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Why be in a relationship?
    #14404165 -

Are you afraid to be alone?
Does being alone make you unhappy?
Can someone else make you happy?
Can you make someone else happy?
Do you need someone to rely on?
Do you need someone to rely on you?
Are you just looking for something new?
Do you keep on hoping you'll find that "someone"?

My point is this. A lot of people are in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Many relationships are horrible. I feel like the right 2 people could do something great, but often people have the wrong mind set and fuck it up.

Also people get stuck in the "this is the most relationship ever" stage. Years later they'll tell you how much it sucked and how they broke up and this and that.

Being alone isn't always so bad. It is complete freedom.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 2
    #14404184 -

Why do anything? Like, do you really need this or that?
What the poop is all that shitty argumentation? People do stuff because they have certain preferences. I don't care if some get into relationships jusr because they're lonely; similarly, some people choose celibacy because they're afraid to be around someone all the time.
And you can be free no matter what you do, since freedom is only a point of view.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #14404237 -

I can't stand being around someone all the time. I have only really felt "alone", in a negative sense, after a huge break up and that faded quickly into feeling freely alone. I enjoy long walks on the beach with myself even though i don't mind if someone comes along, I just don't have time to pander to their needs in the name of keeping them walking beside me.

I do however have a unfaced fear of growing old with no one there that "loves" me.
:foreveralone:

(Hey mods, why not turn "foreveralone" into a sign that says "imgoingtokillmyself" foreveralone is the new feelsbadman)

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: EdgeChaos]
    #14404931 -

Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14404982 -

MushroomTrip said:
Why do anything? Like, do you really need this or that?
What the poop is all that shitty argumentation? People do stuff because they have certain preferences. I don't care if some get into relationships jusr because they're lonely; similarly, some people choose celibacy because they're afraid to be around someone all the time.
And you can be free no matter what you do, since freedom is only a point of view.


You can definitely be free in the right kind of relationship, i'm not claiming its impossible. I'm wondering why people do get into a relationship, its interesting.

I think if you get into a relationship only because you are lonely it is extremely shallow and that dying will be something you fear much more.

EdgeChaos said:
I can't stand being around someone all the time. I have only really felt "alone", in a negative sense, after a huge break up and that faded quickly into feeling freely alone.


I know what you mean, breakups blow. I'm looking for somewhere where the relationship feels more effortless than forced. Not sure if that truly exists. Thought i had it, but eventually things crumbled (years later).

Quote:
Anonymous said:Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know


So do you date her to be around her? How long have you been dating?

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #14405081 -

Why do anything?

death anxiety :yesnod:


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Kickle]
    #14405264 -

i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.


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People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy]
    #14406447 -

I would seek a relationship with a special individual because it would be nice to have someone to share my life and experiences with. It would be nice to have someone who will tell you when you're wrong, keep you on your game, love you, and be a companion with. Vice versa. I also don't like fucking people I don't have feelings for, so sex is nice too.

I'd like to have someone compliment my best features, understand me and my desires and be able to help be a catalyst for them as I would hope to be for them.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy]
    #14406522 -

dummy said:
i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.


Thats what happened to me as well. It just happened. Puppy dog love. It slowly starts to go downhill though. For some it takes only months, for others it may take years...but it will happen. Then you come to a cross roads. You start hearing "wisdom" and reading things like "a healthy relationship is all about give and take.. Compromise. How hard are you willing to work to keep this love and flame alive?"

5 years later, you realize youve compromised your happiness. Your lively-hood. Yeah youre still together, but at what cost? The grass may or may not be greener on the other side...who knows? Well for me, it was :shrug:

Yes Im jaded. I understand some relationships may work, but Ive never seen one that has. Sure I know people that have held it together for 10 years or so. Kids and everything. But when I imagine myself in their shoes...I instantly want to kill myself.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #14406558 -

I_was_the_walrus said:
dummy said:
i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.


Thats what happened to me as well. It just happened. Puppy dog love. It slowly starts to go downhill though. For some it takes only months, for others it may take years...but it will happen. Then you come to a cross roads. You start hearing "wisdom" and reading things like "a healthy relationship is all about give and take.. Compromise. How hard are you willing to work to keep this love and flame alive?"

5 years later, you realize youve compromised your happiness. Your lively-hood. Yeah youre still together, but at what cost? The grass may or may not be greener on the other side...who knows? Well for me, it was :shrug:



HA! Five years is exactly how long mine lasted.

Like TTT said I desire a good relationship for the sharing of information and life experiences. That said I don't think getting into a relationship right now is a good idea because I just don't have time to cultivate a healthy one. If it becomes smooth and simple then it will happen, but I will not pursue it.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: EdgeChaos]
    #14407311 -

So many people want to meet someone and marry.

I can't say i've met a married couple who doesn't fight. A relationship can be a lot of struggle. At first things always seem so simple.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14407416 -

Everything is a lot of struggle. With the good there always bad. What the fuck are you thinking? Rainbows and unicorns forever? What in life isn't difficult?

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TTT]
    #14407529 -

yeah life is basically a lot of problems. everyone on earth has to deal with bull shit. its kind of fun sometimes. it all depends on how you handle it.


--------------------
People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] * 2
    #14408396 -

As long as both people respect each other and continue to try, it will be good.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14408424 -

I'm not afraid of being alone for now.  I've been alone for years, and I'm not eager to jump into a relationship with just anybody.  I'm definitely willing to wait for the right person.  But my big anxiety is that I'm only a couple years away from 30 and I don't want to be:

:foreveralone:


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Edited by Silversoul (05/06/11 02:29 AM)

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14408517 -

TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know


So do you date her to be around her? How long have you been dating?


I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 2
    #14409289 -

TrustYourSelf said:
I can't say i've met a married couple who doesn't fight.


I can't say I've met ANYONE who doesn't fight or at least go through some emotional tension from time to time.  Interpersonal relationships are difficult.  Two autonomous individual creatures attempting to share space and time together, you know there's going to be bumps in the road.  But what of it?  Even when single and uninvolved with anyone else, I've gone through my own ups and downs.  That's life, and if you want to embellish your own happiness (i.e. the "ups"), you'd better get used to and accept this dynamic.  Those times of difficulty in a relationship can be dark, but there is a heightened potential for self-awareness and discovery when one is forced to deal with these moments of interpersonal divergence.

Ultimately, you should do whatever makes you most comfortable.  I've enjoyed being single, but I've definitely enjoyed having a partner much more.  I care deeply for people, and to be able to keep someone close and to be able to use them as an outlet for my love and compassion, as well as for support and security, it's just a wonderful thing.  Yes, it's risky.  Putting trust and faith into anyone other than yourself is always risky.  But as the saying goes, reward is typically proportional to the amount of risk you put on the line...


--------------------

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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: geokills] * 1
    #14410027 -

Quote:
I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.


It always rocks while it lasts. I think two people in the right mindset can make it work. But too many people are looking for the wrong things in relationships.

A relationship shouldn't be a way for you to be happy. Some people don't see that.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14410058 -

TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:
I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.


It always rocks while it lasts. I think two people in the right mindset can make it work. But too many people are looking for the wrong things in relationships.

A relationship shouldn't be a way for you to be happy. Some people don't see that.



I agree with this entirely and it was one of my mistakes in my last major relationship. She made me happy for so long I forgot how to do it on my own. We were so integrated it was like we were the same person. When she started taking advantage of my trust it spiraled out of control and got nasty.

Do not rely on others for your happiness.

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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 1
    #14410059 -

its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.


--------------------
People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.

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