Hey man, it's all good that you feel this way. You just have to remember that pain is nothing except a reminder in life that something isn't right, that is all. So obviously you picked up the message, the next step is healing.
For me I reached a fork in the road, finally after spending what felt like an eternity deciding what to do, things sort of fell to place and I just chose something. My girlfriend moved, I moved out of my parents, losing a ton of money, maybe regrets and other choices were confronting me. I began to feel overwhelmed. Not only this, but winter which has never affected me before, I could tell was playing with my mood, and not for the best. The whole world situation that everything is a bit fucked up was getting to me and the only thing I wanted to do was read read read and stay away from people. I knew better than to focus on doom and gloom and to direct my energy else where, but it wasn't easy. Just before I dipped down on the charts, I began to smoke a lot of weed, which is uncharacteristic of me. For a solid month all I did was work a job that was losing a little of it's sparkle in my eyes, getting stoned and slightly drunk mostly by myself and beep bopping around. My best friend would come over here and there, but I felt out of touch with him. Little responsibilities such as keeping the house clean, shoveling snow, EATING, whatever, were going down the drain. I wouldn't call myself a recluse or totally depressed, but I felt out of touch with society, reality, and really down and out in general. I began to get the feeling that life was merely obsessed with it's own beauty and my philosophies on life became rather nihilistic.
At the same time though I was experiencing a break through on my thoughts on diet. I wasn't necessarily putting them to act, but I began to feel confident in my new life style that I wanted. I knew I was craving for change on how I ate. Later those came into fruition, quickly. I also went on the journey to straighten out my political and economic views. I was worried for the future and I figured learning more about the problem would smooth things out, which it did, but I had much more to go.
Than a buddy of mine out of nowhere was fronted some mushrooms. I thought, "Alright, I am determined to get out of this low point." I knew taking this 1/8th of mushrooms that I haven't even tested could really put me up to the test, but for the first time in a long while I felt that little flame in my heart glow. I was determined to confront this and I chose mushrooms as one of the tools. I woke up the next morning, saw the sun was shining, ingested those mushrooms with a smile, felt pumped, drove 5 minutes to the environment I needed to be in, put on those snow shoes that I borrowed, but neglected to use and kept putting off, and began walking up hill.
Without getting into the details, in the end, I was exhausted. My mind went on over drive, confronted my problems head on more or less on accident, and though I came out mentally drained, I realized so many things and that flame grew into a bright light that got me out of that darkness.
It was a combination of needing a little time roll things out, taking medicine such as weed that pushed me against the problem while music helped me relax from it afterwards. Finally to top it off, that sudden energy I needed to break through that barrier.
Now I truly am seeing everything in a whole new light. I agree with those who are saying to keep moving, no matter how it is you move. Doing little things such as cleaning when I had the energy to elevated my mood tremendously.
Stay strong because everyone is in this together. I really care that you get better my friend.
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" but more like "What am i going to do with my life now? I have no idea what is next for me in life. And i have no income."
