I happened to catch the film, "Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould," tonight on IFC. I loved that film when it first came out -- I thought it was quite brilliant. However, you must remember, that I am possessive of the typical upper-middle-class sensibilities -- much derided in certain fashionable circles of the self-proclaimed, hip, intelligencia -- that actually believes that Gould was a master interpreter of the contrapuntal structure in the melodic lines of folks like J. S. Bach... But then I also like Will Durant?s histories and Kurt Cobaine?s music as well... So sue me... 
At any rate, seeing this film again, after almost a decade, had me digging through boxes of CDs for my Gould performances of the French Suits and the Goldberg Variations, and having found them, and sipping my coffee, I am now complete and whole... 
The point is, that I was struck by Gould?s rational for quitting performance at the height of his career. A bold post-modern move, much in line with the McLuhanesque emphasis on the media, over content, in the fifties and sixties. His rational was, in essence, to shift the performer-to-audience relationship from that of one-to-many to one-to-zero. He was much derided in his time, but this has now become one of the hallmark tenants of post-modernism itself.
Why is this important to me at this time. Well, one could say that it is also directly attributable to the current quagmire I find myself engaged in as an Admin at this site. I have been actively engaged in a one-to-many relationship with the membership, only to be betrayed and stabbed in the back by several of the very members I have been trying to help. True, I have helped many more, than those few who have fucked me over, but at what cost to my own personal emotional-health and well-being?
All it takes is a couple of selfish assholes to make your life a hell -- if you care at all -- and then the problem becomes one of not being able to help anyone because of those few suck the very life out of you, like vampires, and for what? I am beginning to think that a more appropriate strategy, is to remove, and recuse, myself from the spotlight. To no longer get involved in the day-to-day operations and personal politics of the paranoid and insane that largely comprise the grist for this human-soul-mill we call our home.
I now believe that the best of all possible answers, in this best of all possible worlds (please excuse the Panglossian reference), is to simply remove myself from the day-to-day, one-to-many, relationship, and strive for a platonic ideal of a one-to-zero relationship. I shall now delegate to the Nth degree, and let the chips fall where they may. I will no longer expend my emotional energy on those few who spit it back in my face mixed with the immature saliva and venom of a self-important piety, and selfishness, that can only truly be possessed by the young and inexperienced.
I now, at this time, make my public egress, to deal with Shroomery matters, at a different level. I love this community, but I can no longer allow its on-going petty politics of the insane and paranoid, and its levels of personal betrayal and drama to eat up what?s left of my emotional currency. I do love you all, but I must save myself. I will continue as Admin, but I will no longer be as public as I once was, and I will no longer stand in the way of progress with my own personal beliefs. I will let the chips fall where they may, and back up the will of others. That is all I will do for the foreseeable future. My friends will still know how to reach me, and I will always be there for them. 
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