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Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends
    #17831068 -

Hi everyone , so if many of you know or not I have had a lot of trust issues through out my life . My current girlfriend in whom I trust and love as much as I can right now is making it apparent she has a desire to start obtaining new male friendships with her coworkers

. I have a monumental problem with this , I'm not ok with her hanging out with them or catching a beer ect. (Especially when I'm out of town ) I know its something I'm going to have to accept eventually but it hurts my feelings that she wants to have relationships with males other then me . In her opinion its easier to be friends with guys then girls .

She dislikes the company of other women except for a rare few close friends and I don't blame her . I know she is seeking a purely friend-zone friendship with these individuals but something urks me about it deep inside . Does anyone have any opinions or advice as to how I can begin accepting her want for male friendships outside of our relationship ?

Its also not like she doesn't want me to hang out with her when she hangs out with these people . She more then invites me along , something came up this past weekend when I told her I'd be upset if she caught a beer with one of her coworkers while I was out of town . This got both of us mad at each other for a whole weekend :frown:


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:chinaman: URGENT | | | PLEASE FILL OUT THIS POLL | | |

Da Buddah Vape Review


Edited by HeroMike (02/19/13 03:51 PM)

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: HeroMike]
    #17831159 -

I wouldn't blame you for being concerned. I had a friend who's gf was doing exactly what you are talking about. Claimed to like having guy friends better then girlfriends. She hangs out with friends from her work often alone and all that. I don't know all the details but eventually it did become apparent that at least two of these friends from work did not view there relationship as just friends and it got to the point of the guy actually threatening my friend. Of course it was really no surprise to any of us that it turned out she was more then friends with at least some of these guys you could just kind of tell, especially since the main guy was so hostile to her bf.

The weird thing was she would even invite these guys over when her bf was around, which made it seem pretty fucked up when we found out later she was messing around with them. It wasn't the first time that happened either and I've always been amazed she had the balls to openly hangout with these guys in front of her bf and his friends even sometimes after we found out they fooled around, and then act like that's normal. We only found out both times because the guy ended up telling people and she did own up to it but who knows how many times she hadn't been caught.

Both of his known instances were actually even years apart, there still together but I'd bet it's only a matter of time before history repeats itself.

My point is I guess that maybe your girl is really just friends with them but I wouldn't blame you for having a problem with it as the other cases of this going on I've seen it doesn't end well, but the girl does a good job of hiding it for quite awhile.

I would think you should be able to tell when you talk to these guys and see them together if anything is going on. Wish ya luck.

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: Mycjunky]
    #17831357 -

I mean just keep in mind that literally every guy she is with will in the back of his head want to fuck her if she is attractive. And even if she isn't that attractive, they still will want to fuck her. And if she's butt ugly, they'll want to fuck her probably too.

Gl!

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: stanski]
    #17831396 -

The thing that is odd is she doesn't want you to hang out too. My wife  and I share several guy friends, but we all hangout together, she isn't calling them up when I'm not around to go have beers. Mutual friends cool, guy friends you don't know and can't hang with them too, sounds like could go real ugly real fast. There is a reason she doesn't want you hanging out, either she thinks your a douche and would be a buzz kill, or she's wants a piece on the side, or both.

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: Icepic]
    #17831430 -

Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: Icepic]
    #17831436 -

If she wants to have guy friends, that's fine. But I'd draw the line at her not wanting you to hangout with them too...that just sounds sketchy. You are in a relationship...people in relationships do things together.

How would she like it if you started hanging out with a bunch of girls and not allowing her to tag along? Just ask her that...

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: FruitOfLife] * 1
    #17831464 -

A healthy relationship allows for space for the other person and for the other person to have friends that you don't share.  Some of them will always be the opposite sex and there will always (and in all ways) be sexual tensions in these relationships because that is a Law of Nature.

You both have to be adult enough to realize you are committed to making your relationship work and trusting the other person to feel the same.  This is where the risk that falling in love entails becomes apparent.  All you can do is give them the space and hope it works.  If you try to snuff it you will end up planting a seed of doubt in your own relationship that could grow and kill it.

It either works or it doesn't.  Trust and see what happens.


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There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #17832169 -

Drewsifer69 said:
Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


if a guy gave me that ultimatum, i would definitely choose my coworkers.


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: claraclairvoyant]
    #17832327 -

In my last relationship when my girl started hanging out with this one guy I got pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing because were in a long distance relationship, but i wanted to be understanding and not restrict her life. Well one thing led to another and now they're together and we broke up :shrug: not trying to scare you, just my experience.


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Think for yourself, question authority

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: claraclairvoyant] * 2
    #17832374 -

claraclairvoyant said:
Drewsifer69 said:
Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


if a guy gave me that ultimatum, i would definitely choose my coworkers.


If it makes him that uncomfortable then his girlfriend should be able to respect that. I know that would annoy the hell out of me knowing my girlfriend is out with some guys who more than likely want to fuck her.

And if she did decide to choose the co workers over him then her intentions were bad in the first place.


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #17832403 -

Drewsifer69 said:
claraclairvoyant said:
Drewsifer69 said:
Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


if a guy gave me that ultimatum, i would definitely choose my coworkers.


If it makes him that uncomfortable then his girlfriend should be able to respect that. I know that would annoy the hell out of me knowing my girlfriend is out with some guys who more than likely want to fuck her.

And if she did decide to choose the co workers over him then her intentions were bad in the first place.



Not really.  My wife hung out with co-workers of both sex and of multiple sexual orientations.  She had plenty of opportunities for liaisons with men or women.  I didn't sweat it and neither did she.

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: mpd]
    #17832487 -

mpd said:
Drewsifer69 said:
claraclairvoyant said:
Drewsifer69 said:
Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


if a guy gave me that ultimatum, i would definitely choose my coworkers.


If it makes him that uncomfortable then his girlfriend should be able to respect that. I know that would annoy the hell out of me knowing my girlfriend is out with some guys who more than likely want to fuck her.

And if she did decide to choose the co workers over him then her intentions were bad in the first place.



Not really.  My wife hung out with co-workers of both sex and of multiple sexual orientations.  She had plenty of opportunities for liaisons with men or women.  I didn't sweat it and neither did she.


I'm not saying that every woman is like this but when his girl doesnt even want him to hang out with them?... Thats a huge red flag


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: mpd]
    #17832529 -

mpd said:
A healthy relationship allows for space for the other person and for the other person to have friends that you don't share.  Some of them will always be the opposite sex and there will always (and in all ways) be sexual tensions in these relationships because that is a Law of Nature.

You both have to be adult enough to realize you are committed to making your relationship work and trusting the other person to feel the same.  This is where the risk that falling in love entails becomes apparent.  All you can do is give them the space and hope it works.  If you try to snuff it you will end up planting a seed of doubt in your own relationship that could grow and kill it.

It either works or it doesn't.  Trust and see what happens.



I was feeling so disheartened until I read this reply. Thanks for that.


edited:

Also, it's strange if she is completely against the idea of you meeting or hanging out with these guys but it's not strange at all if she wants to hang out with them without you as well. Personal space is an important part of a health relationship.


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"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story."

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: HeroMike]
    #17832782 -

Icepic said:
The thing that is odd is she doesn't want you to hang out too. My wife  and I share several guy friends, but we all hangout together, she isn't calling them up when I'm not around to go have beers. Mutual friends cool, guy friends you don't know and can't hang with them too, sounds like could go real ugly real fast. There is a reason she doesn't want you hanging out, either she thinks your a douche and would be a buzz kill, or she's wants a piece on the side, or both.


Can-i-bus said:
If she wants to have guy friends, that's fine. But I'd draw the line at her not wanting you to hangout with them too...that just sounds sketchy. You are in a relationship...people in relationships do things together.

How would she like it if you started hanging out with a bunch of girls and not allowing her to tag along? Just ask her that...


HeroMike said:
Its also not like she doesn't want me to hang out with her when she hangs out with these people . She more then invites me along , something came up this past weekend when I told her I'd be upset if she caught a beer with one of her coworkers while I was out of town . This got both of us mad at each other for a whole weekend :frown:


DEAR GOD, PPL! Read the OP.

OP, stop being jealous and insecure.

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: itsthedank]
    #17832800 -

for real. i had to go back and try to find where he said she doesn't want him coming along. he never said that :facepalm: OP is being really immature and insecure.


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: itsthedank]
    #17832811 -

To not be mean...dude, who gives a shit? You're you, not this other person. If they do something that violates your trust, then they never had good intentions to begin with and you're probably better off...

Yea, you may have invested time and $ and emotions into a relationship, but if it all goes to shit, you still got yourself. Nobody can take that from you.

I have a hard time making sense when I'm stoned.

Just don't worry about it man, take it easy. Jealousy is bad for your health

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: itsthedank] * 1
    #17832857 -

yeah honestly if you're gonna lose her it's most likely going to be over your jealousy and controlling behavior (IF you get to that point) and not over some other dude.


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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: claraclairvoyant] * 1
    #17833314 -

This was a large contributing factor to me breaking up with my ex.

I know what guys are after, straight guys can't be friends with girls. There were so many red flags in our conversations it wasn't even fucking funny. She basically didn't give a shit if I was concerned and just told me I should trust her.

Many women don't have the fucking decency to break up with guys while they emotionally cheat on them and feel out the waters with other guys. This way they can maintain plausible deniability while getting away with emotionally bonding to other men. The emotional bonding is 99% of what kicks off a new relationship, the kissing/screwing/physical etc. is just the last stage. They do this because the current boyfriend serves as a fallback security blanket (I wasn't going to be 2nd best, I put her first), and because many of them have daddy issues and can't be honorable and go without male attention for more than 5 seconds.


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

Edited by JesusIsLord (02/19/13 10:52 PM)

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: Mycjunky]
    #17833339 -

Mycjunky said:
I wouldn't blame you for being concerned. I had a friend who's gf was doing exactly what you are talking about. Claimed to like having guy friends better then girlfriends. She hangs out with friends from her work often alone and all that. I don't know all the details but eventually it did become apparent that at least two of these friends from work did not view there relationship as just friends and it got to the point of the guy actually threatening my friend. Of course it was really no surprise to any of us that it turned out she was more then friends with at least some of these guys you could just kind of tell, especially since the main guy was so hostile to her bf.

The weird thing was she would even invite these guys over when her bf was around, which made it seem pretty fucked up when we found out later she was messing around with them. It wasn't the first time that happened either and I've always been amazed she had the balls to openly hangout with these guys in front of her bf and his friends even sometimes after we found out they fooled around, and then act like that's normal. We only found out both times because the guy ended up telling people and she did own up to it but who knows how many times she hadn't been caught.

Both of his known instances were actually even years apart, there still together but I'd bet it's only a matter of time before history repeats itself.

My point is I guess that maybe your girl is really just friends with them but I wouldn't blame you for having a problem with it as the other cases of this going on I've seen it doesn't end well, but the girl does a good job of hiding it for quite awhile.

I would think you should be able to tell when you talk to these guys and see them together if anything is going on. Wish ya luck.


this is exactly what I'm talking about. solipsistic bs

OP, do yourself a big favor, and tell your "girlfriend" she either quits hanging out with these guys or you're done.

That's what I'd do. Be prepared to back that up, do what you say you're gonna do and dump her if she doesn't give a shit about your concerns. They'll act like you're being selfish and unreasonable, insecure, :blah: - the reality is, no matter HOW unreasonable the request is, if someone truly loves you, they will do it for you, to keep you and preserve your trust.

Everything else is just manipulation and bullshit.

Oh and OP, being single is awesome


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

Edited by JesusIsLord (02/19/13 10:53 PM)

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Re: Advice needed , Girlfriend and her Guy Friends [Re: claraclairvoyant]
    #17833358 -

claraclairvoyant said:
Drewsifer69 said:
Fuck that. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you. Then tell her she needs to choose you or her co workers. She should want to hang out with you more anyways since you 2 are dating.


if a guy gave me that ultimatum, i would definitely choose my coworkers.


ahh, true love right there.


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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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