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Hello and thank you for contacting the Shroomery! I'm very sorry to hear about the lack of poop on your chest, but I'm sure we'll be able to get it resolved promptly. First, please verify that your browser is not inadvertently running in 'Offline Mode'. To do so, click the 'File' menu and look for the 'Work Offline' option. If it has a check mark next to it, please click on the menu item again to remove the checkmark. This will put your browser in 'Online Mode' so you will be able to access the internet.

Once you have confirmed your web browser is working, please click the address bar at the top of the screen to select it, then type in "craigslist.org" (without the quotes) and hit enter. You should see a screen with a list of cities and states. Please read the list carefully, and click on the location which is closest to you.

On the next screen you will see a list of categories, with a "post to classifieds" link towards the upper-left of the screen. Click this link, and on the next page which comes up click the "item wanted" link. You will be taken to a form with fields for title, price, location and description, among others. In the 'title' field, enter the text "Poop Wanted for my Chest" (case-insensitive, but proper capitalization is recommended). In the 'price' field, enter the amount which you are willing to pay - note that higher offers get better results! Finally, in the 'description' field, post any details of your request, including the amount of poop you're looking for, the desired consistency and color (if you have a preference), and whether it must be pooped directly onto your chest or if it can be pooped elsewhere and then transported by private courier. Be sure to proof-read your text for any typos or misspellings, as these will make you appear unprofessional and might discourage others from responding to your ad. When you are done, click the "Continue" button to post your listing.

After submitting, please be patient as it can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours before you get a response. I recommend you wait to make a final decision until you have received at least for 4 - 6 replies, as this will allow you to compare prices, check references, and inquire about any value-added services which are offered. Often, if you're persistent, you may be able to negotiate for a golden shower at no additional charge. Then simply provide your address, and wait.

I hope this helps, but please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns. Thanks again for contacting the Shroomery and enjoy the site!

Regards,

-Y

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