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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Why be in a relationship?
#14404165 - 05/05/11 08:31 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Are you afraid to be alone? Does being alone make you unhappy? Can someone else make you happy? Can you make someone else happy? Do you need someone to rely on? Do you need someone to rely on you? Are you just looking for something new? Do you keep on hoping you'll find that "someone"?
My point is this. A lot of people are in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Many relationships are horrible. I feel like the right 2 people could do something great, but often people have the wrong mind set and fuck it up.
Also people get stuck in the "this is the most relationship ever" stage. Years later they'll tell you how much it sucked and how they broke up and this and that.
Being alone isn't always so bad. It is complete freedom.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Why do anything? Like, do you really need this or that? What the poop is all that shitty argumentation? People do stuff because they have certain preferences. I don't care if some get into relationships jusr because they're lonely; similarly, some people choose celibacy because they're afraid to be around someone all the time. And you can be free no matter what you do, since freedom is only a point of view.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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EdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 2,071
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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I can't stand being around someone all the time. I have only really felt "alone", in a negative sense, after a huge break up and that faded quickly into feeling freely alone. I enjoy long walks on the beach with myself even though i don't mind if someone comes along, I just don't have time to pander to their needs in the name of keeping them walking beside me.
I do however have a unfaced fear of growing old with no one there that "loves" me.
(Hey mods, why not turn "foreveralone" into a sign that says "imgoingtokillmyself" foreveralone is the new feelsbadman)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: EdgeChaos]
#14404931 - 05/05/11 11:56 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know
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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said: Why do anything? Like, do you really need this or that? What the poop is all that shitty argumentation? People do stuff because they have certain preferences. I don't care if some get into relationships jusr because they're lonely; similarly, some people choose celibacy because they're afraid to be around someone all the time. And you can be free no matter what you do, since freedom is only a point of view.
You can definitely be free in the right kind of relationship, i'm not claiming its impossible. I'm wondering why people do get into a relationship, its interesting.
I think if you get into a relationship only because you are lonely it is extremely shallow and that dying will be something you fear much more.
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EdgeChaos said: I can't stand being around someone all the time. I have only really felt "alone", in a negative sense, after a huge break up and that faded quickly into feeling freely alone.
I know what you mean, breakups blow. I'm looking for somewhere where the relationship feels more effortless than forced. Not sure if that truly exists. Thought i had it, but eventually things crumbled (years later).
Quote:
Anonymous said:Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know
So do you date her to be around her? How long have you been dating?
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 7 hours, 20 minutes
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Why do anything?
death anxiety
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Kickle]
#14405264 - 05/05/11 01:29 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy]
#14406447 - 05/05/11 05:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I would seek a relationship with a special individual because it would be nice to have someone to share my life and experiences with. It would be nice to have someone who will tell you when you're wrong, keep you on your game, love you, and be a companion with. Vice versa. I also don't like fucking people I don't have feelings for, so sex is nice too.
I'd like to have someone compliment my best features, understand me and my desires and be able to help be a catalyst for them as I would hope to be for them.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy]
#14406522 - 05/05/11 05:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.
Thats what happened to me as well. It just happened. Puppy dog love. It slowly starts to go downhill though. For some it takes only months, for others it may take years...but it will happen. Then you come to a cross roads. You start hearing "wisdom" and reading things like "a healthy relationship is all about give and take.. Compromise. How hard are you willing to work to keep this love and flame alive?"
5 years later, you realize youve compromised your happiness. Your lively-hood. Yeah youre still together, but at what cost? The grass may or may not be greener on the other side...who knows? Well for me, it was 
Yes Im jaded. I understand some relationships may work, but Ive never seen one that has. Sure I know people that have held it together for 10 years or so. Kids and everything. But when I imagine myself in their shoes...I instantly want to kill myself.
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EdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 2,071
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said:
Quote:
dummy said: i've never said i want to be in a relationship. shit just kind of happens.
Thats what happened to me as well. It just happened. Puppy dog love. It slowly starts to go downhill though. For some it takes only months, for others it may take years...but it will happen. Then you come to a cross roads. You start hearing "wisdom" and reading things like "a healthy relationship is all about give and take.. Compromise. How hard are you willing to work to keep this love and flame alive?"
5 years later, you realize youve compromised your happiness. Your lively-hood. Yeah youre still together, but at what cost? The grass may or may not be greener on the other side...who knows? Well for me, it was 
HA! Five years is exactly how long mine lasted.
Like TTT said I desire a good relationship for the sharing of information and life experiences. That said I don't think getting into a relationship right now is a good idea because I just don't have time to cultivate a healthy one. If it becomes smooth and simple then it will happen, but I will not pursue it.
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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: EdgeChaos]
#14407311 - 05/05/11 08:32 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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So many people want to meet someone and marry.
I can't say i've met a married couple who doesn't fight. A relationship can be a lot of struggle. At first things always seem so simple.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Everything is a lot of struggle. With the good there always bad. What the fuck are you thinking? Rainbows and unicorns forever? What in life isn't difficult?
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TTT]
#14407529 - 05/05/11 09:19 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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yeah life is basically a lot of problems. everyone on earth has to deal with bull shit. its kind of fun sometimes. it all depends on how you handle it.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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EdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 2,071
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] 2
#14408396 - 05/06/11 01:36 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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As long as both people respect each other and continue to try, it will be good.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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I'm not afraid of being alone for now. I've been alone for years, and I'm not eager to jump into a relationship with just anybody. I'm definitely willing to wait for the right person. But my big anxiety is that I'm only a couple years away from 30 and I don't want to be:
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Edited by Silversoul (05/06/11 02:29 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:Because my girlfriend is the most wonderful person I know
So do you date her to be around her? How long have you been dating?
I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.
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geokills
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙


Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 23,419
Loc: city of angels
Last seen: 12 hours, 43 minutes
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said:
I can't say i've met a married couple who doesn't fight.
I can't say I've met ANYONE who doesn't fight or at least go through some emotional tension from time to time. Interpersonal relationships are difficult. Two autonomous individual creatures attempting to share space and time together, you know there's going to be bumps in the road. But what of it? Even when single and uninvolved with anyone else, I've gone through my own ups and downs. That's life, and if you want to embellish your own happiness (i.e. the "ups"), you'd better get used to and accept this dynamic. Those times of difficulty in a relationship can be dark, but there is a heightened potential for self-awareness and discovery when one is forced to deal with these moments of interpersonal divergence.
Ultimately, you should do whatever makes you most comfortable. I've enjoyed being single, but I've definitely enjoyed having a partner much more. I care deeply for people, and to be able to keep someone close and to be able to use them as an outlet for my love and compassion, as well as for support and security, it's just a wonderful thing. Yes, it's risky. Putting trust and faith into anyone other than yourself is always risky. But as the saying goes, reward is typically proportional to the amount of risk you put on the line...
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-------------------- ┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼ ...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: geokills] 1
#14410027 - 05/06/11 12:24 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.
It always rocks while it lasts. I think two people in the right mindset can make it work. But too many people are looking for the wrong things in relationships.
A relationship shouldn't be a way for you to be happy. Some people don't see that.
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EdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
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Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:
I live with her and did so beforehand. Almost year of being together. If it fizzles out in the future then it fizzles out. Right now, it's awesome, it's balanced.
It always rocks while it lasts. I think two people in the right mindset can make it work. But too many people are looking for the wrong things in relationships.
A relationship shouldn't be a way for you to be happy. Some people don't see that.
I agree with this entirely and it was one of my mistakes in my last major relationship. She made me happy for so long I forgot how to do it on my own. We were so integrated it was like we were the same person. When she started taking advantage of my trust it spiraled out of control and got nasty.
Do not rely on others for your happiness.
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
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Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] 1
#14410675 - 05/06/11 02:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.
You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.
Quote:
I agree with this entirely and it was one of my mistakes in my last major relationship. She made me happy for so long I forgot how to do it on my own. We were so integrated it was like we were the same person. When she started taking advantage of my trust it spiraled out of control and got nasty.
Do not rely on others for your happiness.
At first i thought it was such a good thing i could make my partner happy. But then when they're upset its your fault too. After awhile you realize how shitty it is. Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other. Its ok for them to be happy while together/ the fact they are together. But your partner should not be the one "making you happy".
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 7 hours, 20 minutes
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said: You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.
Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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TrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Kickle]
#14411213 - 05/06/11 04:36 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kickle said:
Quote:
TrustYourSelf said: You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.
Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?
I realize i'm referring to something very vague.
What i really meant is a relationship that isn't based off of wanting something from the other person. You are just happy being with them. Not to run from aloneness, not for them to make you happy. Just because you love their being.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Quote:
Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other.
This was my biggest feat. After leaving a 5 year relationship, I pretty much felt like I was learning to walk again. Everything was different. From waking up to going to bed, to everything in between. I pretty much had to rebuild my own little world from scratch. I never realized how much we depended on each other for every little detail in our lives. It was sooo weird/depressing.
But everything looks different from the outside looking in. Now that I dont have a "rosie blindfold" the faults and cracks are so obvious. I just cant believe I gave so much of myself for so long. But the feeling is mutual. She made the same mistakes. You live and you learn. At least any future relationships I may have will be more matured and understood, hopefully giving a stronger foundation.
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automan
blasted chipmunk


Registered: 09/18/03
Posts: 8,272
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said:
Quote:
Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other.
This was my biggest feat. After leaving a 5 year relationship, I pretty much felt like I was learning to walk again. Everything was different. From waking up to going to bed, to everything in between. I pretty much had to rebuild my own little world from scratch. I never realized how much we depended on each other for every little detail in our lives. It was sooo weird/depressing.
I just ended an 8 year relaionship/7 year marriage. I couldn't have said it any better.
Everything is much better now. I have a2 wonderful kids from it and now a beautiful new girlfriend. I'll do much better next time around.
-------------------- No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr
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Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
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I'm in an "OPEN" relationship and it is GREAT
she doesnt want me to sleep around but understands that i'm "allowed" to if i want to
& because she doesnt give me shit and is always down for me, i keep the "cheating" to minimum.
I would'nt have it any other way. We spent 1 year in a commited relationship and 3 in n Open one and everything is pretty nice.
I have my own addictions etc. that makes things terrible
but our relationship is something special and i love it and i love her more than any girl in the world
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 7 hours, 20 minutes
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:
Kickle said:
Quote:
TrustYourSelf said: You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.
Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?
I realize i'm referring to something very vague.
What i really meant is a relationship that isn't based off of wanting something from the other person. You are just happy being with them. Not to run from aloneness, not for them to make you happy. Just because you love their being.
it still seems like a static ideal that could never possibly capture the dynamic process which is life. Sometimes we feel we need things. Whether that be a particular item we are going to save up for or approval or whatever. Can you honestly say that you never have expectations when posting here? That you don't post here expecting some companionship or enjoyment? I think those are perfectly normal and acceptable expectations myself. They can't be concrete of course because those expectations won't always be met. Just like sometimes you will feel very alone in a relationship and rather than feeling happy you will feel shit on. Same thing happening all throughout life as far as I can tell
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Quote:
TrustYourSelf said: Are you afraid to be alone? No, being alone is not frightening. It does get awfully boring sometimes though and it does get old.
Does being alone make you unhappy? Yes, but that is because sometimes I feel like I have no other option. Like alone is my only option because no one wants to be with me. I am alone because no one sees me as good enough to be with. This is what makes me unhappy. On the other hand, I like alone time. Can someone else make you happy? Yes, the right person could absolutely make me happy. Can you make someone else happy? I think so. I can be charming. I know I am funny. I have a lot to offer someone else. I just think its hard for other people to see that. Conversely, I have the ability to be absolutely rotten if I want to or if I loose control. I have the ability to make someone very unhappy.
Do you need someone to rely on? Yes, a good person willing to stand behind you and help you do the right things in life is important. Hard times are a little less hard when you have someone with you.
Do you need someone to rely on you? At this point, no. I am reliable, but forgetful. I don't need anybody to rely on me. But if I was with someone, I would want to be the person they could rely on.
Are you just looking for something new? No, new is interesting, but it makes me uncomfortable. Do you keep on hoping you'll find that "someone"? Yes. I intensely want to find that someone. I want it so badly it hurts...
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Nova

Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 1,365
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] 1
#14420145 - 05/08/11 03:33 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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You can't be happy because someone else. Only you can put yourself in the right mindset to let yourself be happy.
It seems people look to relationships to make them happy but that just doesn't work. If one gets their head on right and finds happiness, then they can share it with a special someone and make it that much better.
Quote:
dummy said: its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.
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acidxprincess



Registered: 01/07/11
Posts: 1,884
Loc: Isla Sorna
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Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Nova]
#14426520 - 05/09/11 07:51 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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There's no point unless you actually think you can see yourself with them in the future. I've been in only one serious relationship. And I don't regret it. But the pain I never wanna go through that again. Wish I could've never loved then loved at all. Worst ever.
-------------------- "what do you call Discovery? I call it rape of the natural world."
"In the end the choice is all yours."
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EdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 2,071
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
acidxprincess said: There's no point unless you actually think you can see yourself with them in the future. I've been in only one serious relationship. And I don't regret it. But the pain I never wanna go through that again. Wish I could've never loved then loved at all. Worst ever.
I hate hangovers.
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