibleStereos said:
Did a junkie try to rob the driver with a hammer?


He had a hammer but i wasn't sure if thief was his intention

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Re: Russian stoner punctures a hole in van and worms [Re: 245willow19]
    #19447370 -

That was a damn good story. Should have bought that crazy dude a beer :thumbup:

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